Hello....Rock Bottom? I'm back but not Staying

I’ve been away for a while….too long. I have fallen so far off the wagon, I can’t even see it in the distance pulling away. Today I was up 4 pounds! My weight is creeping up. I’ll gain a couple, then lose one, overall this is going in the wrong direction. I have gained a total of 6 pounds from my lowest weight. It is time to get things back under control. I think not blogging has made it easier to ignore what has been happening the last couple of weeks.

So what has happened to me? I’m not entirely sure, but I have a few ideas/excuses. None of them are valid enough to allow myself to go back to the way I was over a year ago. I cannot let myself continue to spiral back to that weight.
I like my new job and am settling in fine. The emotional stress of the upcoming election has us all coming unglued right now. Here is a somewhat short version of what is happening. My boss is an elected official and a Republican. She has been the County Clerk for 8 years and has worked in the clerk’s office for a total of 31 years. She is a very nice boss and very capable at her job. For the first time in years the Republicans have competition on the local level with Democratic opponents.

I live in a major college town and the Democratic Party did a great job of getting the young people registered to vote. Our county is up over 12 percent for registered voters since the last election. I think that it is the responsibility of every person to exercise their right to vote. People in other countries would kill to have our right to vote. But I digress…. As the Dems got the kids to register, they also “coached” them on how to vote. The vast majority of these kids are not local students but rather from all over the state. The people registering them knowing that the registering student would want to vote for Obama, told them not to worry about learning about the various candidates, rather they should just mark “straight party ticket” and make it easy on themselves. I just don’t think that was the right thing to do. We should be encouraging people to learn about the candidates and offices and make informed choices, not just elect someone because of their party affiliation.

All of that being said, sure I would like my boss to be reelected, but I will happily work for Andrew if he is elected. I just want to keep my job. I found out that as an elected official, he can change the entire staff when he takes office if he so chooses and I could be out of a job. I am really hoping that doesn’t happen, but you can imagine the stress I feel when I think about how powerless I am in this situation.

So not only have I started eating from the candy dish at work when no one is looking, I also found a bag of Halloween candy in John’s car that he was trying to keep away from me and polished that off too. I have been manic about my eating. I couldn’t shovel the candy in my mouth fast enough; I didn’t taste any of it as I ripped the packages open and then had a belly ache afterwards.

So I don’t really have answers on how to fix this but I do have some things I am working on. One, I am going to the beginning of the blog and rereading every post I’ve written in the hopes I will find the fire I have lost. Two, I am only worrying about the day in front of me and each day make a promise for just that day to stay in my points and not binge. I sound like an addict, and I guess I am. Food had so much of a hold on my life.