Monday, November 12, 2007

Why will this time be different? Part I

Yep, I’ve done all of this before. Back in ’98 I lost 75 pounds doing weight watchers. I even had a cosmetic surgery to fix some of the sagging afterward. But I gained it all back and then some. I’ve been asking myself what makes me think this time will be any different.

I think the main difference is how I am living my life and my perception of what my life will be like at my goal weight. I believe I am speaking for many overweight people that there is this illusion that our lives will be perfect once we loose weight. Like the number of the scale is miraculously in charge of all of our unhealthy relationships, promotions, demotions, income, and overall happiness. Ten years ago, I really believed that was the only thing stopping my life from being perfect. So, I lost the weight, looked and felt great, and then something bad happened. I was bumped from my job that I absolutely loved and was forced into another department; my husband still had moments of being an absolute jerk; and I still had too many bills and not enough money.
Wait……hold the phone….. what…..huh.......bad things aren’t supposed to happen to me now. I’m thin……I look good…..isn’t that enough to ward off all bad things for the rest of my life? Guess not. I had not prepared for this possibility so I turned back to what was safe. Food and TV: and lots of both of them.

When I am sad, disappointed, mad, or confused, I understand that I need to find out why, and figure out either how to fix it or live with it. Food is not the answer. Now, I work through the problem in my head and with a friend or two and move on. No wallowing, no numbing with food. Okay maybe a little wallowing and whining, but no numbing with food.

Today I am enjoying today. I am no longer waiting for my thin tomorrow. I recognize that if I am not happy now, the number on the scale is not going to give me lasting happiness and contentment. I am not going to let my size dictate the amount of pleasure I derive from each day. Sure there are a couple of things that I am going to wait to do until spring when I have lost a little more weight like horseback riding ( I really have a fear of hurting the horse) and canoeing (too cold now anyway). But I am not putting my life on hold anymore. For goodness sakes, I am 35 already. I don’t have time to put things off anymore.

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