Friday, February 29, 2008

Journal for Thursday Feb 28th

WW yogurt 1 pt
English muffin 1 pt
PB2 and Sf jelly 1 pt
Fiber one bar 2 pts
orange 1 pt
salad 6 pts
orange 1 pt
Egg whites 2 pts
bread 2 pt
1 slice FF cheese 1 pt
1 cup FF milk 2 pts
Curve bar 1 pt
Fibe one bar 2 pts
3 cups Movie theater popcorn 6 pts???????

Total points 29 points
I am totally guessing on the movie theater popcorn....the WW week one book listed it at 3 points for 3 cups but I didn't know if they were talking about the movie theater popcorn that you can buy that is microwavable..... So to be safe, I doubled the points.

Activity: 35 minutes of hills on the treadmill and an hour and a half laughing my ASS off at the new Will Ferrell movie Semi Pro.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Skiing Alone

Yesterday was cold (17 degrees) but sunny so I decided to go skiing. This is the first time I’ve gone out by myself. I really did enjoy myself. I didn’t go out for long, just 40 minutes, but it was so enjoyable. No sound in the woods but the swish of my skis.

This park is filled with very tame deer and I’ve seen them before while skiing and yesterday was no exception. I didn’t see them until I was on top of them. I got a few good pictures of them. I also found where they bed down. Makes me want to take them a bag of corn and a blanket tonight when I go back. But I digress…..

Last night really highlights a fundamental change in my life. Normally by the time I make my commute home, I am ready for an evening on the couch watching episodes of Friends that I have already seen six times. It only takes me thirty seconds to change from my work clothes into pajamas.

Instead, I thought of nothing but the peaceful skiing in store for me as I drove home. I changed very quickly into my outdoorsy clothes, grabbed my ski boots and was off. (My skis and poles are always in my car) So my automatic response when I got home was to go do something, and that something was not sitting and watching TV. I did activity just for the sake of doing the activity for enjoyment. Not that I was going to get an “extra” workout in and burn more calories, or that a friend was waiting for me. I did it because I like to do it. Amazing.

I am really happy with this turn of events. I think it reinforces that I am changing my life, not just trying to lose weight. This isn’t about restricting what I eat; it’s about enjoying my life.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Journal for Wednesday Feb 27th

WW yogurt 1 pt
English muffin 1 pt
PB2 and SF jelly 1 pt
banana 2 pts
orange 1 pt
Salad 6 pts
3 pcs melba toast 1 pt
1 laughing cow light cheese wedge 1 pt
Fiber One bar 2 pts
apple 1 pt
4 oz chicken 4 pts
1 cup garlic cauliflower 0
1/2 cup long grain rice 2 pts
1/2 cup cottage cheese 1.5 pts
no pudge brownie 2 pts
1/2 cup breyers ice cream 1 pt

Total points 27.5

Activity: 25 minutes of hills on the treadmill (3.5 mph 5%-10% incline) 20 minutes weight lifting. Got in a quick ski after work 40 minutes.

Journal for Tuesday Feb 26th

WW yogurt 1pt
English Muffin 1 pt
PB2 and SF jelly 1 pt
Banana 2 pts
4 oz chicken 4 pts
bacos 1 pt
FF dressing 1 pt
Fiber one bar 2 pts
orange 1 pt
Trail mix 3 pts
5 oz Chicken 5 pts
1/2 cup cottage cheese 1.5 pts
no pudge brownie 2 pts
1 cup breyers ice cream 2 pts
Skinny cow sandwich 2 pts
Total points 29.5

Activity: 41 minutes of hills (5% -10% incline)on the treadmill at 3.5 mph

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The most Annoying Thing at the Gym

I don’t have to complain about someone hogging the equipment or monopolizing the TV. I have the luxury of working out by myself in our corporate gym. We all spread our workout times out so that we don’t have to be in there at the same time.

Believe me I do realize this is a huge benefit to my job. I don’t have to worry about burping or farting while on the Stairmaster (oh you know you all have to fart while exercising.....don't pretend your something your not), I can sing along to my ipod as loud as I want, and I have control of the TV. So the only person that can annoy me is well…

I don’t know if it’s just me, or others find themselves doing this as well. My stomach hits the handlebars of the treadmill. Is this because I carry all my weight in the front, or just because I have this subconscious fear of falling off? I find I walk as close to those damn handlebars as possible. Sometimes I will catch myself and make myself walk farther back on the belt, but before you know it, I am right up there riding the handlebars again. What gives?

Journal for Monday Feb 25th

yogurt 1 pt
English muffin 1 pt
1 TB PB2 .5 pts
SF jelly .5 pt
Large salad with
4 oz chicken with FF dressing and bacos 6pts
Fiber one bar 2 pts
Popcorn 1 pt
Banana 2 pts
Fiber one bar 2 pts
3 oz chicken 3 pts
Subway 5 pts
1/2 serving baked lays 1 pt
no pudge 3 pts
ice cream 1 pt

Total points 29

Activity: Took the day off.

Journal for Sunday Feb 23rd

2 English Muffins 2 pts
6 egg whites 2 pts
4 slices Canadian bacon 1 pt
1 cup FF milk 2 pts
Orange 1 pt
yogurt 1 pt
2 cups chili 4 pts
4 servings crackers 4 pts
4 oz chicken 4 pts
1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese 1.5 pts
WW ice cream bar 2 pts
banana 2 pts
1 cup sugar free pudding 3 pts
Total points 29.5

Activity: Went Cross country skiing for a little over an hour. Trails were a bit icey, but nice and fast.

I'm thinking about it, are you?

I don’t think I will ever stop thinking about food. Before I was on weight watchers, I was thinking about my next binge or where the next fast food drive through was.

I still think about food as much as a teenage boy thinks about sex. It’s the last thing on my mind when I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning. Granted I am not planning a binge, but I am still planning my eating for the day.

Some say that isn’t healthy and that weight watchers keep us too focused on food. Food Obsessed. I think they are trying to change that by adding the core menu. They want us to be able to read our body’s signals to stop eating when we are satisfied. I would love to do core, but I don’t trust myself to listen to my body. I need points to tell me when I am done.

Hopefully I will be able to someday live on core but until then I will keep counting my points and being obsessed with what I eat. I realize I’m still obsessed with food, but better to be obsessed with healthy food than the alternative.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Are we there alredy?

I’ve had a difficult time finding topics to write about lately. After a while it just seems like I’m saying the same stuff over an over again. I am not going to stop writing the blog, but the entries may be a little less exciting and may not come everyday. I hate to bore everyone with just day to day activities. I mean how many times do you want to hear that one of the dogs puked on the rug?

Have I exercised all my demons already? Absolutely Not. I do think I’ve made great progress mentally by doing this blog. When I am upset about something, I blog about it, instead of binging about it. I worked through my feelings of betrayal from this summer, and worked through a lot of my negative self image and negative talk.

I still have momentary flashes of binging (and was still binging in my opinion on the Vitamuffins) but I’ve been much more able to control them. When I would normally reach for a 2nd Fiber One bar, I tell myself I can have another one, after I eat a piece of fruit or yogurt. If after eating them, I still want another treat, go ahead. If I’m not hungry enough to eat those, then I don’t need the fiber one bar either. Am I always able to control my behavior with those thoughts? Not yet, but every time I make a right choice, it pushes those wrong choices farther in the past.

A friend forwarded me an excellent article about binging and its psychological roots and I am putting the link here: Sorry, I still don’t know how to do any html embedding. It’s on my “to do” list, I promise. It is a long article but well worth the read.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Journal for Sat Feb 22nd

Fiber One bar 2 pts
chicken breast 4 pts
salad dressing 1 pt
bacos 1 pt
FF cheese 1pt
lettuce 0 pts
tomato 0 pts
Skinny cow fudge bar 1 pt
1 cup chili 2 pt
crackers 2pts
FF sour cream 1 pt
Homemade pizza
2 flat out bread 2 pts
3/4 cupFF cheese 3 pts
8 slices canadian bacon 2 pts
tomato sauce 0
no pudge brownie 2
1/2 cup ice cream 1 pts
Fiber one bar 2 pts
Total points 27

Activity: Power walked for 40 minutes

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Weigh in Report for Sat Feb 23rd

Hey Hey Hey!!!!! Down 2.2 pounds this week. Total gone is 52.8. I am just so glad to have a good sized loss again. What a nice feeling.
I think posting my food journal for everyone to see helped me in a couple of different ways.
One, I made some better choices knowing that there would be eyes on my journal. A couple of times when I had one point left, I chose a yogurt when I normally would have grabbed another skinny cow fudge bar. I also eliminated Vitamuffins completely this week and limited my Fiber one bars to one serving.

Two, you guys pointed out things that I was counting inaccurately. Also, I got a few really good suggestions about spending my points on less proccessed stuff. These are all things I am going to incorporate this week.
So thanks so much those of you that took the time to give me new ideas. I really appreciate it.

Journal for Friday Feb 21st

WW yogurt 1 pt
Eng Muffin 1 pt
1 TB Peanut Butter 2.5 pts
SF Jelly 0
Pretzels 1 pts
1 TB Peanut Butter 2.5 pts
Lean Cuisine 4 pts
1 1/2 cup broccoli spears 1 pt
2 cups chili 4 pts
4 servings of crackers 4 pts
FF Sour Cream 1 pt
Banana 1 pt
Orange 1 pt
No Pudge brownie 2 pts
1/2 c breyers ice cream 1pt

Total points 29

Activity: Stacey and I cross country skiied after work for over an hour. OH, my thighs!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Journal for Thursday Feb 21st

WW Yogurt 1 pt
Eng muff 1 pt
SF jelly 0
PB2 1 pt
3 melba crackers 1 pt
1 laughing cow cheese 1 pt
Lean Cuisine 4 pts
1 1/2 cups asparagus 1 pt
Fiber one Bar 2 pts
Orange 1 pt
Banana 1 pt
2 cups homemade chili 4 pts
4 servings crackers 4 pts
2 TB FF sour cream 1 pt
No pudge brownie 2 pts
1/2 cup breyers no sugar added ice cream 1 pt
Skinny cow fudge bar 1 pt

Total points: 28

Activity: 40 minutes doing hills on the treadmill. HR between 142 and 154

Thursday, February 21, 2008


Dedicate: to devote wholly and earnestly, as to some person or purpose

It takes a lot of dedication to not give it up, phone it in, or throw in the towel, so to speak. So to everyone that's stuck with their weigh loss efforts thru the ups and downs on the scale give yourself a big pat on the back. It would have been very easy to just sit on the couch with our pint of Ben and Jerry’s and watch reruns of Friends, but instead we are making good choices and getting in our activity.

I left for work this morning at about 5:30am. As I drove the temperature on the local bank said it was -7 degrees. Moments after I saw that temp, I met a jogger. A JOGGER……… running outside when it was -7 degrees. I think it was a man, who knows, they were so bundled up. Which gets me to the point of my post; Dedication. That person, we’ll call him “Mr. Fool” for short, is dedicated. Obviously the weather conditions (road blocks) mean nothing to this person. Mornings to Mr. Fool, are for running no matter what. I cannot ever imagine being that dedicated to running that I will risk my extremities to frostbite just to get in my run. The dedication this person has is amazing.

Do I have that kind of dedication to my weight loss and exercise? Am I really so wholly and earnestly devoted that I wouldn't let a stumbling block make me quit? I’d like to think so. I guess only time will tell. I’ve been at this for 8 months now and have been at a standstill as far as the scale goes for 8 weeks. I certainly would’ve thrown in the towel before now if I were my former weaker self. Instead, I turn to you for help and ideas and just keep plugging along.
Here's to dedication.

Journal for Wednesday Feb 19th

English muffin 1 pt
PB2 1 pt
SF jelly 0
WW yogurt 1 pt
orange 1 pt
Lean Cuisine 6 pt
1 1/2 cups asparagus 1 pt
Fiber One bar 2 pts
100 cal popcorn 1 pt
4 small pretzel sticks 1 pt
PB2 1 pt
salad (bacos, FF cheese, FF dressing) 3pts
Low fat Cottage cheese 1/2 cup 1.5 pts
6 oz chicken breast 6 pts
No pudge brownie 2 pts
Breyers no sugar added ice cream 1/2 cup 1 pt
Curve bar 1 pt
small banana
Total Points 31.5

Flex points used 1.5 Total used for week 4.5

Activity: 40 minutes of hills on the treadmill HR between 140 and 155. Plus 30 minutes brisk walk with mom and Stacey after work.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Journal for Tuesday Feb 19th

Starbucks coffee (1/2 SF 1/2 regular mocha) 3 pts
Yogurt (WW) 1 pt
Lean Cuisine 4 pts
3 cups asian Veggies 3 pts
popcorn 1 pt
apple 1 pt
Fiber One Bar 2 pt
6 egg whites 2 pts
bread 2 pts
Mayo 1 pt
1 slice FF cheese 1 pt
Skinny cow Fudge bar 1 pt
Salad (bacos, FF cheese, FF dressing) 3 pts
No pudge brownie 2 pts
1/2 cup no sugar added Breyers 1pt
something else I can't remember 2 pts

Total points 30

Activity: This cold is kicking my ass. I was actually asleep and in bed by 8pm so I got no activity in.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Feedback and Comments

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for all your helpful comments on my food journal. I have already had 4 things pointed out to me as potential problems.

One - Chicken Breast. I thought a 4 1/2 oz chicken breast was 3 points is if the extra 1.5 oz is the bone that you don't eat! I should be counting a point an ounce and I was counting 3 points for 4 ounces. When I have two servings of chicken breast like last night that means I should be counting 2 more points than I have been. (That kind of a mathematical error can certainly make a difference)

Two - Veggies. I have been eating as many as I want without counting them and someone pointed out that a serving is 1 cup for 0 points and if I am consuming more maybe I should count them. For example. I eat steam a bag of veggies to eat every day along with a Lean Cuisine. Today's bag had three 1 cup servings in it.

Three - Cottage Cheese. I am a big cottage cheese eater. I thought that 1 cup of Low Fat cottage cheese was only 2 points (not sure where I got that) when actually it was 3 points!

Four - Too much Chocolate. - Yeah this is my downfall. I am used to eating sweets at every turn. I know I have made progress ( I've not had any vitamuffins this week) but have a long way to go.

Okay, so none of these epiphanies were in my favor, but I just want to start losing again. I am going to make the changes needed.

Thanks again to all who offered their insight into my food and activity journal.


Once again, our company is having growing pains and once again, that means that I am being shoved out of my office into yet a crappier one. I realize that this is a business decision, but it feels like a demotion and a slap in the face. They were already in here measuring to put down tile this morning.

The office I am currently in was a conference room so that tells you how big it was and they have decided to put two people in it and move me to a smaller noisier office. I don't take to change well and this really puts me on edge in a bad way. Two years ago I was shoved out of my office as my job duties changed and put in a group of offices that are right on the press room floor. Very noisy and a lot of vibration. I had a really hard time with that move but did eventually settle in, this move feels just as bad if not worse.

No, I will not turn to food. I am just sad and angry over not having control over my space. I spend more time here than at home, and it is important to feel like I have a say in how and where I spend my time. I always said I am like a male dog, I mark my territory and don't like things messed with. I would piss on the corners of my desk if I thought it would help!

Journal for Monday, Feb 18th

Eng muffin 1pt
PB2 1 pts
SF jelly 0 pts
Lean Cuisine 7 pts
1 1/2 cups asparagus 1 pts
Orange 1pt
Apple 1 pt
Fiber One Bar 2 pts
3 Melba crackers 1 pt
1 wedge Laughing cow cheese 1pt
8 oz chicken breast 6 pts
1 cup LF cottage cheese 2 pts
Salad (FF cheese, bacos, FF dressing) 3 pts
No pudge Brownie 2 pts
Breyers FF no sugar added ice cream 1 pt

Total points 30

Activity: 40 minutes doing interval hills on the Treadmill. HR was between 140 and 150 the entire time.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Journal for Sunday Feb 17th

2 low fat Eggo Waffles 2 pts
1TB SF syrup 0 pts
1 cup FF milk 2 pts
Skinny cow Fudge bar 1 pt
5 oz boneless pork loin 5 pts
1/2 cup cottage cheese 1 pts
Fiber One Bar 2 pts
Baked Salmon 9 pts
1/2 cup mashed pot 2 pts
1 cup winter squash 1 pt
SF pudding 1 pt
no pudge brownie 2 pts
1/2 SF bryers ice cream 1 pt
skinny cow fudge bar 1 pt

Total points used: 30

Activity: No structured activity today. Beginnings of a cold. Spent the day grooming dogs and catching up on my TIVO

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Journal for Saturday Feb 16th

Swiss Melt bagel 6 pts
Sugar Free small mocha 2 pts
Orange 1 pt
Roasted Pork Loin (5 oz) 5 pts
1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese 1 pt
12 slices Turkey Bacon 9 pts
Bread 3 pts
mayo 1 pt
tomato 0
skinny cow fudge bar 1 pt
Fiber One Bar 2 pts
1 cup Sugar Free Pudding 2 pts
Total points 33

I used 3 flex points today

Activity: Just putzed around the house doing laundry and hanging curtain rods. No activity points earned.

Weigh in Report for Feb 16th

I sure wish I had better news to pass along. But I don't. I was up .8 pounds again this week. ACKKKKKK! I really don't know what is going on. I am starting to feel that there must be something I'm missing. Maybe I am at fault. Is there something I am doing wrong? This has to be the longest plateau on record modern history.

Here is where you come in. I need all of you to help me. (As if I haven't bared enough of my soul to the world wide web, I am going to bare some more. No, no nude photos!) Starting now, I am going post my food journal and daily activity. Please take the time to check it out and give me some feedback if you think I am missing something or counting something wrong. I will be happy to admit missing something if it means I start losing weight again.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Back to Normal

Life is getting back to normal in many ways finally. Last night, with the help of my mom, I got all my bedroom furniture moved back into the bedroom. After just under two weeks John and I were able to have a nice restful sleep in our bedroom. The room turned out great. I took pics and will post them later. Now I am just waiting for the bill.

The dogs, well, not so thrilled with all the changes. One, they really enjoyed having a king size bed in the dining room. They thought it was a giant dog bed there just for them. Two, we replaced the nasty carpet in the bedroom with a wood look laminate and it is darn slippery! Poor Haven tried to jump up on the bed last night and only her front paws made it. She just hung there like she was afraid to let go and drop off a cliff. So I gave her a boost up on the bed. Morgan was making a three foot leap from the carpet in the living room onto the bed. I have got to start training her for agility! I have since put down some scatter rugs so they’ll have to learn to launch off them. My only lingering worry is when the bill comes for the repairs. I should be hearing on that tonight.

I am much better mentally as well. I just feel better. I feel clearer, calmer, and content. (Of course I say this day before weigh in) I had great workouts this week and ate well within my points. I did allow about 4 extra points on running days.
Maybe it is getting my house back in order or maybe I have finally gotten my head games under control again.

This weekend I will be going through my clothes again as I put everything back away into my dressers. So I’m sure many more fat clothes will be boxed up for this springs garage sale.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Measurable Results

I am a person that thrives on measurable results. I never liked attribute qualities such as I feel better; I look better. How much better? A little better, a lot better? How much is a little or a lot?

I want feedback that is concrete. I always prefer information that is measurable and quantifiable. That is why the scale not moving has been so difficult for me to ignore. The scale is the measurable that I see every week at weigh in. I do have the actual measurements of my body, which is pretty tangible, so is my new clothing size. But since it takes a while to lose a size or an inch, I needed something else to measure. I really like to have constant feedback that I am improving.

So I turned my need for measurements to my quest to become a runner. I made up an Excel spreadsheet with columns for my mile splits, conditions of the run, and total time. I am going to do 5K I need to be able to compare myself with my former self to be sure that I am beating her ass! Gotta say, this week I really have thrashed the old Brenda’s times. Saturday at the Sweetheart of a run I finished at 48:26. Monday I finished in 47:01 and today I finished in 45:55. My one mile and two mile splits were improved as well. (I think I used the term split right….I’ve only gotten one issue of Runner’s World so far to learn all the new lingo)

So maybe this will keep me occupied until the scale starts moving regularly again. I can only hope……

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Designer Dogs

You’ve all heard of them, the labradoodle, the pekeapoo, the goldendoodle or the daisy dog. (I really could go on for days all the mixes I’ve heard of.) They are the newest craze in pet ownership. The designer dog. Sit down, grab a cup of coffee, cause I have something to say about all of this.

First and Foremost, I believe that every dog, once on this earth deserves to be loved beyond its wildest dreams. I do not believe in banishing breeding like PETA does. (PETA will get a special post all their own one day). I also believe that if you bring it into the world, you are responsible for that dog for its entire life. If the home you placed the dog in, doesn’t work out, you need to give them back their money and take your dog back.

What I do not believe in is breeding dogs like they are livestock in order for you to make your mortgage payment. I don’t care if you are breeding prize winning poodles or Mutt’s and mixed breeds. Yep, I said mutt’s and mixed breeds. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you got something special just because it has a cute special name and you paid a fortune for it. A bidet is still a toilet people! I love mutts and mixed breeds. My Buddy is a mixed breed. I love him just as much as all of my other dogs.

The people that are breeding these Designer dogs are doing it to make cash. They will tell a puppy buyer anything to make the sale and very seldom will you find a breeder that will take a puppy back.

Here are some of the common myths:

Hybrid Vigor – A poodle mix dog is healthier than a pure poodle. FALSE.
Hybrid vigor is hog wash especially in the case of the doodles. You take a breed like the Standard poodle that is known for hip dysplasia and now you’ve gone a bred her with a Golden Retriever or a Lab that is also known for hip dysplasia. You have just doubled up on those bad genes. To top it off, at least the purebred breeder will have screened for hip dysplasia and other hereditary diseases, the backyard breeders aren’t going to take the time to do this because health testing will cut into their profit margin.

Secondly, If I were the breeder of good quality healthy line of standard poodles, I would never, ever sell one to be used to make mixed breeds. Often, purebred breeders have spent their entire adult lives trying to improve their line of dogs; they certainly aren’t going to sell a puppy to be used as livestock and be bred willy nilly with anything to make a buck. I can guarantee that the quality Lab and Golden breeders are of the same mind set. So since they can’t get a good lab and poodle to start their new money making adventure, they go and buy cheap animals from the Walmart parking lot. (All the while taking note the amount of possible sales traffic they’ll have to come back and set up camp to sell their puppies). This means that instead of starting out with the best specimens of the breed they have started quite possibly with the worst. Just to make a buck

They don’t shed – FALSE, FALSE AND more FALSE.
First, everything sheds, even a poodle. No, they don’t shed like a golden or a lab, but I still have hair in my cottage cheese as a condiment just like anyone else. While I will admit I have not groomed one of these mixes, I have had them in my obedience classes and I will tell you that these dogs shed worse than a golden and to top it off the hair is curlier and matts terribly! I can’t tell you how many people that have these dogs are pissed that they didn’t get the nonshedding version their backyard breeder promised them. As far as their coats go, I have also never seen two of these dogs with the same coat. No consistency.

They look more like a “man’s dog” or Poodles look too foofy – FALSE
Give me a break, if you are that insecure in your man hood, and think the way your dog looks reflects on you then you need to get some serious help. Sure, when they are in the conformation ring they are in the weird haircut that is all exaggerated. Since I don’t show anymore, my dogs are kept in retriever cuts. Their entire body is the same short length and there is no poof on the tail or legs. Remember this was a water retrieving breed, they have a beautiful physique.

Purebred dogs are crazy or hyper – FALSE
My dogs are not crazy or hyper. Sure they go nutty when someone knocks on the door, breeding in dogs isn’t like marrying your cousin and then having kids. No one should breed a dog with poor temperament even if it was the most winning dog in history. Period. Temperament is genetic in that if the parents have a poor temperament, they are going to pass that on to the puppies.

I think the thing that really rocks my world about people buying the designer dogs is that people are paying such outrageous amounts of money for them. I call these people PT Barnum people. (You know, a sucker born every minute or more money than brains) In Michigan you can get a quality standard poodle puppy from health tested parents for around $800. These people are paying $1500 for a designer dog that is a mutt that they could go to the shelter and adopt for $50!

For more information why these dogs are not all their cracked up to be, please visit these sites:
And Versatility in Poodles at and for information on health clearances visit

The Vitamuffin Addiction Continues.......

I had to run to into town to get light bulbs last night before I went home so I conveniently went to the store that carries my Vitamuffins. There was only one box on the shelf….makes me wonder if my top secret source has been compromised.

Anyway, got into the car and they started talking to me. You know, in that Barry White voice, telling me how chocolaty and good they were and that I should have one or two or four on my way home from work. Problem is, they are in the frozen foods section of the grocery store so they were frozen solid. I am nothing if not resourceful when it comes to chocolate so I resorted to sticking a vitamuffin in each side of my bra! Yes, I put frozen foods inside my undergarments in order to thaw them. Just call me MacGyver! They were ready to eat within 10 minutes.

Okay, I’m not proud to relate that story to you, but wanted everyone to know that my Vitamuffin addiction is still going strong. I am not going to sweat it too much as I know there are worse things I could be doing. I do realize the need to work on this behavior.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Dog Stories Part VII

Leia is the most recent dog we acquired. She was more by accident than anything else, but we are so thankful to have her in our home.

One year ago today, a friend of mine died very suddenly after a brief illness. Todd was famous in our breed of dogs. His kennel name was “Ravendune” and he along with his partner produced over 120 champions in toy, miniature and standard poodles. Todd was quite a character and very influential in our breed. Since Todd’s passing was so sudden, and he had numerous dogs in his kennel, all of the poodle people were needed to pitch in to take care of the dogs and find good homes for them. I ended up with a lovely miniature “Quiana” that I placed with a lovely widow in northern Michigan. She has since been renamed “Princess”.

I also took in a standard “Camelot Princess Leia”. Leia was born December of 2001. Leia had a rough start to life as she was part of another kennel in Florida prior to being purchased by Todd. She was largely unsocialized and lived her entire seven years in a kennel. She bonded to me immediately. I carefully screened homes for her and settled on a nice couple in the Grand Rapids area. I met them half way and cried all the way home the day I placed her.. I knew they would love her dearly. I told Leia the day I let them come to meet her that if she didn’t like them, to go ahead and bite them so I knew she didn’t want to go with them. She didn’t bite them, so I figured she was fine with it.

A month later they called out of the blue and said “this isn’t working out”. I said okay I’ll meet you in a couple of hours to get her. They said she was soiling in the house regularly. Mind you I had no housebreaking issues with her before I placed her nor after. The only conclusion I could come to was that she was used to being surrounded by dogs. At my house, even when John and I were away, the other dogs were there to keep her company. At their house, when they left her she was totally alone and I think she had separation anxiety.
So Leia “bounced” back to us in June of last year and John and I just decided that since she was happy with us that we would keep her.

She is totally devoted to me and minds very well. Her only quirk is that she is a “spinner”. A spinner is a dog that spins non stop in a circle usually due to living in a kennel and only having that space to move around in. It is her coping mechanism. She spins when I mix up breakfast in the morning, and she’ll spin when she is stressed. Haven thinks it is so much fun that she has taken up spinning at breakfast too.

Update on the Girls at Work

Well, I have to say, the girls at work have far surpassed what I thought they would do.

In two weeks, Jessica has lost 8 pounds, Tracey has lost 3.5 pounds, and Tammi lost 6 pounds the first week and has been out sick so she hasn’t weighed in yet this week.

They all have little notepads on their desks for their food journals and have increased their activity. I am really impressed that they are sticking with it.

It’s really cute, both Jessica and Tracey love the smart one desserts so they split a box each day for their afternoon snack.

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Want List Updated

I thought it was time to update The Want List just to show myself how far I've come.

Green indicates that I feel I have accomplished the item, Purple indicates that I am on my way, but it can’t be crossed off yet and Red items are new I Want list items.

I want to feel better (alive) and not tired all the time.

I want to go to a restaurant and not wonder if I am going to fit in the booth.

I want to be a runner. (Technically a runner can run a 9 minute mile, I am much slower than that)

I want to sit in any lawn chair, not having to eye its sturdiness before I sit down.

I want to go horseback riding and not worry about hurting the horse. (even though it is too cold to go horseback riding, I would feel comfortable doing it now)

I want to put my shirts on without stretching them out first.

I want my arms to hang at my sides not straight out because of under arm fat. (Getting closer)

I want to go canoeing without worrying about hitting the bottom of the river. (Considering it was -4 degrees here this am, not going to check the progress on this item.)

I want 10,000 daily steps to be automatic.

I want to fly on an airplane and not worry that they are going to make me purchase 2 seats. (Not sure on this one).

I want to see my collar bone. (I think I saw a little bit of one while lifting weights last week).

I want to run agility with my dogs. (I certainly could run the course, but my dogs need trained)

I want my breast to stick out farther than my gut.

I want to not be afraid to go to the doctor.

I want to lower my blood pressure/cholesterol/blood sugar.

I want to run the Crim Festival of Races in Flint in August.

I want to run a 5K in under 30 minutes.

I want to push mow my lawn this summer.

I want to weigh less than 200 pounds.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Part III The Friend

I am warning you....this seems to ramble on, so my here are my best wishes for understanding what is coming out of my fingers tonight.

So, there I was, sitting in the WW meeting feeling so totally sorry for poor Brenda and her lack of progress (so the lobster says) and my friend turns to lambaste me with all of her wisdom. (Actually, I probably needed slapped like the nun in that 70’s movie Airplane). She made me look at my weigh in record and really see what had happened the last few weeks. Okay, so this doesn’t look as bad as I am imagining. In 3 weeks I’ve lost 3 pounds. Still though, overall since the week of Christmas, I’ve only lost a total of 2 pounds. It is amazing how even though we’ve only been friends for a few months, how much she can push my buttons. I really look up to her and am so awed with how she has changed her life. Then she gets out her own books with all of its losses, maintains, and slight gains. She asked me….”Would you berate me for not making more progress or having great losses every week?” Of course I wouldn’t.

This brings us to the million dollar question. Why would I treat her better than I treat myself? Why do I hold myself to an impossible standard that I wouldn’t expect of someone else? Why don’t I love and respect myself enough to cut myself some slack? I know I am following plan. I know I am training hard. I know I’ve gone from a size 26 to a size 16. (Just bought a couple more pair of 16s that fit great!! That must mean that the first pair I bought wasn’t the result of a disgruntled worker in Taiwan or a figment of my imagination.)

I called another friend later in the afternoon and she knew exactly what I was talking about. This holding everyone else to a different standard than ourselves. When a friend has a gain or even maintains it's not like we think to ourselves "Huh, she didn't lose anything this week, she must be hittin the chips hard...." yet we really think we need to beat ourselves up for not being successful each week? Or is it more that we worry other people are judging us by the scale? I hate the idea that when my coworkers ask on Monday how weigh in was, I have to admit that I am only down .2 again. It's this need to be able to show measureable progress. This just doesn't make sense. Is this a woman thing or just a human nature thing?

The cold hard fact remains. Even if I were never to lose another pound, (god forbid!!!) Every single minute of my day is better by leaps and bounds than the life I was living seven months ago. I was miserable, I was depressed, and I was too heavy to do anything other than the minimum to get through my day. I was 35 going on 70. Today I did a 5K! Hello,……a 5K! I actually feel like I am living my life each day instead of sitting on the couch watching other people have exciting lives on TV. So would I throw away everything I have worked for just because the scale isn’t baking me up? Absolutely not. I will not go back to that existence. This is me snapping out of it.

Part II Weigh in Report for Feb 9th

So as soon as the race was over, I sped across town to get the last Saturday Weight Watchers meeting. I took off my under armor layers and went back out to the scale to be weighed. I was feeling good. Looked awful from just being outside in the mist, but knew I had that healthy glow.

Then, I got the results. Down .2 pounds again for a total loss of 51.4 pounds. What the Fuck??????? Talk about taking the wind out of your sales. (I am thinking the scales at WW bears a striking resemblance to a Lobster!) I have to admit that I actually sat in my WW meeting with tears running down my cheeks. I was just so deflated.

How can this be? I’ve been so committed to doing this, why won’t my body commit back? I am eating within my points, and working out and being active and this is the repayment I get? .2 pounds?!? I am so frustrated I can’t even begin to express to you how I feel about this

A Drama in Three Parts

Part I The First 5K of 2008

Today was the “Sweetheart of a Run” 5K. The temp was much better than the 5K we did in December. Today was about 28 degrees with only a slight wind. There were not nearly as many people that ran this race, I would estimate there were 25 people at most and only one guy with shorts on. I would estimate I jogged about 1/3 of the race this time. I improved my pace and time. My finish time was 48:26. I’d like to say I would have run faster and longer if my thighs didn’t still hurt from being lost in the woods skiing on Thursday. My other excuse was that it was damn slippery. I have got to buy some of those yak tracks for the bottoms of my shoes.
So yeah, I was DFL (Dead Fucking Last) but at least the people running the 10K didn’t lap me! See there is always a bright side. Really, I am proud of myself. I could have not shown up this morning, I could have quit, I could cut corners during the race. But I didn’t. I did this for me

Friday, February 8, 2008

The Skiing Adventure

Stacey and I decided to take advantage of the 14 inches of snow we got and went cross country skiing right after work yesterday. It was stunningly beautiful. It was nearly 30 degrees, so we didn’t really have to bundle up. About 30 minutes in, Stacey stopped in her tracks and I could see that three deer were leisurely walking across our path. They wandered across, stopped and watched us for a while, and then crossed again the other way. They were so close. Certainly the closest I’ve ever been to a deer other than the times I have hit them with my car.
We weren’t the only people out there enjoying the snow laden trees and the rippling river that runs through the park; we met up with at least 8 other people. We took a longer trail that we had not used before. It had a lot more hills, which considering this was only our 3rd time out, were fun and exciting to navigate without falling. We certainly did our share of falling. The longer we skied, the more fatigued I got and I know I ended up falling at least three if not four times. So we skied, and skied, not really paying much attention to anything but nature.

Then we realized that we were lost. Really lost. Then we realized that it was getting dark. Really dark. We were on a trail, but we had no idea if that particular trail actually would lead us back to the car. Fortunately, Stacey had her cell and it got a little bit of reception in the woods, and so we called people that knew the woods to help us find our way out. They would ask, “Do you see a group of tall pine trees?” “Uh…..Yeah, all the trees are tall”…..or they’d ask “Where are you on the trail?” “Uh, we are in the woods, we don’t know where we are at, that’s why we are calling you.” Eventually another skier came up to us and we asked him if he knew the way out? He replied, “I was hoping you two knew the way out.” So we became three lost skiers. (In the back of my mind I was really hoping this guy was not a serial killer) A while later (mind you it is getting dark enough that we can only make out basic shapes of the trees) another skier came up and asked if the three of us knew the way out because he was lost too. So now we are four lost skiers. At this point, I’m imagining who will play me in the Lifetime Movie that will be made of this…….

We stayed on the trail and one of the people Stacey called told us of a landmark to watch for and which way to turn at the fork and it did lead us back to the parking lot.
In the end, we were out more than two hours and got out of the woods shortly after 7pm.

Here are the lessons learned. One – we do not go without having a map of the trails. Two – we are going to watch the time closer and double back long before it even thinks about getting dark. Three – I am going to carry a survival pack so that if this happens again, I don’t have to think about cannibalizing Stacey to survive.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

What is it about an enormous snow storm to makes you want to hole up inside? In all, we got about 14 inches of snow last night at my house. Let me tell you, that is a lot of snow. John and I were going to go to the movies to see Cloverfield, but decided to stay home and eat chili instead.

I didn’t even let the dogs stay out very long yesterday. After a few minutes they turned into snow men. They were having a blast running and jumping with each other, but, considering our bed is currently in the dinning room because of construction, I did not want seven dogs jumping on my bed with all that snow on them. I promised them today I will let them all out to romp for over an hour. Of course that means they will all need blown dry when they get in. But their little toothy grins make the grooming worth it.

Good news though, I did get an early workout in because I had to get the snow blower out and snow blow the driveway before I could go to work. John had to work today too, so I was the good wife and cleaned his car off too. It took 45 minutes to snow blow, and clean off our cars, and I worked up a good sweat doing it. Today I am just going to do an easy walk in the afternoon with Stacey and call it good.

I would say I am still in a bit of a funk. I haven’t felt like writing in the blog much. I’m not going over my points, but I can just tell I’m a little off this week. Workouts have been so-so. We have had so much bad weather lately and that has made my commute terrible. I can’t tell you the last time I was able to drive over 45. I love the pretty snow and want to get back out and cross country ski, but I would really like a normal drive to work.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

What a difference a day makes!

I thought this pic was appropriate since it is "Super Tuesday". In case you can't read the caption it says: "Protect All Dogs......Spay/Neuter & Debark all politicians."

Gotta say, yesterday was tough day. I was just completely out of sorts. I felt dumpy and lethargic. I stayed within my points, so that was a good thing. I did not however, make good choices with my points. Yep, I did end up finding a reason to go to buy Vitamuffins and I ended up eating four of them. Good news is that today is much better and I feel much closer to normal.

BTW A Big Thanks to Heather who left a comment yesterday to drink water ‘til my eyeballs floated!

I think it is important to figure out why yesterday was so tough, so that I can do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Here is what I figured out. I learned my mind as well as my body needs to exercise to feel what is now “normal” for me.

First and most importantly, I had not exercised since Thursday of last week. I normally take Fridays off from working out, and Saturday I had to get the carpet and pad torn up in my bedroom in preparation for the remodeling. Sunday was more of the same and that is when my mood started to go downhill. Yesterday I didn’t take a lunch because I had to leave work early to be home when they delivered the dumpster for the construction. I firmly think lack of exercise contributed to my declining mood.

Second, my house is tore up due to some construction/remodeling going on and we are sleeping in the dinning room and all our bedroom furniture is in the living room. Definitely makes you feel out of sorts when you can’t find your underwear! Of course along with that is the concern of staying in budget and not having to dip into my emergency fund to pay for everything.

So I learned that I need to stick with what feels good (exercise), even if I am experiencing upheaval in other areas of my life. I just need to stay centered on me and my "Want List".

Monday, February 4, 2008

Queer As Folk on LOGO

Since the writer’s strike is still going strong and our normal fave shows are still on vacation. Now is the perfect time to catch something new from the beginning. Admit it, many of the new reality shows are lacking in quality.….I caught myself watching the Miss America Reality Checked last night. Never fear, I have a suggestion for your viewing pleasure.

I don’t know how many of you get the LOGO channel (CBS’s GLBTG station) but tonight they will start airing “Queer as Folk” from the beginning. It is going to be on Monday –Friday at 11pm.

Mind you this is really the PG 13 version of show. It originally aired for five seasons on Showtime in its unedited glory. They have bleeped out the bad language and deleted all the sex scenes. It is still worth every minute of watching.

If you aren’t normally interested in gay subject matter, please don’t let that keep you from tuning in. Queer is one of my all time favorite shows. It is set in Pittsburg and follows the lives and relationships of a group of friends that are Gay/Lesbian and/or HIV positive. The show can be very intense and yet light hearted as well. The characters and their story lines are so well written. You won’t be sorry you’ve given this drama a chance.

Grazing like a herd of Cattle

That is me on the far left, too busy eating to look up a the camera.......

Yesterday, I was home alone so thankfully did not have to watch the Superbowl or have a bunch of my husband’s screaming friends here eating pizza and other junk food. I grazed all day though. I only went 3 points over my daily total, but this feeling is spilling over into today.

I’m not hungry, but I want to eat non stop. It’s only 9am and I’ve already had my yogurt, English muffin, 6 Melba crackers (2pts) with 2 pts of laughing cow cheese.
I can tell you what I really want……I want to find a reason to drive to the local grocery that carries the Chocolate Vitamuffins. I found a box of them at my house in the freezer this weekend and they were gone quicker than dog treats at my house. I think they must have an additive in them to make you feign for them at all hours of the day. So do I go and buy them since that is what I really want and they are only 1 pt each , or realize that I can’t control myself and not allow myself to have them and actually work out the food demon inside me.

Weigh in Report or Feb 2nd

I was down .2 lbs today. I guess I haven’t broken hold of that plateau like I thought I had last week.

I know, I know, down is better than up. I slipped a little this week and ate more healthy junk with my points than I had allowed the week before.

I didn’t go over points, but didn’t give my body the “good stuff” it deserves. Back to the beginning again this week and only allow 6 points out of my 30 for junk.

Friday, February 1, 2008


Quick! Call the etiquette police. I have a confession: I workout every day in the middle of the day on my lunch hour and I don’t shower after! I heard you gasp!

Yep, when I am done training, (BTW doesn’t “training” sound so much more important and relevant than working out?) I blow dry the sweat off my neck and hair, touch up the hair and makeup, apply some extra deodorant and get dressed. I only take a one hour lunch and I train the entire hour. It would take way to long to shower and then have to redo my hair and such.

I know many people say that would rather die than sweat and then go back to work (Pam G comes to mind). I for one don’t mind. One, I have a large private office so it’s not like I have a cube mate that has to smell me and two, I don’t see customers or have many visitors. Honestly I look quite normal and don’t think you could tell I had worked out once the redness is gone from my face.

The way I look at it is that I’d rather be sweaty and smelly than stay fat the way I was. I love the convenience of being able to get my work out in the middle of the day. I think I would talk myself out of exercising if I saved it until the after work, and I already get up at 5am to get to work, I am certainly not going to start getting up at 4! That’s just crazy talk.

I mean, what would you do, work out less so you had time to shower, come in early or leave late in order to workout and shower after? Or am I not alone that a little sweat is not that big of a deal. Or do you think I am a repulsive smelly loser with bad hygiene?

Oh and since I am in the middle of confessing deep dark secrets, here is another confession. I wear my gym clothes for weeks on end until I can’t stand the smell of them.

Hey that sweaty smell is my badge of honor baby!