Wednesday, November 28, 2007
When I have to eat out, I try to always choose Subway. I’d be lost without Subway. I am so lucky to have a fast food restaurant to grab dinner from. When I am on the run, I can swing in there and have my choice of a few different subs that will only be 5 or 6 points (without cheese, of course). I do wish they were slightly easier to eat while driving, but beggars can’t be choosers. I am just glad that because of subway I don’t have a reason to stop at McDonalds, Burger King or Wendy’s. I realize that we can fit those items in if we really want them, but I don’t want to spend my precious points on those kinds of foods anymore.
Yesterday was my Grandmother’s funeral and at the funeral dinner I wouldn’t eat anything except a pickle. I fixed John a plate, but I just didn’t want to eat those items even though they were lovingly prepared by the church ladies. I ate a serving of my pre-measured trail mix and a banana that I had packed in my car while we drove back to my moms.
It’s interesting how many people pay attention to what you eat at functions. It’s almost like you have to eat something just to get people to stop asking if you are going to eat something. Back off already! If I want to eat I will. I don’t want to eat anything that may jeopardize my momentum. I think I am most scared of eating something and having it trigger a binge or a lapse into old eating habits. I’m sure the farther along I go in this journey the more comfortable I will be about not controlling the content of every morsel that touches my lips, but until then, I am going to be vigilant.
Monday, November 26, 2007
I like to be able to justify food that I consume. I don’t want what I eat to be tied to emotions anymore. I want to logically know that there is a physical/scientific reason for eating something. Here are a few examples: Trail mix has healthy oils and is high in protein. Sugar free pudding has a serving of calcium which all women need more of. A fiber one bar has a ton of fiber (thus the name). I choose boneless skinless chicken breasts because they are a good source of protein. I eat egg whites for the same reason. I know that my body needs nutrients so that it can build muscle and won’t think its starving.
It’s like the light bulb has finally gone off inside of me that screams at me to give my body what it needs instead of what my head wants. We can’t forget the old saying. “Eat to Live….don’t Live to Eat.”
Saturday, November 24, 2007
BTW.....No, I did not win 2 million dollars. A coworker did this year and we each posed with the check and pretended for a moment it was us.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
You can’t get away from Hickory Farms. They have booths in the mall; even Target has an end cap with all of their stuff. These items take up a chunk of that buffet table and often end up on your plate for the mindless eating you do at holiday gatherings. High fat meats and cheeses. Danger, Danger.
At work we are given a Honey Baked ham at Christmas. Ohhhh these are so yummy and not something I would ever purchase on my own. Once opened, that ham is a food group all its own. Ham sandwiches, scalloped potatoes and ham, ham and cheese omelets. (my stomach is growling and I have an abundance of saliva in my mouth right now thinking about it) Needless to say we have always really appreciated this gift and enjoyed it. This year, however, I think I will give it to my local soup kitchen and let someone else enjoy it. I just don’t dare have that ham in the house. I would love to have one of their turkeys instead, but it would be rude to complain about a gift from my company.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Do You Know Brenda?
It was as if the weight watcher fairies were speaking directly to me!
This got me to thinking.... Do I know Brenda? I certainly know the old Brenda, the one that binge eats until she is sick. But how well do I know the new Brenda? What do I need to know about her and what she needs in order to ensure her success?
I fancy myself pretty focused on my weight loss but I know that I am not invincible and there are many things I know I cannot handle myself around. My friend Deb calls these “trigger foods”. These are foods that once in their presence you are in a trance and have no recollection of the events that transpire before you “come to” and the item has disappeared and you are staring at an empty package. In my case the sneak eater/binger personality takes over and I am sunk.
I used to pick up those rotisserie chickens at the grocery store. While chicken is very good for you, I would eat every bit of skin on that damn thing quicker than a New York minute. Plus I prefer the dark meat. So instead of having a healthy breast, I know I would want to eat all the legs, thighs and wings and leave the skinless breasts for John. I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I may make a bad choice. So far, I am planning to buy a Turkey breast for Thanksgiving that way I don’t have the temptation of dark meat. No Bake Cookies: I will never allow myself to make no bakes cookies again. Actually that applies to most cookies. I know that I can’t control myself with warm cookies and milk and it is way more important for me to be successful than to make some stupid cookies. Ice cream by the half gallon: I am religious about measuring my food, but I know I would try to eyeball when it came to dishing out the ice cream. Instead I will continue to buy my skinny cow bars.
I thought trail mix would be a trigger food for me. I really like trail mix. The kind I buy from Sam’s club is 3 points for ¼ cup. I think what saves me on the trail mix is that the moment I get it, I divide the bag into serving size zip locks. So, no grabbing a handful, guessing at the serving size, when I grab a zip lock I know that is a 3 point serving. I even keep it in the car console for a healthy snack after a long walk.
I know that this may sound very rigid and overall weight watchers teaches us that anything can be fit into our new way of life. But I think we also have to really know ourselves and realize that we have to make a choice that there are some things we can not do again. I think of it like a recovering alcoholic. They know that they shouldn’t put themselves in situations that may lead them to take a drink. Maybe with time and experience, I will be able to work some of these things back in my life. Until then, I am going to protect myself from situations that put my health and wellbeing in danger.
So what are your trigger foods? Do you avoid them all together like I have so far, or manage to control yourself?
Monday, November 19, 2007
John and I had a great Sunday night together. We had out annual viewing of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation last night. We turned the lights out, snuggled under blankets and laughed so hard we cried. It was so nice to just spend quiet time together.
I am excited to get a killer workout in today. I am excited that I haven’t let my .8 gain derail me in the least. I cannot control “the box”. I can only control the effort I put into this journey. So, I am going back to basics and pushing my workouts to a higher level.
A coworker gave me a Vitamuffin top today to try. Wow, I can’t believe how great that was for only one point. I would definitely like to add some of these to my daily diet.
I ended up buying two whole turkeys this weekend when I did my weekly grocery shopping. Kroger’s had them for 49 cent per pound and you got 2 free cases of Pepsi products! Can’t beat that deal! I got one for to make this week and one for later.
At Weight Watchers we did a Thanksgiving Dress Rehearsal. Our leader had a pretty table set with all the serving dishes and then she had little slip of paper in the dish which listed the item, serving size, and points. We then each took our own paper plate and choose the slips of paper for the items that we wanted to eat on Thanksgiving Day. This way, we could plan out how many points we were going to consume. Being Prepared…..just like the boy scouts…..I think I read that somewhere.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
For the last 5 weeks, I have been doing the Wendie Plan. The first 3 weeks I had great losses. 4.8, 2.6 and 2.4 pounds. Last week I maintained and this week I had my first gain of .8. Must be time to change things up again. Starting today I am going to go back to straight weight watchers.
I also have to admit my workouts were not as killer as I normally expect of myself. I worked out, but did a lot more walking than Stair master. While walking is really good and does increase my heart rate, I want sweat to be rolling off me to call it a killer work out. So this week I will return to my normal gym workouts and add walking as more of a recreational activity.
I had a great walk today with my new friend. We spent an hour laughing and talking as we walked around town. Now that is how exercise becomes part of your life. Having fun while doing it.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Unfortunately, Haven broke her leg at a round 10 weeks. The break was very close to the growth plate and the vets at MSU Veterinary School thought that the bone may not grow anymore and she may end up having to have the leg amputated. We are very fortunate that did not end up being the case. The leg did end up being about an inch shorter than the others so she actually walks like she is missing a shoe. It is because of the injury that she was unable to be shown.
She is from beautiful health tested parents and has been very healthy thus far. I am currently working on competitive Rally and Obedience titles with her. We do think she may have some arthritis issues from the break, because she does move slowly when she gets up in the morning.
Haven is wonderful with people of all ages and very loving. She loves to nuzzle you and sit on the couch resting her head in your lap. She has her Canine Good Citizen certificate and can also do the local children's reading program.She is not, however a lover of other dogs. She absolutely hates Ruby and will try to kill her each and every time she sees her. You can imagine this has posed quite a logistics problem for us because all of our dogs are loose in the house. We are very careful that Ruby and Haven are never in the same room together.
Despite her nice pedigree, since temperment problems can be hereditary (not always) I did go ahead and spay her because of her iffy temperament. I just didn't want to risk it being passed on to puppies.
Backstory: China doesn’t have fat people. None! Everyone is a normal weight. (Give them time, there is a KFC or McDonalds on every corner now in Beijing….don’t worry, their obesity rates will catch up to ours in the U.S.) I was warned by one of my Chinese instructors that I should be prepared to be stared at while I was there because of my size. I was offended that she even said that to me, but she was right, I was stared at as much as the African American girl that was with our group. We were stared at and whispered about. Of course they would ask her if she was an African Princess, luckily none asked if I had eaten a child.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
1. I moved my car seat forward. As many fat people know, in order to make room for our stomachs; we have to have the seat waaaayyyyy back which makes it difficult to reach the pedals. Now I don’t have to press the gas pedal with the tips of my toes!
2. More fat clothes gone. I gave them to the daughter of a woman I work with. When I cleaned out my closet again this weekend I found heaps of clothes in my closet that fit wonderfully now. I also laid out a few things I can’t wait to get into soon.
3. I take a lot longer to get ready for work. Some would question, how is this considered a positive? Well, yeah, I either I am going to continue being late for work or I have to start getting up earlier but I find that I care so much more about my appearance, that I take more time spraying my hair and putting on my makeup, and I will switch outfits a couple of times in order to find the one that makes me feel the best. A few months ago, I was getting pretty ugly. I slapped on the makeup in the morning, dried my hair and threw on whatever wasn’t wrinkled and covered all of me. Now, every Sunday night I even do my nails. BTW my fave nail polish is “It’s a Doozie, Suzie” by OPI. It really stays on all week!
4. I can jog a whole city block now. Thirty four pounds ago, I couldn’t jog 3 steps, but slowly I am doing it.
5. I don’t stretch out my shirts anymore before I put them on. I dry everything in the dryer all the way too! My shirts are loose and baggy now. No need to stretch them out anymore.
6. I have renewed friendships with old friends and even met some new special people through weight watchers. It is so nice to have people that you can share your goals and accomplishments with.
7. WARNING: Too much information in this next one. Sex is so much better already! Enough said.
8. I am not tired like I had been. I believe I had sleep apnea at my heaviest. I slept all the time and could never get enough rest. I would sleep at lunch at my desk. I often took a nap when I got home from work in the evening and on the weekends I would take at least three naps per day. Driving to work was really tough. Often I would slap myself to stay awake to get there. Now, I wake up before the alarm goes off and never feel tired while at work or while driving. It is so nice to have energy.
Imagine, all of these NSVs at only 34 pounds gone. I will be doing cartwheels by the time I lose the rest!
So don’t forget to pat yourself on the back for the non scale victories. These are the things that tell us we are headed in the right direction even when “the box” doesn’t confirm it. Write down your NSVs so you can go back and use them as motivation for tough days.
I am a big TV fan. I love TV. No I mean it, I LOVE TV! If I had to make a choice between my TIVO and say…… a new wardrobe of clothes ….….TIVO would win. The trauma during holidays comes from me watching all those damned Christmas episodes on TV of my favorite shows. Think about it…. All of the families we watch on a TV shows are happy during holidays. This, despite what ever problems they may have any other day of the year, at the holidays, all is forgiven, all the wrongs are righted and they all come together and love each other.
Funny, my life isn’t like that at all. My grandma still makes comments about my weight, my brothers wife is sullen and not speaking to anyone, my mom is stressed that she didn’t make everyone’s Christmas perfect, and my husband usually has to work (lucky bastard) and I’m pissed that no one bought gifts for my dogs.
I want that perfect family, with the perfect tree, and the perfect presents with the perfect photo op at the end in with the family gathered around the dinner table as a male elder carves the turkey. I guess you could call me Clark Griswold from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. All he wants is a fun old fashioned Griswold family Christmas. Instead he gets Cousin Eddie and Snots the rottweiler and has to drink a great deal of egg nog in order to forget that Cousin Eddie is emptying his “shitter” in the storm sewer. I try to ignore my family’s defectiveness with seasonal food. They say you are what you eat; if that’s true then at Christmas I am chocolate dipped peanut brittle.
My husband often tells me as I am crying while watching the perfect TV family all hugging each other as the credits roll, “TV isn’t real.” Yes, logically Clark Griswold and I know that, but not emotionally. We want what that Norman Rockwell moment that they have and in my case, maybe if I eat enough I’ll get it or at least be too full and drunk on the nog to notice I don’t. Not this year. I think a better idea for me is to avoid the holiday TV shows altogether. Instead I’ll watch Christmas Vacation over and over again and be glad I don’t have a cousin Eddie.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I love that with the nano you can sort things into play lists. I have my music organized into four play lists so far. General, workout music, holiday and one I’ve named Frank/Dean/Ella.
I only have about 30 songs in the workout play list and I do find I will search for a fave to start out on the Stairmaster. Usually I like to start out with “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne or Bette Midler’s “I’m Beautiful” Something about those songs make me shout the lyrics, wave my arms and make me thrilled I am on the machine changing my life a little every day. Really pumps me up.
I’m sure I will need to pick new anthems to work out to occasionally but until then, you can find me in the gym singing (in between huffs and puffs) at the top of my lungs “You might be my lucky star……….”
I primarily use the ipod on the Stairmaster and while doing floor cardio and lifting weights, I find that if I listen while on the treadmill, I try to walk to the beat of the songs and end up getting shin splints. Does anyone else have this problem? What do you listen to?
Monday, November 12, 2007
When I am sad, disappointed, mad, or confused, I understand that I need to find out why, and figure out either how to fix it or live with it. Food is not the answer. Now, I work through the problem in my head and with a friend or two and move on. No wallowing, no numbing with food. Okay maybe a little wallowing and whining, but no numbing with food.
Today I am enjoying today. I am no longer waiting for my thin tomorrow. I recognize that if I am not happy now, the number on the scale is not going to give me lasting happiness and contentment. I am not going to let my size dictate the amount of pleasure I derive from each day. Sure there are a couple of things that I am going to wait to do until spring when I have lost a little more weight like horseback riding ( I really have a fear of hurting the horse) and canoeing (too cold now anyway). But I am not putting my life on hold anymore. For goodness sakes, I am 35 already. I don’t have time to put things off anymore.
I am a huge fan of Friends. I have all 10 seasons on DVD and catch reruns whenever possible. Friends had good Christmas episodes for sure, but I think the Thanksgiving episodes are where they really shined.
So each November I drag out all 10 seasons out of the spare room. They of course are already conveniently marked as to which disc and which episode is the thanksgiving episode. I play each season’s episode (in order…of course) in the span of a weekend. Pity my poor husband who tolerates Friends, but does not enjoy these marathons. I love to watch the touch football game where the “Gellar Cup” is up for grabs and Joey and Chandler are fighting over the Danish flight attendant, or the one where Joey gets the turkey stuck on his head when he tries to scare Chandler or what about the one that guest stars Brad Pitt when he and Jennifer Aniston were still the perfect couple. All of these episodes are filled with fun and laughter.
Part of my love of Friends Thanksgiving episodes is tied to my very favorite Thanksgiving of all time. I went to New York for Thanksgiving and stayed with a friend and her family that lived in New York. I was at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade in 1999. The parade I watched every year as a kid (‘til my dad turned on the football game) I got to witness first hand. Along with the parade was everything else that was wonderful about New York. Little Italy, where we ate a Puglia’s, standing at the top of the Empire State Building at night and looking down at the lights of the city. New York is amazing, and I guess watching the friends Thanksgiving episodes makes me feel like I still get to visit each year during the holiday.
To make this weight watchers related, be prepared to count your points this Thanksgiving. Don’t give up what you really want for what you want right now…..
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Bright note: Stacey the WW member that approached me last week about her clothes that were too big was at the meeting and gave me the nicest, most enormous bag of clothes. A few items will fit right now, but most of it will fit in another 20 pounds. I can't wait.
This week at WW we talked about preparing for thanksgiving and using herbs and trying new recipes. Good topic, I do find I get in a rut and eat the same stuff. Maybe it is time to branch out and try a few new things.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
So I am in the middle of rationalizing and thinking of excuses to not work out. I know that often missing one day leads to two which leads to“Oh I’ll start again next week and before you know it, it’ll be June and I will be back to square one. I thought I would let you all in on the conversation. Really it’s about as fascinating as a presidential debate, but I’ll share anyway.
“I’ll take one of the dogs for a walk when I get home” No, I am already cold, I am not going to feel like bundling up and walking 3 or 4 miles in the near dark after I get into my nice warm house.
“My joints are a little achy from the new video I did yesterday so I should let my muscles rest.” No, actually getting up and moving will likely make my muscles feel better. I don’t have do a killer workout I just need move a little.
Don’t act like you don’t have these conversations on a daily basis with yourself. We all do. Unfortunately we let the pathetic side of us win, the side that wants to say no to social situations, the side of us that would rather sit home and eat Ben and Jerry’s than find the love of your life, the side that would rather watch reality TV, than let us get pleasure from our own reality adventure waiting for us in real life.
What it comes down to, is deciding what I really want for myself. Do I want to be filled with that self loathing that comes from binging and not exercising, never accomplishing my “I want” list? Or am I worth sucking it up, and getting on the treadmill and feeling better. I am worth it. You can check your watch at 3:30pm EST and know that my ass will be on the treadmill.
Conventional wisdom says that we should put our fork down between bites, or make sure we have a glass of water before we eat, chew every bite 24 times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know all of these things. The problem is that as soon as I sit down with my plate, I immediately go into this trance like state and all external stimuli just fades away until the plate is empty and I feel like I am going to be sick. They also say make sure you sit down to eat, don’t watch TV while you eat. Hello! Eating / TV, not sure that one should happen without the other. I will admit that I eat all my meals sitting on the couch (surrounded by at least 5 begging dogs) watching TV.
Mind you I don’t go over my points. All of my food is carefully measured and portioned out on my plate before leaving the kitchen so this is food I am allowing myself to eat. I just inhale it too fast to comprehend.
I know some of it has to do with being a recovering binger and sneak eater. I remember thinking that as long as I ate something quickly and no one else saw me eat it, I can eat again and they won’t judge me because they don’t know that I already had a candy bar (or three). They think this is my first one. That makes it okay…..doesn’t it? Boy, nothing like having a multi pronged eating disorder.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Well, I still like to have something to eat while driving home from work so that I don’t arrive home malnourished (yeah right…malnourished…….in my lifetime?). I don’t want to use too many points because I still get that panicked feeling from the thought of running out of points at the end of the night, but need something. So I have turned to apples. I am pretty fussy about my apples. I only like a couple of varieties. Top honors go to the Honey Crisp apple. Tied for a close second are the Fuji and Brae burn apples.
Yesterday I did not have an apple to eat and I thought it was going to drive me bonkers! So much so that I took and extra long lunch today and ran to Meijer’s to buy apples for the commute home before I did my lunch time workout. I feel great that some of my new habits are becoming second nature. Running out of apples didn’t give me an excuse to return to the vending machine. Returning to the old eating patterns actually never entered my mind. Yeah me!
What new habits are you thrilled about?
Tucker will be turning 10 years old this month and I truly believe that any other family would have had him euthanized because of his awful temperament. I mean, this dog has a wire loose. He will sit on the couch with you and growl and snarl while he nudges you with his nose to pet him. He continues to growl and snarl while you pet him. It’s like he is confused. He snaps at me when I groom him and nearly bites me when I trim his nails.
Live and learn.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
I hear so many people whine that eating right is hard, or they are too tired to get up early to work out or just too busy to write down what they eat.
Yep, living healthy is hard. We have to wrestle with those inner demons that hijack our carts at the grocery store and then mysteriously stop right in front of the Sara Lee Chocolate Pies, or the voice that tries to convince you to put on your pajamas and have a threesome with Ben and Jerry when you get home from work instead of jumping on the treadmill.
You know what else is hard? Hard is shooting up with insulin everyday before a meal, or having neuropathy in your hands so bad you can’t tell when you’re holding a fork. Hard is having diabetes take control of your eyes and not being able to read a book. Hard, is being so overweight our knees and hips have given up and we are in so much pain we are forced to use one of those amigo carts to get around. Hard is being so overweight and debilitated we qualify for a handicapped sticker because we can’t walk more than five steps without nearly passing out. Hard is having your first heart attack at 39 because you think steak is its own food group and your cholesterol looks like a decent major league batting average.
One year we bought so much, we had to go home, unload the car and go back for more. We were pros. A very important part of our ritual included having a picture taken with the shopping mall Santa with all of our purchases included in the picture.
Once we found Dave Ramsey and decided to pay off our credit cards and get out of debt, it put a crimp in our spending spree Holiday. Last year we still had our picture taken with Santa, but we held signs that reflected our new found principles. “Debt is Normal. Be weird.” I sent the picture in to Dave Ramsey to show him what a difference he was making in our lives.
Fast Forward 10 months. There was an envelope in the mail yesterday with Dave Ramsey letterhead. I figured it was a letter announcing that Dave was going to be doing a live event in the area. Inside was a note from Dave Ramsey himself! I scanned it to include with this post. Just click on the pic to enlarge to read it.
Wow! Dave actually reads his mail and took the time to send us an atta boy! Again, if you don’t know who Dave is and are spending out of control and want to tell you money where to go so that you stop wondering where it went, please visit his website www.daveramsey.com You will not regret it.
Monday, November 5, 2007
In my case I don’t think the way I am treated is the choice of the other person, rather, it is influenced by my behavior and my demeanor. Let me see if I can unpack this….
Now that I have more energy and feel better about myself, I smile more, care more about my appearance, have a bounce in my step and am more talkative. All of these things make people pay more attention to me and treat me differently. I don’t care what you look like, if you walk around like Eyore saying woe is me, my life is awful, nothing will ever get better…..you can bet I will avoid you like the plague (which incidentally is not as deadly as it was in the middle ages).
I know 4 short months ago, I walked down the hall of my office hunched over looking at the ground. I tried to fade into the background so that I wouldn’t be noticed for the slob I felt I was. I avoided group activities like the annual golf outing or the Christmas party. (Of the salary employees, I am the only one with a weight issue.) I didn’t want to be the person that made the golf cart flip on its side. I was always very self conscious about showing my dogs in conformation. I disliked showing my dogs because most of the women who show dogs are cute and thin and wear these adorable suits. I was afraid the judge would be too busy watching my rolls bounce up and down to notice my dog’s nice movement. Conformation Dog shows will be topic of another post some day.
Now, I bound down the hall (often doing my Molly Shannon as Mary Katherine Gallagher “Superstar” impression). People meet my eyes because I am not looking down anymore. They smile at me because I am already smiling at them. They are talking to me because I am starting a conversation with them.
So yeah, people already treat me differently because of my weight loss. But not for the reasons the studies say they do.
They are treating me differently because I am treating myself differently.
I used to be a binger, sneak eater, closet cheater. Yep, I am a charter member of the bingers club. I still fight tendencies to binge eat. Just yesterday, I had a fiber one bar (oats and chocolate….heaven!!!!!) Once I finished it, I wanted another, heck; I wanted to eat the entire box right then. I had the points to cover it, so everything would have been “legal”, but now I understand that binging isn’t what is best for me anymore.
I used to binge on everything. My biggest down falls were meat and sweets. I love meat. I would be happy with just pork chops and cottage cheese for dinner (no veggies….why take up valuable plate real estate with something other than meat?). Quick, cut a little piece off that one before anyone sees. I cook everything on the grill, no one knows how many steaks I grilled, and once I cut them up, no one will ever know that I had one and a half. What the hell does that matter? (That no one knows) It’s my body consuming the fat and calories. It’s my arteries that are filling with so much goo that my blood can’t flow thru them. Sneak eating hurts no one but myself. So who do I think I am fooling? And let’s not forget the guilt and remorse after the binge. Anorexics purge after their binge (not making fun or disrespecting the disease of anorexia, no offense is intended). Fat people just feel guilty and binge some more.
Binge examples: I would buy a Sara Lee Chocolate Cream Pie on Friday on my way home from work and have it gone midday Saturday. The thing is, John would usually never even know there was a chocolate pie! I would have two reasons for the secrecy. One I would have to share (I can’t share my relationship with Sara Lee!) and two, I would have the embarrassment of admitting to him that the entire pie was gone when he wanted another piece the next night.
Another biggie would be when I made No Bake Cookies, my absolute favorite cookie. I would have to make a double batch just so that there were a few left to make it look like I didn’t eat them all. I literally ate them until I was sick and in the bathroom resolving to never make no bakes again.
Oh and how about how I could rationalize binging on brownies and cookies for breakfast? This reationalization especially applied to no bakes cookies. They have oats in them. Can’t they be considered similar to cold oatmeal? Yeah, I would tell myself that brownies and cookies aren’t that different than muffins or donuts. Plenty of people eat muffins and donuts in the morning. Here is the caveat, one, they don’t eat half a dozen in their dark car on their way to work, and two it really isn’t the best way for anyone to start their day.
There is a gas station near my house that carries freshly made donuts from our very best bakery in town. I would always get two, usually the big ones about the size of your head. Of course I didn’t want the guy at the cash register to judge me, a fat girl buying donuts. So when I got to the register I would say “Two donuts in the bag, one for me and one to make my boss happy.” Like the guy at the counter cared who the hell I was buying donuts for!!!
So there. It’s not pretty, but this was a little window into my former binging behaviors. I know some of you reading this are nodding and smiling because you have been there. I can’t say I have the answers, but getting it out into the open certainly feels good. Thanks for listening.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
I am referring to my weekly cooking. At some point during the weekend, I cook off more than enough food for dinners all week. If I skip this, I know that I am setting my self up for opportunistic hunger pangs to sabotage my eating. The following is a list of what I do.
Each week, I cook off a family pack of chicken breasts. Sam’s club’s everyday price is 1.97 for boneless skinless chicken breast and that is usually the best price you find it on sale at any of the local grocery stores. I just spray a frying pan with pan spray, and fry them all. When they are cooked, I transfer them to a Rubbermaid container and stick them in the fridge.
Now, each night when I first get home, I need chocolate. So I also make up a double batch of Jell-O brand cook and serve, fat free, sugar free pudding mixes. (It is chilling as I type) I often grab a ½ cup of that and top it with a couple of Tbs of fat free whipped topping, and sit and enjoy it as I plan my next step for the evening. I am fussy with the brand of my pudding. Jell-O is the only way to go. Even with both of us eating it, it will usually last us thru Friday.
John and I both like pizza. Who doesn’t? I keep the fridge stocked with Flat Out bread to use instead of a regular pizza crust, spaghetti sauce, turkey pepperoni and low fat mozzarella cheese. This makes a great, satisfying pizza for only 9 points.
So these are just a few of the things I do to prepare myself for the coming week. I know that they are instrumental to my weekly success.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
After the meeting, another member approached me and said she had lost a lot of weight too, and wondered if I would like her old clothes. How kind and generous is that? I do not have a budget for new clothes and fortunately have had some clothes in smaller sizes, but eventually I will run out of those too. I can’t wait to go weigh in next week and see what she brings. New clothes and a new friend, gotta love it.
Workouts, as I said earlier were great this week. Instead of my obligatory 5 workouts this week, I got in a 6th workout today with my weekly walk with Deb. Deb and I logged 6 miles today and wait for it…….wait for it……...we even jogged about 6 times for short distances. Dare I say I even sprinted the last couple of yards to the car. Me…..jogging…… and sprinting. I imagine that it won’t be long and Deb and I will be entering our first 5K! We both have the Crim race in Flint in the back of our mind, but I don’t know if I will be ready in a year (the Crim is held in August). It is certainly something to shoot for.
If you would have told me 4 months ago that I would get out of bed early to go to weight watchers (on my day off no less) and then go for a long walk each Saturday, I would have called you “a ball lost in tall weeds”. This accomplishment from the girl who could eat a Sara Lee Chocolate Cream Pie over the course of a day! (binging will be a topic for a later post)
Friday, November 2, 2007
This week I spent some time on half dot com looking at their exercise videos. At home I need DVDs to work out to, but here at work, we only have a VCR, so I need the older versions of videos to bring here. Let me tell you, there are plenty of the older videos out there. I even saw one titled “Winning with Fen/Phen!” (Fen/Phen was a weight loss drug in the 80's that caused countless health problems and deaths)
For home, I just ordered both of the Biggest Loser fitness DVDs and the Carmen Electra aerobic striptease. Yes, a striptease DVD. I can get fit and learn a new skill that will thrill my husband! When I mentioned that DVD, he even said he’d be glad to pay for it out of his own allowance!
Selection is a bit more limited for VHS because they just don’t make them anymore. On the plus side, they are cheap to pick up on eBay or half dot com. I am serious that there is something for everyone out there. I saw gospel videos, plenty of Richard Simmons, Hula videos, Belly dancing videos, kick boxing, pilates, yoga, ballet. There are videos for people in wheelchairs or seniors. I did notice that Angela Lansbury and Dixie Carter both have their own series along with Florence Henderson and Shirley Jones. There were videos by Cindy Crawford, Anna Kornicova, the Playgirl series (I will be happy to buy this if it is a man leading the workout), I even found a Baywatch fitness video and one with OJ Simpson.
What I am getting at is that there is no excuse to be bored with your exercise routine. These videos don’t even require much of an investment. The majority of them are under $3 (many that I ordered today were only 75 cents!) and about $2 for S&H. So what if you get it and you hate it….you are only out $5 and you can pass it along to a friend that may love it.
So get out there and get shopping! Try something new and see what new skills you can pick up.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
--Benjamin E Mays
I have been guilty of this in the past and actually guilty of it up until this post. People who know I am getting healthy will ask me how much I want to lose and I have avoided giving an answer. I usually just answer “a lot more”. No one wants to fail and no one wants to fail when people know the goal we are working towards.
Well, instead of worrying about saving face if we flop, we need to be able to stand up and state, loudly and proudly what our goal is. Making a commitment to a long term goal can be overwhelming. My long term goal.......drum roll please.....is to lose another 100 pounds. Whew, that seems pretty daunting even though I have already lost nearly 32 pounds. Think about it, 130 pounds is equivalent to an average woman! I want to lose an entire woman! There is something profound about needing to lose an entire woman in order to find the fabulous woman inside me.
I used to tell myself that as long as I got into “onederland” (anything under 200) I would be satisfied. The more I work at getting healthy I know that will not satisfy me. One, I want to be a weight watchers leader. In order to become a leader, you have to reach the weight watchers goal set for you. I was amazed when I found out that you can’t even be an assistant if you are not at goal. Two, I also know that it will be difficult to be a runner at a heavier weight and I really want to be a runner.
So even if you’re not ready to tell someone what your goal is, at the very least say your goal out loud to yourself. No more wishy washy, “Oh I really want to lose some weight.” That is a great (vague) goal, but you also need to have a road map of how you are going to get there and an address of your final destination. Up until today that has been my goal, but I never anounced my end point. “I want to lose weight.” I have had a road map. My map told me that I was going to attend weight watchers, follow the plan, drink my water, stay within my points, and exercise at least 5 days per week. Now I know where I am going to end up as well. Along with that find someone you can tell and be sure that person will check in with you to ask about your progress.
So my challenge to all of you is to set your goal. Say it out loud, write it on a piece of paper, and put it in your shoe so every time you take a step, you think about your goal. Tell someone you trust, and create the map that is going to get you to your goal.
I did notice that he was not journaling and I saw him using the peanut butter the other day and noticed that he did not use a measuring spoon, rather, he just used a regular eating teaspoon to scoop out the peanut butter he was putting on his toast. I cautioned him that if he isn’t measuring, he is lying to himself.
He poo pooed me that he knew what he was doing and to stay out of his business. Typical man. Well, as usual, I was able to prove my point when I went to use the peanut butter myself. A jar of peanut butter contains 32 Tablespoons which equals 96 teaspoons. The jar was mostly gone when I got into it 7 days after it was opened. For once I can say confidently that the dogs were not counter surfing and ate some of it. No chew marks on the lid. I would say that he was eating more than he thought. He was amazed when I told him how many servings were in the jar and how many were gone. So he swears he is going to actually use measuring cups and spoons and be better about journaling.
Measuring is necessary. Don't risk lying to yourself by eyeballing that serving.
The thing is, he can’t do this because I nag him, he has to do it because he wants it. He has to want to be healthy, want to be more mobile. You can’t win this battle doing it for someone else, you have to be hungry for it.