Sunday, November 23, 2008

WTF?????

First I want to say that I am not freaking out about this.
Yesterday I was up FOUR POUNDS at weigh in. I swear I checked behind me to see if the girl behind me had stuck her foot on the scale(no such luck)as a prank.

I have no idea if I am retaining something or what but I know that four pounds doesn't belong to me or is because of anything I have done wrong.
I had a great week. I used about 25 of my flex points but was under my points on other days of the week.

So, this sucks to have such a bounce up, but I don't blame myself.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Great Week

Last week I was down 1.8 pounds. I am in such a great place. Haven't been doing much exercising. Every night this week I had something to do and just haven't made time. I won't walk dogs outside right now because of deer season.
Today mom and I are doing a day of shopping after I weigh in.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Tea please

I am a new convert to drinking hot tea. It's been suggested numerous times by friends, but only recently did I buy my first box of Organic pomengrate white tea. I am such a fan. Each time I think of grabbing something to snack on at home or at work, I am making a cup of tea instead. I find it takes that snacky edge off.

I hate the water cooler at work (I just don't like the taste) so I had reverted to drinking way too much diet coke every day. This way I don't have to drink plain water. (Is it weird that it makes me feel grown up drinking it too?)

Eating has been great this week and I've made it to yoga a couple of times after work too. In Michigan after the time change, it is dark here at 5:30 pm so it's difficult to make myself do anything after work except snuggle with a poodle on the couch.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Paid Holidays

Now that I work for the County, I have more paid Holiday's than you can shake a stick at. Yesterday (Veteran's Day) was one of them. It was so nice to wake up and not have to go to work although I do feel guilty I didn't do anything to honor Veteran's.

I am having another great week. I've made it to yoga twice so far this week, and eating (with the exception of lunch with my stylist yesterday) has been right according to plan.

Weigh in Report for Saturday

Down 2 more pounds today. That puts me back at 72 pounds lost. Still a bit to go until I get all the gain off, but making progress.
I feel so clear headed. I don't have that manic eating feeling I had.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Election Results

Whew! Made it through that one by the skin of our teeth. My boss received 52.83% of the vote and her opponent got 46.91% of the vote. It was a very tight race all night. What an exciting night. The room was filled with local media, journalism students, and the candidates. The polls closed at 7pm and the precincts began bringing in their results about 10. At 1:30 am we were still waiting for 3 of our precincts to report however she had spoken to the clerks and they had told her that she won those precincts. At that point I had been working since 7am that morning and boss sent me home.

At about 11:30 when the news organizations were calling Obama the President Elect, I snuck off into another little room and did a happy dance. I know he isn't perfect, but I think Obama deserves a chance and our help to make the changes he talked about on the campaign trail.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

D-Day


Well, today is election day. It will be a long one. I'm told we will be here until 2 or 3 am and then have to be back to work a normal day at 8am on Wednesday! It should ebe very exciting tonight being on the "ground floor" of all of this. I do hope that you research all of the candidates and proposals and get out there and vote!

Chicago was unbelievably fun. My friend got her wedding dress and she looks stunning in it. I was amazed at how clean Chicago is and am already planning my return trip for December. It only took a little over 5 hours to drive.
I didn't have any problems with eating. We were so busy and walked so much, I'm sure I worked off the two slices of Chicago Deep Dish pizza I ate (which was delish BTW!).

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Weigh in Report for Thursday October 30th

I was down 2.8 pounds today! Boy that felt good.

This weekend I am going to Chicago and wanted to make sure that I weighed in and hit a meeting before leaving town so I went to the 5:30 meeting tonight. It is a different leader than my Saturday morning leader but I enjoy this leader as well.
I hated weighing in so late in the day, but it was my only option. I didn't think I would see much of a loss because I just figure that we weigh more at the end of the day than at the beginning so I was pleasantly surprised to see such a big number after being back on track for only 5 days!

I have really been on track too. I am feeling strong and clear headed. I've been getting my lunch time walks in (despite is being a blustery 36 degrees the other day)and have loved kicking my feet through the leaves and enjoying the pretty colors. My eating has been stellar. I am weighing and measuring everything.

I am really glad I weighed in tonight as I think this will give me a nice mental boost to stay on track this weekend. I know I won't be perfect, but it helps that the long time friend I am visiting was my Weight Watchers leader waaaaayyyyy back in 1998/9. She is such a thoughtful friend and has offered to stock anything in the house that will help me stick to my plan.

I am so looking forward to seeing her and seeing a bit of Chicago.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Day four still on track

Today was day four back in control. It went great again. I am at 26 of my 28 daily points. I didn't get a walk in at lunch, but I did stay and do yoga tonight after work.
The stress level is cranking up in the office, but I continued to resist the candy dish.
Today after work I stopped to the grocery store and got a few things to take with me on my trip this weekend. I plan to take some yogurt, fresh fruit, pretzels and will pack some fresh veggies to snack on in the car.
I feel so in control again. I love it.

Here's to day 5.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Only Eight More Days

Well only 8 more days until the election. I’ve managed my third day totally back on track. I used all of my daily points today and feel very satisfied. I feel clear headed and calm. I did manage a brisk 15 minute walk today at lunch and stayed after work for the yoga class. I’m still lacking on the water drinking, but the fruit and vegetable consumption is WAY up.

I did spend a bit of time reading old blog posts and that is helping as well.

This Friday I am heading to Chicago to see one of my dearest friends. I’ve only been to Chicago once before and that was on a Mary Kay (yes the makeup) bus trip. It will be nice to see Chicago thru the eyes of someone who lives there. I am especially looking forward to visiting the three story Macy’s store.
I am a bit disappointed to miss weigh in on Saturday, but I will try to hit another meeting this week before I leave town.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Two Whole Days

I’ve been two days (Sat and Sun) within my points and not binging on anything. I’d say it’s a start. Today I had to make some tough choices to stay on track. I went to visit a friend and his wife and of course that leads to lunch out. Why does everything have to involve food? We went to Red Robin. Their menu looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. I chose the dinner salad with fat free ranch on the side. It was pretty much just lettuce and tomato. I also had the French Onion soup. This can be a dicey choice with all the cheese they load onto it. But I actually had the balls to peel the cheese off and discard it. So essentially, I had beef broth with onions. I counted 4 points for it. I did have about 5 of my friends French fries so I counted 2 points for those.
More important than making good choices at lunch is that after I left their house, I did NOT stop at the Crispy Cream donut shop for a half dozen glazed donuts and a chocolate milk. That would have been a 20 point mistake. I thought about stopping and getting one donut but knew that would just start a cycle once I got home so skipped it altogether. Maybe someday I will be normal and be able to enjoy just one of something.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Hello....Rock Bottom? I'm back but not Staying

I’ve been away for a while….too long. I have fallen so far off the wagon, I can’t even see it in the distance pulling away. Today I was up 4 pounds! My weight is creeping up. I’ll gain a couple, then lose one, overall this is going in the wrong direction. I have gained a total of 6 pounds from my lowest weight. It is time to get things back under control. I think not blogging has made it easier to ignore what has been happening the last couple of weeks.

So what has happened to me? I’m not entirely sure, but I have a few ideas/excuses. None of them are valid enough to allow myself to go back to the way I was over a year ago. I cannot let myself continue to spiral back to that weight.
I like my new job and am settling in fine. The emotional stress of the upcoming election has us all coming unglued right now. Here is a somewhat short version of what is happening. My boss is an elected official and a Republican. She has been the County Clerk for 8 years and has worked in the clerk’s office for a total of 31 years. She is a very nice boss and very capable at her job. For the first time in years the Republicans have competition on the local level with Democratic opponents.

I live in a major college town and the Democratic Party did a great job of getting the young people registered to vote. Our county is up over 12 percent for registered voters since the last election. I think that it is the responsibility of every person to exercise their right to vote. People in other countries would kill to have our right to vote. But I digress…. As the Dems got the kids to register, they also “coached” them on how to vote. The vast majority of these kids are not local students but rather from all over the state. The people registering them knowing that the registering student would want to vote for Obama, told them not to worry about learning about the various candidates, rather they should just mark “straight party ticket” and make it easy on themselves. I just don’t think that was the right thing to do. We should be encouraging people to learn about the candidates and offices and make informed choices, not just elect someone because of their party affiliation.

All of that being said, sure I would like my boss to be reelected, but I will happily work for Andrew if he is elected. I just want to keep my job. I found out that as an elected official, he can change the entire staff when he takes office if he so chooses and I could be out of a job. I am really hoping that doesn’t happen, but you can imagine the stress I feel when I think about how powerless I am in this situation.

So not only have I started eating from the candy dish at work when no one is looking, I also found a bag of Halloween candy in John’s car that he was trying to keep away from me and polished that off too. I have been manic about my eating. I couldn’t shovel the candy in my mouth fast enough; I didn’t taste any of it as I ripped the packages open and then had a belly ache afterwards.

So I don’t really have answers on how to fix this but I do have some things I am working on. One, I am going to the beginning of the blog and rereading every post I’ve written in the hopes I will find the fire I have lost. Two, I am only worrying about the day in front of me and each day make a promise for just that day to stay in my points and not binge. I sound like an addict, and I guess I am. Food had so much of a hold on my life.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I have a bell!

The owner of the Club Liberty was selling off some of her non-regulation kettlebells so I bought one. I ordered one online over 5 weeks ago and it is still on back order and I was tired of waiting. I figure if the one I ordered shows up, I'll have a pair.

So tonight I did my first loner kettle bell workout. John was outside playing with the dogs (I didn't want any of the dogs getting a concusion while I was swinging my bell.

I did a 25 minute workout and now I am dripping with sweat and my muscles are twitching. I loved it. Of course its not the same as being with all my kettle bell girls, but I really missed the feeling of sweat rolling down the sides of my face and the endorphins that kick in almost immediately. I think the lack of this hard sweat is what has made me feel so blah. Maybe I really need that post workout high to keep my eating more in line.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Kettle Bell Torture and Weigh in Report

Down .8 pounds today. I'm really getting things under control again.
I didn't stay for the meeting today, instead I made the all too familiar commute to go to Kettlebell and see a few of the friends I have missed since I started my new job.
Holly Shit! The only exercise I've been doing the past month is walking with mom every day for 30 minutes. I have not done a "real" workout since I left my old job a month ago. I was winded, had to sit down at one point becuase I was close to passing out, and went to the bathroom to throw up (false alarm). Talk about out of shape!
I ordered a kettle bell for home but it is on back order. So I have got to make a point to get over to kettle bell more often to do real workouts.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Stickin' around

My lack of posts does not mean I have fallen off the wagon. On the contrary, everything is really falling into place. This week I have even started to get some exercise. Nothing too strenuous, but three days in a row I have gotten in a 30 minute walk on my lunch hour. My eating has been good. I haven’t been doing the diet doc program. I have just been sticking to the WW points. Getting back on track was my priority and when I would think of following Diet Doc, I would feel much too restricted and I thought it was better to just get my intake under control and then morph back into the Diet Doc program later.

I find that my mood has improved and the time that I was spending on the road commuting to work, I am now spending training dogs and actually cleaning my house. The dogs all love getting their individual time with me working on their programs. Ruby is working on her 2nd obedience title which is called the “Open” or “CDX” title. Cruise and Morgan haven’t done any obedience so they are training for their “Novice” or “CD” title. It’s nice for all of us to have purpose again. In later posts I’ll bore you with all our training foibles.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Dog Treats

Seashore asked for my dog treat recipe so I thought I would share it with all of you. First the disclaimer: I am neither a vet nor a dog nutritionist. I would not feed my dogs these treats instead of their daily ration of kibble. These are simply a tasty treat that my dogs enjoy. Your dog may have allergies and/or not like these treats. Use your own judgment.

Mind you, I don’t measure anything I just eyeball it. I use the same base mixture and then just change out the “yummy” ingredient for variety. Here are a few of the different things I have used as the “yummy” ingredient. 1 can of mackerel or salmon, 1 ½ cups pureed boiled liver, 1 ½ cups browned ground meat (I’ve used venison, ground beef and ground turkey). I’ve pressure cooked freezer burnt steaks and roasts to add too. Your only limit is your imagination and your dog’s taste buds.

3 cups Flour (I use Whole Wheat and Graham flour)
1 cup corn meal
½ cup powdered milk
3 eggs
¼ cup flax meal
“yummy ingredient”
1/2 cup beef or chicken broth

I mix all this together in a large bowl to a thick cookie dough consistency. I often have to add more of the flour to get it right. I roll the mixture out on a cookie sheet lined with foil. Before I bake them I use my pizza cutter to cut them into bite sized training bits.

I bake the mixture in an oven at 300 degrees for about an hour. The result is a soft chewy treat. If you wanted to make crunchy treats I would suggest almost doubling the baking time although I have never done this.

These treats have no preservatives so they will mold in a couple of days. I keep them in the freezer until I am ready to use them.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I'm back Baby!

Down 2.2 pounds today. Only need to lose another 1.4 to get back down to my lowest. I am very pleased. I really didn't get back on track until Tuesday of this week. I feel like I am back in control of my emotional eating.

This week went much better for me. I think I am finally hitting my stride at the new job (I've stopped being so homesick for my old job) and understanding how the new boss likes things. Fortunately, she is very clear about how she likes her office to run. Once, I understand the rules and what to do, I will feel much more comfortable.

Today it is dreary and raining so I am baking dog treats all day. Ruby and I are going to start training tomorrow for her next obedience title so I need some good reinforcement treats for her. I like to make all my own dog treats. I do it because it is cheaper and this way I know what ingredients are in them.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

On Track

Saturday at WW my leader asked us these questions. I think having them knocking around in the back of my mind has helped this week.

Why did you first come to WW?
Why is losing weight so important to you?
What benefits can you gain by losing weight?
How does investing in your health save money?

Two days in a row back on track. I haven't exercised in forever, but I have had two days in a row back on eating plan. Which is a start in the right direction. I feel like the light bulb is turning back on again.
Each day is getting better and I'm feeling more comfortable in the new job. Today I had a lot more work to do and the busier the better for me.

Monday, September 8, 2008

I'm here

I’m here. Sorry for lack of posts. I’ll catch you all up. First things first. Weigh in report for this past Saturday. I was up 3.6 lbs. I just wasn’t able to undo all the damage I had done the week before. This week is going better. I didn’t say perfect, but better.

The new job is coming along. I’m a bit distraught daily wondering if I did the right thing making the change. It is just so much more restrictive than I ever thought it would be. Now we are not allowed to use the computers or internet for personal use EVEN on our lunch hours or breaks. None, Nada, Never. What the f^ck is up with that? So, now I only have a few minutes in the morning before I leave for work and in the evening to catch up on email, and all things internet related. It is hard to be on the computer when you have seven dogs around you wanting attention and they usually win over the computer.

Today the boss says she is going to have a staff meeting tomorrow morning to talk about dress code. Evidently, the dress code is not set by the county; rather it is set by each department head. So while the office next to ours wears colored jeans and polo shirts with the county logo on them, my boss feels that is too casual (I agree on the colored jeans) and she wants us to dress more professional. I’m anxious to hear what she has to say tomorrow.It just all feels so controlling to me. I swear I catch myself on the verge of tears a few times a day. (Okay, more than a few….)

Tonight my mom reminded me that when I took my last job I did the same thing for more than a month. Crying, questioning if I had done the right thing, wanting to go back to what was easy and familiar. It really helped me when she told me that tonight. I don’t remember hating my last job when I went. My friend said it’s like childbirth; you forget the rough parts during the birth and just remember how it ends.

On a good note, I do think my boss is nice, and I like the other three girls in the office. Once I have a firmer grip on how to do my job, I think it will be varied and interesting enough to keep me awake each day.

So, I’m hanging on, my eating isn’t perfect, but I am praying to at least stay the same on Saturday, and that is all I can muster right now.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Internet withdrawl

OMG! It is so tough not being able to check in on all my favorite blogs each day at work. I'm actually having to use my free time at home to write this! Oh the insanity of being expected to be productive at work!
I have been successful at resisting the stupid candy bowl. I even brought in a bag of apples and put them beside it. Eating has been good, although not on time. This is a much busier job than the old one and there just isn't the time to eat at my desk (which is a really good thing). I am also moving more. At my old job I would sit in my little cave and not move all day. This job has me zipping all over the office. Tomorrow I'm going to wear my pedometer just so I can see just how much walking I'm doing.
Tomorrow is the farmers market so I am going to plan a walk down there at lunch.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

First Day

Well today was my first day on the new job. My new boss Joyce, brought me three beautiful roses which I thought was amazingly thoughtful. Unfortunately, she also brought two dozen donuts with her! I guess they put out the food bait and send a mass email out to all employees that there is a newbie in the building. I met a lot of new people today, very few of whom I will remember names of for a while. Everyone seems so friendly.
My mom sent me flowers as well along with a gift card for Biggby’s. We went for the first of many lunches at the local café. She couldn’t stop grinning. It was also nice that I bumped into old coworkers and friends there too. It feels nice to be home.

There are landmines in the new office. Just behind my desk, right next to the cold water, is an enormous dish with candy in it. I’m not talking the cheap stuff that nobody wants like Werthers originals, or tootsie rolls…….. I’m talking Snickers and Three Musketeers fun size bars! AAAAAKKKKKKK! I will be bringing in a big dish of fruit to counter act all that nasty sugar. My eating was right on track. I wasn't able to space out my feedings exactly, but I packed all my food and my totals for the day are right in line with where I am supposed to be. Whew, another clean day.

I think the most difficult part of this job is going to be my lack of autonomy and freedom. I am used to goofing off when I feel like it, taking lunch when I feel like it and being on the internet all day. Not going to happen here. My morning break is scheduled at 10am (which is good, I can get a feeding in) and lunch is from 12:30 to 1:30. My computer monitor faces the boss’ office so no more blogging from work. I asked if I could check my email at the tail end of my lunch and she said I could but to not make a habit of it as if the public comes to the window and I am sitting at my desk not helping them, they don’t know I’m on my lunch and may feel that I am misusing tax payer dollars. She also hates the distraction of music (another girl in the office told me that). That I can live without.

Tonight I had to work late as my main job is to be at the Board of Commission meetings and those are held in the evenings. You would think that would be seriously boring but it really wasn’t. It was so interesting to see these commissioners seriously look at ways to save the county money. I learned more about my county government than I ever knew existed to know! Of course one of the commissioners is an old friend so he gave me a great welcome and praised my new boss on her great choice in the new staff which I thought was so sweet of him.

So first day went really well. I’m so glad to get up late and stay up late at night (look at me.... up past 9pm tonight!). I’m sure I’ll get used to the lack of freedom and also finagle a way to get more computer freedom (like rearranging my desk so the boss can’t see my monitor).

I did get a really nice note from the owner of my former company which brought tears to my eyes. Despite having a great first day I really missed my old coworkers (yep tearing up right now.... Tracey).

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Crossing it off the List

Today I am able to cross another “want” off my list. My step dad took me both kayaking and canoeing while we were up to the lake for their labor day BBQ. We had a blast! He showed me how to get in without tipping over and I could have stayed out there for hours. Next week we are planning to kayak down the river which he said is very different than kayaking on the lake.

I know I’ve come a long way from a year ago. But I need to keep in mind that I have a long way to go. Now is not the time to be taking a week off because I am sad. I want to be strong and fit. I can’t slow down now. I have been working on my new “Want list”. I’ll post it when I get it finished.

Hello, Rock Bottom? I'd like to leave now.

Whew. I think I am finally out of this funk. My eating was good today. I didn’t stick with my 3 hour feedings, but ate the right foods in small amounts. Actually I slept until 1pm and then we went to a BBQ at the lake. So really, I ate a total of two meals.

It is amazing what a cycle I started last week. I would over eat, and then feel sick to my stomach and lethargic to where I didn’t want to do anything other than sit and watch TV then I would eat more while I watched TV. Then the guilt kicked in. I would eat, then feel bad about eating, so I would eat some more. Such a cycle. But today I think I’ve finally drug myself out of it.

I can feel that I gained weight this week. I know I should have went to weigh in on Saturday so that I really knew the damage (temporary of course) I did. It’s probably going to take me two weeks to get the (likely) five pounds back off. My stomach is flabbier and my shorts were snug today. I did this to myself just because I was sad about leaving my job? I have really got to find a better way to deal with my feelings. This was ridiculous. One day would have been understandable, but I gave myself a pass for the week. How did overeating help me? It didn’t. Now I have to convince those plumped up fat cells to give it up again.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Tough Week

Well as far as eating this week. I threw in the towel. I don't even plan on going to weigh in tomorrow. I am such an emotional eater and saying good bye to people all this week and packing up my office is taking a tole on me. It's 2pm my last day here and almost everything is packed up and ready to go to the car. I collected a ton of hugs and well wishes from all the people on the floor of the shop and today we ordered in pizza and after we ate a couple of the girls and I played a Grey's Anatomy board game. We always rehashed Grey's on Friday morning (well they did, it was on after my bed time so I would have to talk them into telling me the details before I was able to watch it on my TIVO).
I know that this taking this new job is the right thing for me, but it doesn't make leaving the people I've grown to love any easier. Man, these are amazing people. So much laughter and memories. I do feel like I was part of a big family.
I did already tell them I was crashing the Christmas Party this year.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Horsin' Around

Well, I’ve managed to cross something else off my “Want List”. I can now say I have been horseback riding for the first time in 10 years. Today I went for a 2 hour trail ride with Nikki, Jenny, and Liberty (or as I like to call them, my Kettle Bell Girls). I loved the liability agreement we all had to sign. One of the questions asked if you were under or over 240 pounds! It was wonderful to be able to mark under. I couldn’t have done that last year.

I’m not sure if I can actually call what I did horseback riding because I really rode Molly the mule. Okay, at least she was half horse. Talk about a pushy girl. I guess we were well matched because all she wanted to do was snack as we rode. I really worked my shoulders and biceps pulling the reins up to get her to stop eating.

Liberty (my trainer) pointed out that we were using our core strength to balance and ride. That girl can point out the fitness in everything. I can’t believe I would get to see these girls three days a week. I am going to miss them so much. Fortunately, Liberty does offer some Saturday boot camps, so I am going to plan to get over there for those classes. Plus there are other things I will need to go back for too. The local feed store sells the brand of dog food I buy $6 cheaper than I can get here at home (when you go through a bag a week, that savings adds up). Plus I’ll need to come over every couple of weeks to pick up my Amish eggs. I just keep reminding myself that this isn’t good bye. It’s just a change in scheduling. The friendships I have made in these three girls are not friendships of convenience, I really think they are long term friends.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Afternoon Tantrum

So this afternoon I threw what I am calling an eating tantrum. From 5 pm to 8 pm I grazed to my hearts content. Good thing I didn’t have anything really good in the house. I stuck with Whole Wheat bread, pork tenderloin off the grill, a skinny cow fudge bar, and a vita muffin, oh and a sugar free pudding. I was pissed off about today’s gain and had that destructive attitude that if I’m going to gain, I may as well eat. I know….stupid.

Interestingly this wasn’t like the old binges. This was the first time I went on an eating spree that I actually carefully weighed and measured everything I ate. I made a mental note of everything I ate and then logged it afterward. The damage really wasn’t bad. I went over my carbs by about 40 grams. Everything else was right in line with what my daily totals are supposed to be. I think the biggest transgression is that I didn’t stay within my 3 hour feedings and instead grazed for three solid hours.

Do I feel better? No. Did this teach me anything? Sort of. I knew I wanted to disobey the rules, but not so much as to do any real damage otherwise I wouldn’t have measured and logged what I ate. Maybe I am changing. But I’m still pissed about the gain.

Weigh in Report for August 23rd

There aren't enough swear words to convey how frustrated I am today. I was up 1.4 pounds today. Honestly, I didn't do anything different from last week. I thought I was going to go in for a couple of pound loss today. What is wrong with my body?

It made me so sad to see an 11 year old little girl had joined last week. I could see myself in her. I was her at 11 years old. Already developed, already having to wear adult women's clothes. Don't get me wrong.... I am thrilled that a family member (I couldn't tell if it was mom, aunt, or grandma) was trying to help her by bringing her, but I can guess this is going to be her life's work, (as is mine) at battling eating disorders, self esteem problems and not feeling like she fits in with the rest of her friends. I certainly hope this won't be her lot in life, but you know as well as I do, that once this gets a hold of us, we will battle it all our lives. I just wanted to take her and hug her and tell her that no matter what her size she is beautiful and valuable but life has to be about more than food.

Friday, August 22, 2008

What happened to my town?

Yikes, I ran into town tonight after work to grab a couple of things and my town has been invaded with college students! The clerk at Kroger told me that this is the largest freshman class ever for this university. The streets and stores are clogged. As I entered Kroger I passed a group of young men (boy, don’t I sound old) with a keg in their cart along with bottles of hard liquor. Someone isn’t going to feel so good in the morning.

Actually, “Back to School” time makes me very nostalgic for that time in my life when every thing was possible and within reach. I know, your going to say, everything is still possible and within reach. Yeah, it is sort of, but it doesn’t come with the same youth and naïveté anymore. I long for that “fresh start” and the smell of old books and freshly sharpened pencils and brand new markers.

In a way I’m getting that fresh start this year by starting my new job in a few days. In honor of my fresh start; I splurged on an insulated tote to carry my lunch in as I’ll be leaving behind the mini fridge I currently share with my coworker. I’ll need something to keep food poisoning at bay. It is so cute. It’s black with pink polka dots. You wouldn’t even know it was a cooler; it looks like a big zippered purse.

It reinforces how many changes I have made in my life that when I think of treating myself I no longer think of food. A treat or a splurge is about me. Not eating.

Stress? What Stress?

Actually other than putting in longer hours than normal, this week hasn’t really been that bad. My boss in a moment of emotional weakness said that he valued my opinion on chosing my replacement and asked me along with two coworkers to conduct the 2nd interviews. I asked him to repeat what he just said louder and into the microphone and he said “no, you only get to hear that once. I really think he is going to miss me. I’m sure he would never say it, but some things you just know.

It was nice to be on the other side of the interview table. I was really nervous interviewing for my new position as it had been four years since I had used those “pick me!” skills.

It is going to be really hard leaving next week. As I took my replacement around the factory floor to introduce her to people, those that had not heard I was leaving said they were very sad to see me go and I even got some hugs. Really flattering.

Eating has been stellar. I have continued to eat my 6 meals consisting of about 22 grams protein and 22 grams carbs and keep my fat intake to about 30 grams per day. Other than impatiently waiting for the feedings on Sunday and Monday, it has gone smoothly again this week.

I did manage to pawn my trainee off on someone else for an hour so I could make kettle bell class today. My kettle bell days are numbered with changing jobs and I want to spend all the lunch hours with my girls that I can. Very good class. We spent the first 15 minutes doing timed snatches along with two handed swings then she had set up 6 bells of progressive weight (lightest was 35 pounds and the heaviest was 88 pounds) For the first lap, we had to do 10 sumo squats with each bell. Let me tell you, by the time I finished with the 88 pounder, my thighs felt like I had cement blocks strapped to them. We did the same thing (only backwards…started with heaviest weights and finished with lightest) only plie squats instead o sumos. Amazing how the 35 pound bell felt like a marshmallow after lifting the big boy.

Monday, August 18, 2008

When is my next fricking feeding?

I’m working on my terrible swearing habit as my new job is in a nice proper office and not a factory where you can throw around f-bombs any time you like. So I will try to clean up the blog as well.

Diet Doc is going so well (obviously….. considering my loss on Saturday). I am not physically hungry. I actually have been eating around 24-28 points, so it’s not like I have dropped my calories to dangerous levels. This program just rearranges what you eat when and how much at a time. I did have my first weekly cheat meal yesterday (3 slices of pizza from our favorite local bar), but I felt so full afterwards, and guilty. I shouldn’t have felt guilty because this is not only allowed, but it is a mandatory part of the progam.

The last couple of days have been so tough though….I have stayed on plan, but man I watch the clock all day waiting for my next feeding. You would think this week would find me filled with resolve because of the nice weight loss on Saturday and being hopeful that my weight loss is finally moving again. I think a lot of my unrest comes from the new job I’ll be starting in a couple of weeks and still wondering if I am making the right decision (I know I am). I was also a lazy bum yesterday and other than a 30 minute hike at the local park with Haven, sat my butt (look at that….I didn’t say ass) on the couch watching Olympic coverage.

I just have to keep at this and fight those urges and find something else to do instead of focusing on food.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Weigh in Report for August 16th

When I said yesterday I thought I was looking at a good loss yesterday, my body wasn't kiddin! I was down 4.2 pounds this week for a total gone of 75.5!!!!! Today my WW leader gave me the little disk that goes on the 10% key ring for 75 pounds lost. What a nice feeling. I am so hopeful that my new eating pattern has really helped move me off the ugly plateu I've been on for so long.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Big News

I am so sorry for being MIA this week. BUT, I have big news! I have been offered (and accepted) a job back in my home town. The week has been filled with secretive interviews, 2nd interviews and actually telling my boss that I am leaving. Emotionally draining for certain. In fact I came home from work tonight and promptly fell asleep for two hours. \

About the job....."career wise" if you consider my degree, this was a step backwards. My new job is being the secretary to the county clerk. "Life wise" this is a huge step in the right direction. The pros to taking this job are many; my commute will be a whole four miles each way. My mom will be working just one floor up from my office so we will be able to spend so much more time together than we have in the past. The county has a better retirement plan, optical, dental, and more vacation and paid holidays than you can shake a stick at!

It will be hard to leave my job as I do enjoy (nearly all) of my coworkers and really respect my boss. I have learned and grown so much in the past four years in this position. I don't think that the automotive industry is a very good place to be at this time in our economy, no one knows what the big three is going to do or how it is going to trickle down and affect the tier two and three suppliers. Some of the biggest cons to leaving are not job related. I will be leaving my kettle bell gym and the amazing girls that I have become friends with. I'll have to actually pay to join a gym as I won't have a gym in the building like I am used to.

I am aprehensive about how all these changes will affect my weight loss. I'll no longer be able to fit my workouts in the middle of the day. I'm going to have to have the fortitude to make sure that I workout before or after work. Of course, while the weather is nice, mom and I will walk on our lunch to fit in a bit more activity.

So these are good changes, but changes none the less. I am pleased to say that even with all the drama and stress this week, I stuck exactly to my eating plan and just know that I am looking at a good loss tomorrow.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Trying Something New

The kettle bell gym I go to offers a program called Diet Doc. Now, if you go to the Diet Doc website, it’s filled with body builders and the like, but I like the science behind the plan and I have decided to try it. I don’t plan on quitting WW as of right now, because I do think the meetings and focusing on behavior management is very important and Diet Doc doesn’t focus on it as much as far as I can tell after being on the program a few days.

Diet Doc is about eating 5-8 small meals and only eating as much as your body will need for the next 3 hours. According to the plan, eating more than that causes your body to store the extra calories, and we all know, I don’t need to store anything for later! You are given a calorie goal and that translates into a protein/carb/fat goal for each meal and for the entire day. My goal is 130 grams of protein, 130 grams of carbohydrate and 30 grams of fat per day. It is really important for these goals to be evenly distributed between your meals (I am doing 6 meals per day).

It sounds complicated and it does take a bit to get in the mind set of what is a carb what is a protein (instead of counting calories, points and fiber)and how to combine them but once you get that part down then it is all about planning your meals. This does take a bit more planning. The other struggle is getting used to eating small meals. Dinner is not an occasion to eat a huge meal, dinner is simply your 6pm feeding and you would treat it just like your 3pm feeding. Little bit of protein, little bit of carb and a little bit of fat. I have to keep in mind that I have 6 opportunities to eat instead and no longer graze all day takes a bit of getting used to as well. I so want to get to a point in my life where food is not about enjoyment and it is just about fueling your body nothing else. I know that is a lofty goal, but it is something I can work toward.

I am encouraged and hopeful that this will help me continue to lose weight. I have been doing the program since Friday. So far I have met with my trainer twice for about an hour at a time, planning meals, and going over the program so you do get some face to face individual attention, which I think is important.

The pic is from 2002 of me in Beijing.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Weigh in Report for August 9th

Well, Well, Well, I was down 1.8 pounds today for a total loss of 71.6 pounds gone. I am very please with the downward progress this week. Hopefully next week I will be at an all time low.....let's hope the scale spirits agree.
So what was different about this week? Two things come to mind. I was much more careful about spreading my points evenly throughout the day so that I didn't have 5 points at the end of the day to blow on junk food. I also mixed up my exercise this week more than normal. I hopped on the stairmaster one day, did two workouts at the kettlebell gym and an hour of bike riding one day.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

The New I Want List?

One of the many topics of conversation Saturday was about the catalyst for losing weight or the reasons that keeps us going. It dawned on me that I have accomplished most of my Want List, and maybe that is the reason I am not being as successful as in the past. I know I’ve never given you numbers of what my heaviest weight was or what I am down to, but you know I’ve gone from 26 to the size 16 I wear now. My want list was concrete, tangible things that I wanted to be able to do in my life. I wanted to go horseback riding (on the calendar this month) I wanted to be able to sit in a lawn chair without worrying I would break it (done).

I have accomplished a lot. I’ve come a long way. I know I fuss, moan and whine about not losing any weight since May, but damn, I haven’t quit and gone back to the Ding Dongs and Totino’s pizzas! That says a lot. Old Brenda would have thrown in the towel for not losing weight for two and a half months and would be sitting watching TV with her double date Ben and Jerry. Old Brenda would have stopped exercising already. New Brenda has stuck with it. Comments from you guys both on the blog and privately have helped so much.

I need to think of the things that I want to do 65 pounds from now that I don’t feel comfortable doing now. I need those tangible reasons that remind me that I’m not finished with this. Yeah, I can hear some of you saying “wear a skimpy bathing suit, fit into a size 6, reduce your risk of heart disease”, all valid goals for some but those don’t inspire me with passion. I need to know in my heart why I am doing this and why I will continue to the end. Maybe it’s that I know I need to reach goal in order to become a WW leader, maybe I do have that marathon in me that I need to finish. I did say I wanted to be a runner in my first Want List. I haven’t run a step in months, so there is some unfinished business there to revisit.

So it’s time to revamp the Want List from what I was to where I want to go. Suggestions are always welcome.

Never Fear, I am Here!

I have not thrown in the towel. I am so sorry I didn’t post a weigh in report this weekend. I got sidetracked with a trip to Ann Arbor for a Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s fix with my mom and a couple of friends on Saturday right after WW.
I was down .6 pounds this week. I can live with that, it’s a movement in the right direction. It isn’t the apology from the scale I would hope to receive…( I was thinking some astronomical number and that it would also flash, “I’m sorry Brenda for screwing with you so much the last couple of months). But, down is down and that counts for something, half hearted apology accepted.

Saturday was a blast and reenergizing. The friends that went with us this month include Kristy, who I’ve known and adored for more than 15 years. She’s a power house of a person, with a degree in dietetics and has been diligently trying to help me get over this hump. She brought along her friend Blaine who is a personal trainer, avid runner, bike racer and nutritionist for a local gym. Nothing like having the most amazing brains in the car for a long road trip.

Blaine and Kristy went to work on my eating habits and the way I eat my points. I confessed to eating light during the day (only 12 of my 28 points are used by the time I leave work for the day) and gave me structured amounts to eat at each meal and snack. I am to eat 6 points for each meal and have two 4 point and one 2 point snacks throughout the day.

Kristy and Blaine talked about muscle memory and that they think our bodies may do the same thing when we eat the same food every day. My understanding of muscle memory is that when we ask our bodies to do the same routine every single day (30 minutes on the treadmill, 20 minutes on the Stairmaster…) our bodies just say, “Oh…..okay, I know how to do this and I will do it more efficiently today so I can save myself work in the end. Kind of like the super old commercial with the Dunkin’ Donuts guy. “It’s time to make the donuts….” It is all very rote and your body just starts going through the motions.

They both thought that not only do I need to stop eating my same English muffin with PB2 for breakfast and a salad for lunch with 5 ounces of chicken, they also thought that mixing up how many points I eat each day (instead of 28 every single day) would be a good idea. Neither of them thought I should drop my points or eat less and Blaine thought that a couple times a week I should add in an extra 5 points or so of protein on top of my normal points. She very clearly stipulated that the extra 5 points were not to be applied to eating no pudge brownies and ice cream.

So I got a great pep talk, which I really needed and some ideas to try. Well see how it goes.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

97 More Days

Whooo Hoooo! Only 97 more days until the presidential election. I think that our democracy and voting process are very important, but I am so beyond sick of all the mud slinging. I will be so glad when it is over.

I know I sound like a cynic, but neither of them is the perfect candidate and both are likely just telling us what we want to hear and aren’t likely to keep their promises once in office.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Back to an Old Favorite

I started getting things back undercontrol Monday afternoon. Note I said afternoon........ I managed to polish off a packaged of vitamuffins in the morning (how did they get in my cart at Meijers????) I ended up with my points at 22 for the day, so I undid 6 points of damage which is a step in the right direction.

Today things really fell back in line. I didn't go to kettle bell today. I decided to workout by myself in the gym at work. It had been a long time since I did anything but change my clothes in there. The VP added a little mini fridge with bottled water while I've been gone. While I love my new friends and kettlebell workouts, this was a refreshing visit with an old friend. I didn't do anything particularly exciting.....one minute intervals between level 4 and level 10 on the treadmill walking at a brisk pace. I really worked up a sweat and felt great afterward.

I think this is another example of my extremism behavior. Instead of doing a little bit of everything, I get focused on one thing and do it ad nauseum. Moderation Brenda.....Moderation Maybe I need a tatoo of this on my forearm so I remember to live this way more often.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

My attitude really sucked after weigh in on Saturday and my food journal can back that up. I guess I just figured if I am going to gain weight, I may as well eat. I know….. really bad attitude. I did well while I worked at the park, but once I got home, all bets were off. I went 10 points over my daily on Saturday and things only got worse on Sunday.

Sunday I had a birthday party to go to for a friend and I started freaking about what to wear or if I would have anyone to talk to. I started eating even before I left the house. I just started grabbing at food. Potato chips (which I don’t even like) with chocolate chips (makes the potato chips tolerable). Then I ate chicken leg and a fiber one bar. Once at the party, I went to town on the nuts and mints sitting on the table, I ate a BBQ sandwich and the huge piece of birthday cake they set in front of me. It wasn’t even chocolate cake, but I ate it all the same. You would think I would have recovered my senses on the way home but then I threw a pork loin on the grill along with some corn on the cob. I finished the night off with a no pudge brownie with ice cream and a fiber one bar just as I went to bed. Whew…you tired yet?

I estimate I went about 16 points over my daily points on Sunday. I may have gone over board, but I did write everything down…….you thought that would have stopped the madness. So the total weekend damage is about 26 points. I’ll round that figure up to 30 just to be safe.

My plan is to cut back my daily points each day to make up the insanity and add in two extra workouts.

Weigh in Report for July 26th

Remember last week's weigh in report? Go read it again. Same thing happened this week.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Baseball is so Boring

Last night my hubby and I went to see another minor league baseball game. I am not a sports fan in general, but enjoy going to the Tiger games in Detroit because there’s so much more to do than watch baseball.

Maybe it’s just this minor league team, but they just can’t seem to hit the ball anywhere. They don’t need to rake the field because it’s rare for anyone to actually run the bases. I will say it is a beautiful stadium and the staff are the most friendly and accomodating I've ever experienced.

I was so bored and all the food smelled so good. I could have eaten three days worth of points just out of boredom. I did go prepared though; I ate an egg white sandwich before I left for the game along with some steamed veggies. I also packed a vita muffin and some trail mix in my purse for sweet snacks. The only thing I bought to eat was a soft pretzel with salt. We didn’t eat any hotdogs.

While it was nice to spend time with my hubby, I told him he can invite a friend to enjoy the other two games that we have tickets for.

The Beer is Working!!!!

My co-gardener just called and she said the beer slaying of the slugs is working. She said it is amazing how many dead slugs there were in all of our containers this morning when she checked on the garden.

Tonight it's my turn to fill up the containers with beer although I did find a recipe for something else that should produce the same result. I guess the slugs are attracted to the yeast. So I found a recipe that called for 1 cup of water, ½ cup of sugar and ¼ teaspoon of yeast. When the beer runs out we will likely switch to that concoction.

I am just so pleased that we found a way to rid our garden of a pest without resorting to nasty chemicals.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

My Eggs come from Happy Chickens

Last night I made my bimonthly trip out to the Amish farm to buy eggs. I get 12 dozen at a time and give three to my friend, and two to my mom and the rest are mine to last me two weeks. We really do go through all the eggs too. John and I eat the whites, the dogs get the yolks, and the shells go into my cooking compost! I save the containers and return them back to the Amish for refilling. I love that nothing is thrown away. Some Amish do run puppy mills and would never support an Amish family that did that, but this family only raises livestock. I've not seen any dogs.

Today I snuck a picture from my van of my happy chickens (I assume they are happy, as I was unable to interview them individually) scratching away at the grass eating grubs or other yummy insect goodness. I say I had to sneak a picture because the Amish farmer was there and the Amish do not like their picture taken. Trust me the white specks in front of the barn are chickens.

The more I read about where our commercial food comes from the happier I am that at least one thing I eat isn’t injected with who knows what and isn’t kept in a tiny cage. I am currently reading Michael Pollans, The Omnivore’s Dilema. It has been very informative read without the finger wagging of everything from the grocery store is evil. This guy just actually follows the route of food from beginning to our plate.

Yesterday was the first time there was a person around. There is a sign on the door that says eggs self serve and inside the door is a little table with dozens of eggs boxed up. The Amish do not believe in electricity so the eggs are not refrigerated. Some people freak out about this, but these are FRESH eggs, they don’t need refrigerated (think about it, the hen it came from is room temperature). My understanding is that commercial eggs are refrigerated because they have no idea how old they are and that way they can put freshness date on them of 4 weeks from when you buy them. I do refrigerate my eggs when I get them home, but a friend of mine doesn’t. He stores his in the breezeway of his house and has never had any problems. This Amish farm also takes orders for fresh chickens, and I think the next time I stop I will order a couple of chickens too

Garden Bounty

I got a panicked call from my friend about our garden this weekend and did not take her seriously enough. She said we had slugs in our garden. I imagined a cute little snail without a shell just living in the garden. No such luck.

We have a total alien infestation of these buggers! They are eating and boring holes in all of our food! I found one inside a faded blossom of a zucchini plant eating the veggie as it formed. There are thousands of them all over everything. Everything is on the buffet for these aliens.

I did some checking on line and it said to put out trays of beer in the garden and the slugs will be drawn to it and they will drink the beer and die. I ran to the local party store and grabbed a 12 pack of the cheapest beer I could find. I asked the clerk as I was paying if this was their cheapest beer as I had slugs, and he commented that I must not like my drinking buddies if I am calling them slugs. So I had to explain what a slug was and what I had been told the beer will do to the slugs. Last night we set out 8 little lids and put beer in them. I am anxious for Stacey to call today and tell me if our natural remedy worked.

Anyway, I was able to pick some basil, zucchini, radishes, green beans, and dill. I chopped up the zucchini along with an onion, some small red potatoes, basil, and a can of diced tomatoes then I topped it with some shredded Monterey jack cheese. It was so good I brought the leftovers with me for lunch today.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Product Review: Trader Joe's Ground Buffalo Steak Burgers

I have always heard that buffalo is supposed to be very good for you. It is a lean meat and most often grass fed so it is high in Omega 3s. I found these on my last shopping trip to Trader Joe's. I thought these were pretty reasonably priced. There were four good sized burgers (frozen weight was somewhere over a pound) in the package and I think they were $5.39 or something like that.

I threw them on the grill last week then topped with the usual hamburger fare. They were amazing. They were so meaty but without the grease. I figure any grease they contained originally was likely burned off from being on the grill. Each burger patty weighed 3.5 oz after cooking.

Now the nutritional information on the box said to count 7 WW points for each burger. I just don’t see how they could have that many points for only 3.5 oz of super lean meat. I would estimate maybe 5 points at the outside for a patty considering that the leanness reminded me of venison more than beef. So I counted it at 5 instead of 7. Thinking back, maybe that was part of my 1 pound gain this week.

Anyway, they were delicious off the grill, although I would guess they would taste just as good off the George Foreman grill. I also thought the price was right. This will be on my next Trader Joe’s list for sure.

Product Review: Trader Joe's Buffalo Burger


I have always heard that buffalo is supposed to be very good for you. It is a lean meat and most often grass fed so it is high in Omega 3s. These were pretty reasonably priced. There were four good sized burgers in the packaged and I think they were $5.39 or something like that.
I threw them on the grill last week then topped with the usual hamburger fare. They were amazing. They were so meaty but without the grease. I figure any grease they contained originally was likely burned off from being on the grill. Each burger patty weighed 3.5 oz after cooking.

Now the nutritional on the box said to count 7 WW points for each burger. I just don’t see how they could have that many points for only 3.5 oz of super lean meat. I would estimate maybe 5 points at the outside for a patty considering that the leanness reminded me of venison more than beef. So I counted it at 5 instead of 7. Thinking back, maybe that was part of my 1 pound gain this week.

Anyway, they were delicious off the grill, although I would guess they would taste just as good off the George Foreman grill. I also thought the price was right. This will be on my next Trader Joe’s list for sure.

Product Review: Trader Joe's Meatless Balls

This is the second time I’ve had the meatless balls from Trader Joes. Six meatballs are 3 WW points, which considering their size is a pretty good value. These are precooked so all you have to do is heat and eat.

The first time I had them for dinner I baked them in the oven for 25 minutes and they came out so good. Just a little crunch on the outside like I like. I just put them on top of the pasta and sauce when we were ready to eat.

This time I just added them to a can of Marinara sauce with some onions and mushrooms. I didn’t like them this way as well as cooking in the sauce made them soggy. The taste is still really good and I am always looking for meat substitutes that John won’t protest.

The other day he needed an ice pack for his leg and wanted to use them instead of a bag of veggies and I could have come out of my skin. Not my Trader Joe’s Meatless Balls!!!! He does like them he was just trying to get a rise out of me.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Car troubles continued.....

I got a call from my insurance agency this afternoon. Evidently what the policeman said to me the morning of the accident was not what he decided to write on the police report! While he told me that we were both at fault for the accident, according to the insurance, the report indicates I was the only one at fault.

This means that not only aren't any of the damages to my car covered, but now my insurance says I have to pay the other persons deductable to the tune of $500! For goodness sake, I don't even have a car that will run let alone look like anything other than a white trash mobile and now they expect me to cover her $500 deductable on top of the unknown amount to fix my own car by the time all is said is done.

I will admit I was at partly at fault for trusting that she was turning left even though she turned right and didn't have a blinker on and not being able to stop my vehicle, that's the law, but damn it, she was at fault too!

The insurance is giving me a choice, I pay the $500 and nothing goes on my insurance record. If I choose to not pay the $500 they will put an "at fault" accident on my insurance record for 3 years and my insurance premiums will go up. She wasn't able to tell me how much they woud go up.

On my commute home I alternated between wishing the persons hair to fall out, to wishing the police officer's pants to fall down on his next call, to crying because where the hell am I going to come up with $500 when I don't even have the money to fix my own damn car!

What I didn't do when I got home, was stress eat! Instead I just collected all the poodle kisses that were needed to make me realize there aren't many more important things in the world than poodle kisses. I fixed my dinner (spaghetti with meatless balls) and ate it. There were even vitamuffins in the fridge!

So the score stands: Insurance company: $500, Brenda: self restraint and seeing the bigger picture.

Speaking of eating choices

Here is a questionable combination: Tuna sandwhich and a grande sugar free mocha from Biggby's.


Every week I have a coffee lunch with one of my most amazing friends. She works at the local hospital and I pick her up we have coffee at Biggby's and chat about our lives. I so look forward to this face time with her. We chat via email all the time, but sometimes it's just good to see the face of a friend.

Today was our coffee lunch. Then I came back to the office and ate my tuna sandwhich. Gotta say now I feel a bit queasy.......

New Day

Okay, I'm done with my whining pitty party and moving on. I do not want to stay at this weight, but I don't feel like I am entirely in control so all I can do is live my life like I plan to live it until the end.
Make good eating choices, drink water, and move more. As I have said before that's what I can control. Funny how I keep saying that but it doesn't seem to sink in like it should.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Weigh in Report for July 19th

@!#$*%$#**& (my attempt at an expletive rant)
I was up one pound today. My emotions swing from being pissed off to depressed to feeling like a fraud and a loser (and not the good kind). I worked my gate attendant job today so I had plenty of solitude to reflect on the results of the week. I mean, come on already! I have not been in new weight territory since the middle of May! May....we're talkin' like two frickin months ago! No real weight loss in two months.

On a side note this morning I only drove part of the way in to weight watchers and then pulled my bike out of the van and rode it the rest of the way. I estimate I rode about 2 1/2 miles each way. I also hit kettle bell class twice this week. I looked up the activity points for kettle bell and it is considered high intensity for 30 minutes and equals 5 activity points.

So I am looking over my journal and here are my points for each day. I am supposed to have 28 or 29 points per day not including 35 flex points and activity points. I am working off the idea that I had been restricting my calories too much and so I have made a point to use some of my flex and/or activity pionts. So here are the numbers: Sat= 38 ( I consider Sat my splurge day and allow myself 10 or so extra points) Sun=26, Mon=31, Tue=30, Wed=27, Thur=28, Fri=29. I don't think I went crazy this week.

I really hoped I would have a decent loss this week and either be back at my lowest or even in new territory. No suck luck (and I am beginning to thing this is weight loss thing has a lot to do with luck. It sure isn't calories in calories out like Jillian on Biggest Loser is always saying....at least not for me the last few months.

I will keep keeping on. I won't back down, I won't give up. I know that says something about me, I just wish I had some losses to go along with my resolve.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Working on the Garden

This week I ran over to my friends to work on our cooperative garden. While she cooked dinner, her three children and I went to work with a hoe and pulling weeds. Surprisingly it was time to harvest a few things already. The kids and I stood eating fresh green beans right off the plants, we pulled a few small radishes that were a bit crowded and also pulled the last of the lettuce.

The lettuce we planted was a variety mix and one of them is so hot it’ll peal your pants off! We were guessing that it may have been related to the horseradish family. Talk about clear out your sinuses.
There are some roma tomatoes almost ready to pick (next day or two) and the rest of the plants are loaded with fruit. We are going to have so much canning to do. I could make out the very beginnings of the broccoli nestled in its leaves and the heads of cabbage are about the size of a child’s fist.

The cucumbers and various squash plants are enormous and full of fading flowers. The dill, fennel are looking good but something is eating the basil. The onion tops are looking strong and tall.

A few weeks in, we covered all the isleways with newspaper and then covered that with a nice covering of straw. That has made all the difference in the weeds.

Bathing Suit

Hold on to your coulots everyone.

I bought a bathing suit today! I didn’t try it on (I made sure it could be returned though). My friend has a pool and after I gardened the other night I took a dip using one of her old swimsuits.

It has been at least 10 years since I have had a bathing suit on or went swimming. Her suit didn’t fit right so I wore my sports bra underneath it (glad it was just her and the kids). I really enjoyed it. The kids and I played games and did a lot of laughing and splashing.


I’ve always enjoyed swimming just never enjoyed the bathing suit part of it. So I decided I should find a suit (on the clearance rack of course) that I would feel more comfortable in should I decide to take another dip. I'm a long way from feeling comfortable wearing it in public but I am planning to go canoeing next week so I may even feel confident to wear it as we paddle down the river (I'll only scare the fish)!


Talk about a big step. Okay, this is not a pic of my new suit. It doesn’t cover quite this much.

Shout out to the Wisconsin Crew

My mom is out visiting our family in Wisconsin and my favorite cousins Dee and Amanda were telling her how much they enjoy reading the blog. (Hmmmmmm I don’t even hear from one of them……Amanda!!!!)

Mom also tells me that cousin Amanda has dropped an amazing 140 pounds! Whooo hooo girlie! I’m doing the snoopy dance for you. I hear you look amazing. Sure wish I could be there sitting around the bon fire with all of you. Save me some deep fried cheese curds will ya?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Microchipping Your Pet

The Today show this morning interviewed a family from Brooklyn, New York that had lost their dog and it ended up 850 miles away in Georgia. Their dog was returned to them because he had a microchip imbedded in him that the shelter was able to scan and get basic information from such as his name and where the family lived. The only reason they were reunited with their dog was because of that micro chip.

I am a big advocate of microchipping our pets. If you aren’t familiar, these microchips are about the size of a grain of rice and are inserted using a large needle into the area between the shoulder blades of the animal. The microchip can then be scanned (similar to at the grocery store) and contact information (via a form the owner and vet clinic fills out) is linked to that particular chip with the maker of the chip. Most shelters and vet offices have these scanners. I think you can get a chip inserted and registered for around $50 here in Michigan.

All of my dogs have either a Home Again ™ or Avid ™ brand microchip. Some people think this in invasive and prefer to just keep collars and tags on their animals. I like to do both because collars can come off. My dogs do wear collars and the tag on the collar has my phone number, my vet clinic phone number and the word microchipped. That way, when the dog is found the collar tells them right then and there that they are indeed microchipped. I also think (hope) that microchipping will deter someone from trying to steal your dog.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Back to Kettle Bell

I worked out at the kettle bell gym today for the first time in two weeks. That cold really got into my lungs and I hated the thought of coughing all over everyone and leaving my germs all over the bells so I stayed away until I really felt 100%.

It was so great to be back. I missed the girls there so much. I think they actually missed me too. Nikki even even called me at work to make sure I was returning today. I received lots of hugs and was really flattered that they made such a fuss over me getting back there.

I could really tell it had been two weeks since I had worked out. My endurance took a hit and I had to use a lighter bell. I sure worked up a sweat. There is a new trainer leading the daytime classes and she is wicked! I thought Liberty was tough, but the apple doesn't far fall from the tree when it comes to Jen. It felt so good to huff and puff and be drenched with sweat again. I really missed it and can't wait to go back for more punishment tomorrow.

Even better than the workout is that post workout high. Those endorphins that get released give me the most amazing high for about three hours. I can't stop smiling and I caught myself singing at the top of my lungs on the way home. That high is so worth getting sweaty for. The feeling I get I'm sure puts any street drug to shame.


Fresh Ingredients

Michigan is starting to get in good fresh fruit and veggies. Meijer’s has had plums and nectarines (still from California, not Michigan yet) on sale the last couple of weeks that are amazing. The farmers markets that I go to have had strawberries for weeks and are now selling plump juicy blueberries. You can also get plenty of lettuce, peas, radishes and broccoli already.

A coworker and I ate an entire pint of blueberries last week at lunch. Right now, blueberries are $3 per pint and Strawberries are $3.50 per quart. I justify it by reminding myself that I wouldn’t have thought twice about spending $3.50 for a bag of Pepperidge Farms cookies. Now that I value real food over junk food, I shouldn’t balk at paying it for fruits and vegetables.

I just love that I enjoy fruit as much if not more than junk food now. Sure, I eat the vita muffin tops occasionally or a skinny cow ice cream bar (I’m happy to say I have both those binging addictions under control), but I look forward to packing my bag for work with good stuff. I have a plum and a nectarine for morning snack and then bring an apple to eat on the commute home. A year ago, I’d have smacked you if you would have said I would voluntarily eat three pieces of fruit per day.

This weekend at the farmers market I picked up a head of fresh cabbage along with freshly dug red potatoes and onions. I used the cabbage to make another batch of cabbage roll casserole and we had the potatoes and onions on the grill last night. I just cut up them up and put them in an aluminum foil pouch with a touch of olive oil and throw them on the grill for about 12 minutes. Fresh food just tastes so much better than something that was shipped from goodness knows where and then sits in a cardboard box for a week or more. My local farmers market has even been giving away reusable grocery bags. Even though it is supposed to be only one per customer, I have asked for one each week so I have managed to accumulate three of them.

Car Troubles Stress Me Out

The bad news is my car is still not drivable after last month’s car accident. I thought I was close but when I took the new wheel to be aligned, they discovered another $500 worth of repairs that needed done (tie rods, bushings, ball joints, bolts). Man, I’m already $250 in to repairs and I still can’t drive it. We aren’t even talking about making it look decent by pulling out the crashed fender, or putting on a new side mirror. I’m just trying to get it back on the road.

I am very fortunate to have a back up vehicle. I have a 17 year old van that I have been driving. It has its own set of old age problems. Leaking oil, no air conditioner, and a back window that is missing two of the four bolts that hold it on to the door.

The good news is that I am not stress eating. Car troubles have always really freaked me out and made me cry. Yes, I cry when I have car problems. I think it’s that helpless, at the mercy of the mechanic feeling that makes me cry and want to eat. Believe me, I’ve thought about it.

When I got the call about the additional $500 tie rods and other paraphernalia, I almost grabbed quarters and headed for the ding dongs in the vending machine. But I was able to stop and ask myself, what will that really accomplish? Yes the waxy chocolate and sugar laden filling will taste good as I eat them in a total of four bites, but then what. I will still need more car repairs and then I’ll know that I’ve done something that will start a terrible cycle.
I am really pleased that I have been able to talk myself down from the ledge and I think it shows that I am getting stronger and even restructuring my brain a bit.

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Compost Pile

Whoo Hoo, the compost pile is a brewin’. I have had to shred some paper to add to the pile as I came to understand that my ratio of green waste to brown waste was off. I guess you are supposed to have 3 parts brown waste, to 1 part green waste. Green waste includes my fruit and veggie scraps, egg shells, and grass clippings. Brown waste includes dried leaves, twigs, straw and newspaper and dryer lint (I think).

I have lots of green waste and not so much of the brown waste. I shredded some newspaper and am now saving my cardboard toilet paper rolls and to add to the pile to correct my unbalance. If you have too much green then the pile doesn’t “cook” like it should and will begin to smell. There are lots of flies are come out when I remove the lid to put more food scraps in, but I just close it quickly. I’ve also begun to add some water every couple of days. I need to get out the pitchfork and stir things up, but I’m afraid I’m going to get grossed out when I see “disco rice” writhing in the pile. I’m sure it is normal, but still makes me itch.

I finally found something more permanent to hold our waste in the house until I’m ready to go add it to the pile at the end of the day. I had just been using a cool whip container (which was too small), but this weekend I found a 2 ½ gallon plastic paint bucket with a lid. I can accumulate for at least a day before taking it out to the pile. It does have a few holes in the lid so unfortunately I am still attracting fruit flies, so maybe I need to make sure to take it out daily. You can buy kitchen compost pails that are very pretty and even have charcoal filters in the lid if you like, but they are $30, and $3 for the paint bucket was much more appropriate for my budget.

I realize we are only a few weeks into this new habit but already we have reduced our actual garbage that goes to the curb to less than a bag per week. We throw away almost no food garbage now. Either we eat it before it goes bad, the dogs eat it, or it is something that can go in the compost pile. I even read that I can put dog hair in it (believe me I have plenty of dog hair). I just don't know if it is considered green or brown.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Weigh in Report for July 12th

Betcha thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth didn't cha? More on that in another post.

Today I was down 3 pounds! Yippee. ONe more pound and I will be back to my lowest weight which was the 2nd week of boot camp when I lost 7 pounds.

So what did I do different? I ate all my point each day. No telling myself that if I cut out a few extra points I'll have a bigger loss. I even ate some of my flex points last Saturday. I also didn't do any formal exercise all week. The only activity was mowing the grass this week.

So I am going to do the same thing this week with the exception of the exercise. I have really missed going to kettle bell so I add that back in. Maybe I'll even eat a couple of activity points for it.

Hopefully I will get a similar result next week.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Back to Work

Well the holiday is over and it was jammed packed with activity. John and I went to a local minor league ball game on Thursday, went to see the Bay City Fireworks on Friday with his family, and I worked Sat and Sunday as a gate attendant for our local county parks.

I love working as a gate attendant in the summer. It is a nice, low pressure job and the people are usually in a great mood because they are heading out tubing or canoeing on the river, and I get caught up on my reading in between customers. The only drawback is sitting out in the heat sucking in the dust that’s kicked up by all the cars going through. It’s an excuse to relax (read: no laundry, no dishes, no sweeping) and read while making money. I took Monday off from work to recoup and try to get over this nasty summer cold. I slept all day (I was only awake 5 hours). I feel much better today.

Sitting in solitude gave me lots of time to examine my eating habits and refocus my attention on getting back on track and losing weight again. I’m going back to basics: Counting points, weighing and measuring everything and not eating something that I have to “guess” the points on. I really think part of my problems has stemmed from trying new things (carob covered cashews from the health food store), and since I don’t know how to count something I “forget” to count for it at all. I am certainly doing myself a disservice.
I haven’t lost any real weight in months and while on the one hand, I can partially blame this lack of loss on screwing up my metabolism, I have to blame myself for the last month of not counting everything and not eating as well as I could have.

What is that saying… it’s not how many times you get knocked down that matters, it’s how many times you get back up. I think being willing to honestly examine what I’ve been doing and admitting when I screw up, is what’s going to get me to my goal.

Cholesterol Problems in Children?

Did anyone catch the evening news last night? On NBC nightly news the American Academy of Pediatrics is now recommending to start screening children as early as age two if they are considered high risk (family history or are overweight) for high cholesterol and heart disease. They are also approving statins (like Lipitor) be prescribed as early as age 8.

What are we doing to ourselves? I’m reading a book called Eat to Live by Dr Furhman. One of the chapters is titled “Digging Our Graves with Forks and Spoons”. I thought his views seemed a bit extreme as I was reading. Basically he recommends a diet of nearly all vegetables (2 pounds per day minimum) and fruit, with a few beans thrown in. He vehemently opposes the eating of any animal products. That means no dairy, eggs, meat, and such. He firmly believes that those are the cancer and disease causing agents in our lives. About halfway through the book I was already deciding that I wasn’t going to attempt his diet style as it really seemed so restrictive, but now I wonder if I should take a second look.

We are killing ourselves with all the junk we are eating. I also read this weekend that the Japanese eat 30% more calories than we Americans do, yet they weigh 20% less? How can that be? This article said that because their calories come from Vegetables and non animal proteins, their body actually uses what they eat instead of storing it around their middle.
I like junk as much as the next guy. You do have to wonder what our society is going to look like in 20 or 30 years if we don’t change the way we eat.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Weigh in Report for July 5th

Well, I'd love to tell you I had a great loss this week, but I actually gained 1.8 pounds this week. I totally fell down on the job. I "thought" I had been eating well, but honestly did not track or write down much. I also didn't go to kettle bell or do any other form of exercise at all this week. Plus I know I hit the trail mix pretty hard at the minor league baseball game I went to on Thursday night.

So I have no one to blame for this gain but myself. I took the week off from my healthy life and you know what, I am paying for it. I paid for it on the scale today but I also paid for it because I feel totally run down from this cold and I wonder if I would have improved quicker if I had been eating right and exercising.


Live and learn and get back up on the horse and continue to ride into the health sunset.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Grande Sugar Free Skim Mocha No Whip

This is my drink of choice from Biggby coffee that just opened up near where I work. This is the first “real” coffee shop in this town. They had their grand opening last week and I am ashamed to admit this……but …….I went every single day last week for a coffee! I am ashamed because I know that this stuff is crap for your body plus a $4 a day coffee habit does not fit into my meager budget. All the staff and management know me by name already. (It’s like Cheer’s….everyone knows your name). This town was thrilled to have a chain coffee shop. On last Monday, (the official grand opening) the line was 25 people deep at 6am!

I did better this week, I met a friend for a lunch time coffee on Monday and then I stopped this morning for one. Next week I will allow myself to stop once per week and that’s it. Their website gives you all the nutritional information so I can count the calories.

Other than my budding coffee habit, my eating has been good despite being extra tired this week and catching a mother of a cold.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Is it easier when you have more to lose?

I called my dear friend Diana today and she told me that she was officially made a Weight Watchers lifetime member this week. I am so proud of her. I think she lost just under 40 pounds total. She and her husband joined WW the same week that I did.

I just think it must be harder to lose 30 or 40 pounds than the 130 than I needed to lose. I say this because if I were only about 30 pounds over weight, I don’t think I would have even thought I needed to lose weight at all. I just wouldn’t have thought it was such a big deal and just continued on with my life. I’d have bought a bigger size and waddled on. This makes total sense because I was 130 pounds over weight before I decided to do anything. I just kept buying a bigger size each season. It took a huge mountain of a weight problem to get myself motivated.

I am proud of her and everyone else that realizes that just losing any amount of excess weight (even as small as 10% of their body weight) will make a difference in their health.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

End of Quarter Inventory

Not feeling very talkative today as yesterday I stayed until after 10 pm and helped with end of quarter inventory and ended up working a 14 hour day. Pretty tired today considering I got less than 6 hours sleep last night before I need to turn around and get back into work.

Friends and Coworkers

I had a big fender bender on my way to work this yesterday morning. What a way to start a Monday. The end result is that the sheriff deputy found us both at fault which since I have PLPD insurance means that none of my damages will be covered. Minimum I need a new wheel and tire to the tune of about $250. The entire drivers side of the car actually needs replaced, but I will just have the front fender bumped out and call it good. I can think of a lot better places to put my money than just making my car look normal again.

What strikes me is how great some of the people I work with are. My coworker and friend were right on the scene helping me to change the wheel and put on the temporary tire so I could get the rest of the way in to work. Our truck driver is taking care of getting me a deal on the new wheel and tire and one of the tool room guys is all over bumping out the fender and doors.

So, as rotten as my Monday began, I was okay, the other person was fine and my friends and coworkers were right there to help me get things back to normal. I have to feel pretty lucky to have all these people I can turn to for help.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Birthday!

“Don’t just count your years, make your years count” –Ernest Meyers

Today is my 36th birthday. I cannot even begin to tell you how different my life is this year from last. This year, I actually feel 36 (or a bit younger) instead of 65. I can’t even remember my birthday last year it was such a non significant day. I was miserable and so depressed; I remember I was really hurting from the dog show event a few weeks prior. I didn’t feel like I had any value. I ate to suffocate my feelings (not that that was a new thing, I’d always done it, it just got worse last year). I was on a railcar to the bottom of a coal mine. I actually didn’t hit bottom until a month later (I started WW on July 23rd).

This year, I have learned what real friends are. I had them; I just didn’t see and appreciate them like I do now. Three people have already called and sung happy birthday to me this morning. Last night I actually played with my friends kids on their trampoline. I have never been on one before! These kids are teaching me its okay to be silly. I like that. You should have heard them chanting “Go Brenda, Go Brenda”. How cute is that?

So starting with this past year, I am making my years count. I am actually living my life, not just letting the days slip by. And to think that this is only one year into my “new life”, imagine how I’ll have the world by the tail this time next year.

What do I want for myself next year on my birthday? I want ore of what I have right now. More of being happy, more of loving my husband, family and dogs, more of being physically and mentally fit, more of trying new things, and more of enjoying every day.

Happy Birthday to me!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Weekend High lights and Low lights.

Low lights first. I went to an auction looking for a new bike. I found a decent one, and decided I would go as high as $40 for it. I wandered around following the auctioneer watching the other items go when I looked behind me and there was a second auctioneer and he had just finished auctioning off the bikes. The bike I wanted went for $5! No, I didn’t forget to put a zero on the end of that number. This was a nice bike too. It had big shocks on the front, and on the rear wheels, as well as some kind of a suspension thing on the center bar. (Can you tell I know nothing about bikes?) It’s not that I really “need” a new bike, but would have been happy to pick something up. I guess it was not meant to be. I had to keep telling myself that so I didn't spit nails I was so mad when I realized what happened.

Another low light is that my big upright freezer went kaput this weekend. I think the seal went bad. I ate more meat this weekend than I have in months. I managed to fit most of the meat into our freezer in the house, and anything that was remotely looking freezer burned I cooked up for the dogs. The rest was freezer burned veggies and bread so we really didn’t lose much money. I am going to look for something smaller and more energy efficient to replace it.

One of my high lights of course includes my .4 pound loss on Saturday. I also picked strawberries on Saturday and that was quite enjoyable even if it was back breaking. The berries were only $1.40 per pound if you picked them yourself otherwise they are $3.50 per quart this season. Kind of pricey I think. I made John and I some healthy, low sugar strawberry shortcake.

Another high light is that I made my first ever compost bin. I took a 55 gallon plastic barrel (which I already had) and drilled a bazillion holes in it, then put it outside to start composting some of our food waste. I have so many fruit and vegetables peels and scraps that just go into the landfill where they can’t break down because they are trapped in a plastic bag. I need to make a list for John so he knows what can and cannot go into the compost pile. I am still foggy on a few things. I know meat, bones and processed foods are generally a no no. My main purpose is to reduce the amount of garbage we put out to the road. The nice soil it will eventually create will be a bonus, but that is not my primary reason for doing it. I am sick of paying $300 per year for garbage pick up. Between our recycling efforts and now our composting, I think we will reduce our garbage to at most one bag per week. I am terribly ashamed to admit we would put out five bags per week easily before we started recycling. So this is just one more layer to “greening” up our habits.