I worked out Friday night with a couple of friends at a local indoor track and I was really upset about my inability to run. Those girls ran laps around the track while I just walked. I just couldn’t run that night. I couldn’t keep up with them and it stunk big time. I was really disappointed in myself.
I think part of it was that I don’t really feel ready to run in front of people, least of all a person that actually has run marathons. Kim is very encouraging, and I know she would never judge me, but I just feel really inadequate not being able to keep up.
It’s easy as humans to compare ourselves with everyone else. She is more motivated than I am, she is in a smaller size than I am, and she lost more than I did this week…… None of these comparisons do anything healthy for our minds. (Unless of course you are the unpleasant type that get off on beating other people just for the fun of saying you beat them. I think I used to know someone like that…… They would say I don’t care where I place in the class, I just want to beat that person and their dog.)
What I have to realize is that I am in this marathon with no one but myself. This is all about me and no one else. I am thrilled for others that are working hard and attaining their goals, my goals will be accomplished too, in my own time. I also had to remind myself that these girls weigh about 100 pounds less than I do and so of course it will be easier for them to move their bodies that way.
It’s weird, some days, I wake up and know I can run, other days, my body tells me immediately that running is not an option for today’s activity. The old me wouldn’t even be trying to run or setting lofty race goals or making plans to even run a race, but I am, I know I will get there, I just have a ways to go. I have to stop comparing myself to others. I am in this race with myself - no one else.