Throwing out the Fat Clothes

Has it really been a year?

2009-11-12T20:10:00.002-05:00

Man, this really sucks. It has been almost a year since I fell off the wagon. Still paying for my WW monthly pass, but haven't weighed in since sometime this September and my attendance was really spotty even before then.

I am guessing I've gained back about 20 pounds. Exercise....what's that? Haven't lifted a weight or walked a mile in a month.

I'd like to say I am ready to be refocused and start again, but I just can't get over that bridge from gluttony back to health and wellness. Believe me I give myself a pep talk every day. "What do you really want out of life Brenda", I ask myself. "Health and feeling in control of my life", I answer. Then it's like I have ADD (no offense intended to anyone with the affliction) and get sidetracked by snickers bars in the office or the hubby suggesting pizza for dinner.

I actually wouldn't even be sitting here typing had it not been for a comment that I got in my email today on the last post I put out there over a year ago. Caroline, you know how to reach me, I would love to support each other. If you ever want to walk after work or something, please let me know.

So each day I give the pep talk and hope that it will be the day that I start turning the tide and unleash myself from the current that has me floating down the river.

WTF?????

2008-11-23T19:33:00.002-05:00

First I want to say that I am not freaking out about this.
Yesterday I was up FOUR POUNDS at weigh in. I swear I checked behind me to see if the girl behind me had stuck her foot on the scale(no such luck)as a prank.

I have no idea if I am retaining something or what but I know that four pounds doesn't belong to me or is because of anything I have done wrong.
I had a great week. I used about 25 of my flex points but was under my points on other days of the week.

So, this sucks to have such a bounce up, but I don't blame myself.

Great Week

2008-11-22T07:25:00.002-05:00

Last week I was down 1.8 pounds. I am in such a great place. Haven't been doing much exercising. Every night this week I had something to do and just haven't made time. I won't walk dogs outside right now because of deer season.
Today mom and I are doing a day of shopping after I weigh in.

Tea please

2008-11-13T20:17:00.002-05:00

I am a new convert to drinking hot tea. It's been suggested numerous times by friends, but only recently did I buy my first box of Organic pomengrate white tea. I am such a fan. Each time I think of grabbing something to snack on at home or at work, I am making a cup of tea instead. I find it takes that snacky edge off.

I hate the water cooler at work (I just don't like the taste) so I had reverted to drinking way too much diet coke every day. This way I don't have to drink plain water. (Is it weird that it makes me feel grown up drinking it too?)

Eating has been great this week and I've made it to yoga a couple of times after work too. In Michigan after the time change, it is dark here at 5:30 pm so it's difficult to make myself do anything after work except snuggle with a poodle on the couch.

Paid Holidays

2008-11-12T19:00:00.002-05:00

Now that I work for the County, I have more paid Holiday's than you can shake a stick at. Yesterday (Veteran's Day) was one of them. It was so nice to wake up and not have to go to work although I do feel guilty I didn't do anything to honor Veteran's.

I am having another great week. I've made it to yoga twice so far this week, and eating (with the exception of lunch with my stylist yesterday) has been right according to plan.

Weigh in Report for Saturday

2008-11-12T07:38:00.002-05:00

Down 2 more pounds today. That puts me back at 72 pounds lost. Still a bit to go until I get all the gain off, but making progress.
I feel so clear headed. I don't have that manic eating feeling I had.

Election Results

2008-11-06T20:30:00.002-05:00

Whew! Made it through that one by the skin of our teeth. My boss received 52.83% of the vote and her opponent got 46.91% of the vote. It was a very tight race all night. What an exciting night. The room was filled with local media, journalism students, and the candidates. The polls closed at 7pm and the precincts began bringing in their results about 10. At 1:30 am we were still waiting for 3 of our precincts to report however she had spoken to the clerks and they had told her that she won those precincts. At that point I had been working since 7am that morning and boss sent me home.

At about 11:30 when the news organizations were calling Obama the President Elect, I snuck off into another little room and did a happy dance. I know he isn't perfect, but I think Obama deserves a chance and our help to make the changes he talked about on the campaign trail.

D-Day

2008-11-04T07:09:00.002-05:00

Well, today is election day. It will be a long one. I'm told we will be here until 2 or 3 am and then have to be back to work a normal day at 8am on Wednesday! It should ebe very exciting tonight being on the "ground floor" of all of this. I do hope that you research all of the candidates and proposals and get out there and vote!

Chicago was unbelievably fun. My friend got her wedding dress and she looks stunning in it. I was amazed at how clean Chicago is and am already planning my return trip for December. It only took a little over 5 hours to drive.
I didn't have any problems with eating. We were so busy and walked so much, I'm sure I worked off the two slices of Chicago Deep Dish pizza I ate (which was delish BTW!).

Weigh in Report for Thursday October 30th

2008-10-30T20:03:00.004-04:00

I was down 2.8 pounds today! Boy that felt good.

This weekend I am going to Chicago and wanted to make sure that I weighed in and hit a meeting before leaving town so I went to the 5:30 meeting tonight. It is a different leader than my Saturday morning leader but I enjoy this leader as well.
I hated weighing in so late in the day, but it was my only option. I didn't think I would see much of a loss because I just figure that we weigh more at the end of the day than at the beginning so I was pleasantly surprised to see such a big number after being back on track for only 5 days!

I have really been on track too. I am feeling strong and clear headed. I've been getting my lunch time walks in (despite is being a blustery 36 degrees the other day)and have loved kicking my feet through the leaves and enjoying the pretty colors. My eating has been stellar. I am weighing and measuring everything.

I am really glad I weighed in tonight as I think this will give me a nice mental boost to stay on track this weekend. I know I won't be perfect, but it helps that the long time friend I am visiting was my Weight Watchers leader waaaaayyyyy back in 1998/9. She is such a thoughtful friend and has offered to stock anything in the house that will help me stick to my plan.

I am so looking forward to seeing her and seeing a bit of Chicago.

Day four still on track

2008-10-28T20:53:00.003-04:00

Today was day four back in control. It went great again. I am at 26 of my 28 daily points. I didn't get a walk in at lunch, but I did stay and do yoga tonight after work.
The stress level is cranking up in the office, but I continued to resist the candy dish.
Today after work I stopped to the grocery store and got a few things to take with me on my trip this weekend. I plan to take some yogurt, fresh fruit, pretzels and will pack some fresh veggies to snack on in the car.
I feel so in control again. I love it.

Here's to day 5.

Only Eight More Days

2008-10-27T20:11:00.000-04:00

Well only 8 more days until the election. I’ve managed my third day totally back on track. I used all of my daily points today and feel very satisfied. I feel clear headed and calm. I did manage a brisk 15 minute walk today at lunch and stayed after work for the yoga class. I’m still lacking on the water drinking, but the fruit and vegetable consumption is WAY up.

I did spend a bit of time reading old blog posts and that is helping as well.

This Friday I am heading to Chicago to see one of my dearest friends. I’ve only been to Chicago once before and that was on a Mary Kay (yes the makeup) bus trip. It will be nice to see Chicago thru the eyes of someone who lives there. I am especially looking forward to visiting the three story Macy’s store.
I am a bit disappointed to miss weigh in on Saturday, but I will try to hit another meeting this week before I leave town.

Two Whole Days

2008-10-26T21:21:00.000-04:00

I’ve been two days (Sat and Sun) within my points and not binging on anything. I’d say it’s a start. Today I had to make some tough choices to stay on track. I went to visit a friend and his wife and of course that leads to lunch out. Why does everything have to involve food? We went to Red Robin. Their menu looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. I chose the dinner salad with fat free ranch on the side. It was pretty much just lettuce and tomato. I also had the French Onion soup. This can be a dicey choice with all the cheese they load onto it. But I actually had the balls to peel the cheese off and discard it. So essentially, I had beef broth with onions. I counted 4 points for it. I did have about 5 of my friends French fries so I counted 2 points for those.
More important than making good choices at lunch is that after I left their house, I did NOT stop at the Crispy Cream donut shop for a half dozen glazed donuts and a chocolate milk. That would have been a 20 point mistake. I thought about stopping and getting one donut but knew that would just start a cycle once I got home so skipped it altogether. Maybe someday I will be normal and be able to enjoy just one of something.

Hello....Rock Bottom? I'm back but not Staying

2008-10-25T17:59:00.000-04:00

I’ve been away for a while….too long. I have fallen so far off the wagon, I can’t even see it in the distance pulling away. Today I was up 4 pounds! My weight is creeping up. I’ll gain a couple, then lose one, overall this is going in the wrong direction. I have gained a total of 6 pounds from my lowest weight. It is time to get things back under control. I think not blogging has made it easier to ignore what has been happening the last couple of weeks.

So what has happened to me? I’m not entirely sure, but I have a few ideas/excuses. None of them are valid enough to allow myself to go back to the way I was over a year ago. I cannot let myself continue to spiral back to that weight.
I like my new job and am settling in fine. The emotional stress of the upcoming election has us all coming unglued right now. Here is a somewhat short version of what is happening. My boss is an elected official and a Republican. She has been the County Clerk for 8 years and has worked in the clerk’s office for a total of 31 years. She is a very nice boss and very capable at her job. For the first time in years the Republicans have competition on the local level with Democratic opponents.

I live in a major college town and the Democratic Party did a great job of getting the young people registered to vote. Our county is up over 12 percent for registered voters since the last election. I think that it is the responsibility of every person to exercise their right to vote. People in other countries would kill to have our right to vote. But I digress…. As the Dems got the kids to register, they also “coached” them on how to vote. The vast majority of these kids are not local students but rather from all over the state. The people registering them knowing that the registering student would want to vote for Obama, told them not to worry about learning about the various candidates, rather they should just mark “straight party ticket” and make it easy on themselves. I just don’t think that was the right thing to do. We should be encouraging people to learn about the candidates and offices and make informed choices, not just elect someone because of their party affiliation.

All of that being said, sure I would like my boss to be reelected, but I will happily work for Andrew if he is elected. I just want to keep my job. I found out that as an elected official, he can change the entire staff when he takes office if he so chooses and I could be out of a job. I am really hoping that doesn’t happen, but you can imagine the stress I feel when I think about how powerless I am in this situation.

So not only have I started eating from the candy dish at work when no one is looking, I also found a bag of Halloween candy in John’s car that he was trying to keep away from me and polished that off too. I have been manic about my eating. I couldn’t shovel the candy in my mouth fast enough; I didn’t taste any of it as I ripped the packages open and then had a belly ache afterwards.

So I don’t really have answers on how to fix this but I do have some things I am working on. One, I am going to the beginning of the blog and rereading every post I’ve written in the hopes I will find the fire I have lost. Two, I am only worrying about the day in front of me and each day make a promise for just that day to stay in my points and not binge. I sound like an addict, and I guess I am. Food had so much of a hold on my life.

I have a bell!

2008-10-13T19:17:00.002-04:00

The owner of the Club Liberty was selling off some of her non-regulation kettlebells so I bought one. I ordered one online over 5 weeks ago and it is still on back order and I was tired of waiting. I figure if the one I ordered shows up, I'll have a pair.

So tonight I did my first loner kettle bell workout. John was outside playing with the dogs (I didn't want any of the dogs getting a concusion while I was swinging my bell.

I did a 25 minute workout and now I am dripping with sweat and my muscles are twitching. I loved it. Of course its not the same as being with all my kettle bell girls, but I really missed the feeling of sweat rolling down the sides of my face and the endorphins that kick in almost immediately. I think the lack of this hard sweat is what has made me feel so blah. Maybe I really need that post workout high to keep my eating more in line.

Kettle Bell Torture and Weigh in Report

2008-10-04T19:54:00.003-04:00

Down .8 pounds today. I'm really getting things under control again.
I didn't stay for the meeting today, instead I made the all too familiar commute to go to Kettlebell and see a few of the friends I have missed since I started my new job.
Holly Shit! The only exercise I've been doing the past month is walking with mom every day for 30 minutes. I have not done a "real" workout since I left my old job a month ago. I was winded, had to sit down at one point becuase I was close to passing out, and went to the bathroom to throw up (false alarm). Talk about out of shape!
I ordered a kettle bell for home but it is on back order. So I have got to make a point to get over to kettle bell more often to do real workouts.

Stickin' around

2008-09-24T20:58:00.000-04:00

My lack of posts does not mean I have fallen off the wagon. On the contrary, everything is really falling into place. This week I have even started to get some exercise. Nothing too strenuous, but three days in a row I have gotten in a 30 minute walk on my lunch hour. My eating has been good. I haven’t been doing the diet doc program. I have just been sticking to the WW points. Getting back on track was my priority and when I would think of following Diet Doc, I would feel much too restricted and I thought it was better to just get my intake under control and then morph back into the Diet Doc program later.

I find that my mood has improved and the time that I was spending on the road commuting to work, I am now spending training dogs and actually cleaning my house. The dogs all love getting their individual time with me working on their programs. Ruby is working on her 2nd obedience title which is called the “Open” or “CDX” title. Cruise and Morgan haven’t done any obedience so they are training for their “Novice” or “CD” title. It’s nice for all of us to have purpose again. In later posts I’ll bore you with all our training foibles.

Dog Treats

2008-09-17T21:02:00.001-04:00

Seashore asked for my dog treat recipe so I thought I would share it with all of you. First the disclaimer: I am neither a vet nor a dog nutritionist. I would not feed my dogs these treats instead of their daily ration of kibble. These are simply a tasty treat that my dogs enjoy. Your dog may have allergies and/or not like these treats. Use your own judgment.

Mind you, I don’t measure anything I just eyeball it. I use the same base mixture and then just change out the “yummy” ingredient for variety. Here are a few of the different things I have used as the “yummy” ingredient. 1 can of mackerel or salmon, 1 ½ cups pureed boiled liver, 1 ½ cups browned ground meat (I’ve used venison, ground beef and ground turkey). I’ve pressure cooked freezer burnt steaks and roasts to add too. Your only limit is your imagination and your dog’s taste buds.

3 cups Flour (I use Whole Wheat and Graham flour)
1 cup corn meal
½ cup powdered milk
3 eggs
¼ cup flax meal
“yummy ingredient”
1/2 cup beef or chicken broth

I mix all this together in a large bowl to a thick cookie dough consistency. I often have to add more of the flour to get it right. I roll the mixture out on a cookie sheet lined with foil. Before I bake them I use my pizza cutter to cut them into bite sized training bits.

I bake the mixture in an oven at 300 degrees for about an hour. The result is a soft chewy treat. If you wanted to make crunchy treats I would suggest almost doubling the baking time although I have never done this.

These treats have no preservatives so they will mold in a couple of days. I keep them in the freezer until I am ready to use them.

I'm back Baby!

2008-09-13T11:02:00.003-04:00

Down 2.2 pounds today. Only need to lose another 1.4 to get back down to my lowest. I am very pleased. I really didn't get back on track until Tuesday of this week. I feel like I am back in control of my emotional eating.

This week went much better for me. I think I am finally hitting my stride at the new job (I've stopped being so homesick for my old job) and understanding how the new boss likes things. Fortunately, she is very clear about how she likes her office to run. Once, I understand the rules and what to do, I will feel much more comfortable.

Today it is dreary and raining so I am baking dog treats all day. Ruby and I are going to start training tomorrow for her next obedience title so I need some good reinforcement treats for her. I like to make all my own dog treats. I do it because it is cheaper and this way I know what ingredients are in them.

On Track

2008-09-10T21:02:00.003-04:00

Saturday at WW my leader asked us these questions. I think having them knocking around in the back of my mind has helped this week.

Why did you first come to WW?
Why is losing weight so important to you?
What benefits can you gain by losing weight?
How does investing in your health save money?

Two days in a row back on track. I haven't exercised in forever, but I have had two days in a row back on eating plan. Which is a start in the right direction. I feel like the light bulb is turning back on again.
Each day is getting better and I'm feeling more comfortable in the new job. Today I had a lot more work to do and the busier the better for me.

I'm here

2008-09-08T19:46:00.002-04:00

I’m here. Sorry for lack of posts. I’ll catch you all up. First things first. Weigh in report for this past Saturday. I was up 3.6 lbs. I just wasn’t able to undo all the damage I had done the week before. This week is going better. I didn’t say perfect, but better.

The new job is coming along. I’m a bit distraught daily wondering if I did the right thing making the change. It is just so much more restrictive than I ever thought it would be. Now we are not allowed to use the computers or internet for personal use EVEN on our lunch hours or breaks. None, Nada, Never. What the f^ck is up with that? So, now I only have a few minutes in the morning before I leave for work and in the evening to catch up on email, and all things internet related. It is hard to be on the computer when you have seven dogs around you wanting attention and they usually win over the computer.

Today the boss says she is going to have a staff meeting tomorrow morning to talk about dress code. Evidently, the dress code is not set by the county; rather it is set by each department head. So while the office next to ours wears colored jeans and polo shirts with the county logo on them, my boss feels that is too casual (I agree on the colored jeans) and she wants us to dress more professional. I’m anxious to hear what she has to say tomorrow.It just all feels so controlling to me. I swear I catch myself on the verge of tears a few times a day. (Okay, more than a few….)

Tonight my mom reminded me that when I took my last job I did the same thing for more than a month. Crying, questioning if I had done the right thing, wanting to go back to what was easy and familiar. It really helped me when she told me that tonight. I don’t remember hating my last job when I went. My friend said it’s like childbirth; you forget the rough parts during the birth and just remember how it ends.

On a good note, I do think my boss is nice, and I like the other three girls in the office. Once I have a firmer grip on how to do my job, I think it will be varied and interesting enough to keep me awake each day.

So, I’m hanging on, my eating isn’t perfect, but I am praying to at least stay the same on Saturday, and that is all I can muster right now.

Internet withdrawl

2008-09-03T20:28:00.002-04:00

OMG! It is so tough not being able to check in on all my favorite blogs each day at work. I'm actually having to use my free time at home to write this! Oh the insanity of being expected to be productive at work!
I have been successful at resisting the stupid candy bowl. I even brought in a bag of apples and put them beside it. Eating has been good, although not on time. This is a much busier job than the old one and there just isn't the time to eat at my desk (which is a really good thing). I am also moving more. At my old job I would sit in my little cave and not move all day. This job has me zipping all over the office. Tomorrow I'm going to wear my pedometer just so I can see just how much walking I'm doing.
Tomorrow is the farmers market so I am going to plan a walk down there at lunch.

First Day

2008-09-02T21:18:00.002-04:00

Well today was my first day on the new job. My new boss Joyce, brought me three beautiful roses which I thought was amazingly thoughtful. Unfortunately, she also brought two dozen donuts with her! I guess they put out the food bait and send a mass email out to all employees that there is a newbie in the building. I met a lot of new people today, very few of whom I will remember names of for a while. Everyone seems so friendly.
My mom sent me flowers as well along with a gift card for Biggby’s. We went for the first of many lunches at the local café. She couldn’t stop grinning. It was also nice that I bumped into old coworkers and friends there too. It feels nice to be home.

There are landmines in the new office. Just behind my desk, right next to the cold water, is an enormous dish with candy in it. I’m not talking the cheap stuff that nobody wants like Werthers originals, or tootsie rolls…….. I’m talking Snickers and Three Musketeers fun size bars! AAAAAKKKKKKK! I will be bringing in a big dish of fruit to counter act all that nasty sugar. My eating was right on track. I wasn't able to space out my feedings exactly, but I packed all my food and my totals for the day are right in line with where I am supposed to be. Whew, another clean day.

I think the most difficult part of this job is going to be my lack of autonomy and freedom. I am used to goofing off when I feel like it, taking lunch when I feel like it and being on the internet all day. Not going to happen here. My morning break is scheduled at 10am (which is good, I can get a feeding in) and lunch is from 12:30 to 1:30. My computer monitor faces the boss’ office so no more blogging from work. I asked if I could check my email at the tail end of my lunch and she said I could but to not make a habit of it as if the public comes to the window and I am sitting at my desk not helping them, they don’t know I’m on my lunch and may feel that I am misusing tax payer dollars. She also hates the distraction of music (another girl in the office told me that). That I can live without.

Tonight I had to work late as my main job is to be at the Board of Commission meetings and those are held in the evenings. You would think that would be seriously boring but it really wasn’t. It was so interesting to see these commissioners seriously look at ways to save the county money. I learned more about my county government than I ever knew existed to know! Of course one of the commissioners is an old friend so he gave me a great welcome and praised my new boss on her great choice in the new staff which I thought was so sweet of him.

So first day went really well. I’m so glad to get up late and stay up late at night (look at me.... up past 9pm tonight!). I’m sure I’ll get used to the lack of freedom and also finagle a way to get more computer freedom (like rearranging my desk so the boss can’t see my monitor).

I did get a really nice note from the owner of my former company which brought tears to my eyes. Despite having a great first day I really missed my old coworkers (yep tearing up right now.... Tracey).

Crossing it off the List

2008-08-31T21:51:00.002-04:00

Today I am able to cross another “want” off my list. My step dad took me both kayaking and canoeing while we were up to the lake for their labor day BBQ. We had a blast! He showed me how to get in without tipping over and I could have stayed out there for hours. Next week we are planning to kayak down the river which he said is very different than kayaking on the lake.

I know I’ve come a long way from a year ago. But I need to keep in mind that I have a long way to go. Now is not the time to be taking a week off because I am sad. I want to be strong and fit. I can’t slow down now. I have been working on my new “Want list”. I’ll post it when I get it finished.

Hello, Rock Bottom? I'd like to leave now.

2008-08-31T21:49:00.001-04:00

Whew. I think I am finally out of this funk. My eating was good today. I didn’t stick with my 3 hour feedings, but ate the right foods in small amounts. Actually I slept until 1pm and then we went to a BBQ at the lake. So really, I ate a total of two meals.

It is amazing what a cycle I started last week. I would over eat, and then feel sick to my stomach and lethargic to where I didn’t want to do anything other than sit and watch TV then I would eat more while I watched TV. Then the guilt kicked in. I would eat, then feel bad about eating, so I would eat some more. Such a cycle. But today I think I’ve finally drug myself out of it.

I can feel that I gained weight this week. I know I should have went to weigh in on Saturday so that I really knew the damage (temporary of course) I did. It’s probably going to take me two weeks to get the (likely) five pounds back off. My stomach is flabbier and my shorts were snug today. I did this to myself just because I was sad about leaving my job? I have really got to find a better way to deal with my feelings. This was ridiculous. One day would have been understandable, but I gave myself a pass for the week. How did overeating help me? It didn’t. Now I have to convince those plumped up fat cells to give it up again.

Tough Week

2008-08-29T13:58:00.002-04:00

Well as far as eating this week. I threw in the towel. I don't even plan on going to weigh in tomorrow. I am such an emotional eater and saying good bye to people all this week and packing up my office is taking a tole on me. It's 2pm my last day here and almost everything is packed up and ready to go to the car. I collected a ton of hugs and well wishes from all the people on the floor of the shop and today we ordered in pizza and after we ate a couple of the girls and I played a Grey's Anatomy board game. We always rehashed Grey's on Friday morning (well they did, it was on after my bed time so I would have to talk them into telling me the details before I was able to watch it on my TIVO).
I know that this taking this new job is the right thing for me, but it doesn't make leaving the people I've grown to love any easier. Man, these are amazing people. So much laughter and memories. I do feel like I was part of a big family.
I did already tell them I was crashing the Christmas Party this year.

Horsin' Around

2008-08-25T19:29:00.003-04:00

Well, I’ve managed to cross something else off my “Want List”. I can now say I have been horseback riding for the first time in 10 years. Today I went for a 2 hour trail ride with Nikki, Jenny, and Liberty (or as I like to call them, my Kettle Bell Girls). I loved the liability agreement we all had to sign. One of the questions asked if you were under or over 240 pounds! It was wonderful to be able to mark under. I couldn’t have done that last year.

I’m not sure if I can actually call what I did horseback riding because I really rode Molly the mule. Okay, at least she was half horse. Talk about a pushy girl. I guess we were well matched because all she wanted to do was snack as we rode. I really worked my shoulders and biceps pulling the reins up to get her to stop eating.

Liberty (my trainer) pointed out that we were using our core strength to balance and ride. That girl can point out the fitness in everything. I can’t believe I would get to see these girls three days a week. I am going to miss them so much. Fortunately, Liberty does offer some Saturday boot camps, so I am going to plan to get over there for those classes. Plus there are other things I will need to go back for too. The local feed store sells the brand of dog food I buy $6 cheaper than I can get here at home (when you go through a bag a week, that savings adds up). Plus I’ll need to come over every couple of weeks to pick up my Amish eggs. I just keep reminding myself that this isn’t good bye. It’s just a change in scheduling. The friendships I have made in these three girls are not friendships of convenience, I really think they are long term friends.

Afternoon Tantrum

2008-08-23T21:07:00.002-04:00

So this afternoon I threw what I am calling an eating tantrum. From 5 pm to 8 pm I grazed to my hearts content. Good thing I didn’t have anything really good in the house. I stuck with Whole Wheat bread, pork tenderloin off the grill, a skinny cow fudge bar, and a vita muffin, oh and a sugar free pudding. I was pissed off about today’s gain and had that destructive attitude that if I’m going to gain, I may as well eat. I know….stupid.

Interestingly this wasn’t like the old binges. This was the first time I went on an eating spree that I actually carefully weighed and measured everything I ate. I made a mental note of everything I ate and then logged it afterward. The damage really wasn’t bad. I went over my carbs by about 40 grams. Everything else was right in line with what my daily totals are supposed to be. I think the biggest transgression is that I didn’t stay within my 3 hour feedings and instead grazed for three solid hours.

Do I feel better? No. Did this teach me anything? Sort of. I knew I wanted to disobey the rules, but not so much as to do any real damage otherwise I wouldn’t have measured and logged what I ate. Maybe I am changing. But I’m still pissed about the gain.

Weigh in Report for August 23rd

2008-08-23T09:33:00.002-04:00

There aren't enough swear words to convey how frustrated I am today. I was up 1.4 pounds today. Honestly, I didn't do anything different from last week. I thought I was going to go in for a couple of pound loss today. What is wrong with my body?

It made me so sad to see an 11 year old little girl had joined last week. I could see myself in her. I was her at 11 years old. Already developed, already having to wear adult women's clothes. Don't get me wrong.... I am thrilled that a family member (I couldn't tell if it was mom, aunt, or grandma) was trying to help her by bringing her, but I can guess this is going to be her life's work, (as is mine) at battling eating disorders, self esteem problems and not feeling like she fits in with the rest of her friends. I certainly hope this won't be her lot in life, but you know as well as I do, that once this gets a hold of us, we will battle it all our lives. I just wanted to take her and hug her and tell her that no matter what her size she is beautiful and valuable but life has to be about more than food.

What happened to my town?

2008-08-22T19:51:00.001-04:00

Yikes, I ran into town tonight after work to grab a couple of things and my town has been invaded with college students! The clerk at Kroger told me that this is the largest freshman class ever for this university. The streets and stores are clogged. As I entered Kroger I passed a group of young men (boy, don’t I sound old) with a keg in their cart along with bottles of hard liquor. Someone isn’t going to feel so good in the morning.

Actually, “Back to School” time makes me very nostalgic for that time in my life when every thing was possible and within reach. I know, your going to say, everything is still possible and within reach. Yeah, it is sort of, but it doesn’t come with the same youth and naïveté anymore. I long for that “fresh start” and the smell of old books and freshly sharpened pencils and brand new markers.

In a way I’m getting that fresh start this year by starting my new job in a few days. In honor of my fresh start; I splurged on an insulated tote to carry my lunch in as I’ll be leaving behind the mini fridge I currently share with my coworker. I’ll need something to keep food poisoning at bay. It is so cute. It’s black with pink polka dots. You wouldn’t even know it was a cooler; it looks like a big zippered purse.

It reinforces how many changes I have made in my life that when I think of treating myself I no longer think of food. A treat or a splurge is about me. Not eating.

Stress? What Stress?

2008-08-22T19:47:00.002-04:00

Actually other than putting in longer hours than normal, this week hasn’t really been that bad. My boss in a moment of emotional weakness said that he valued my opinion on chosing my replacement and asked me along with two coworkers to conduct the 2nd interviews. I asked him to repeat what he just said louder and into the microphone and he said “no, you only get to hear that once. I really think he is going to miss me. I’m sure he would never say it, but some things you just know.

It was nice to be on the other side of the interview table. I was really nervous interviewing for my new position as it had been four years since I had used those “pick me!” skills.

It is going to be really hard leaving next week. As I took my replacement around the factory floor to introduce her to people, those that had not heard I was leaving said they were very sad to see me go and I even got some hugs. Really flattering.

Eating has been stellar. I have continued to eat my 6 meals consisting of about 22 grams protein and 22 grams carbs and keep my fat intake to about 30 grams per day. Other than impatiently waiting for the feedings on Sunday and Monday, it has gone smoothly again this week.

I did manage to pawn my trainee off on someone else for an hour so I could make kettle bell class today. My kettle bell days are numbered with changing jobs and I want to spend all the lunch hours with my girls that I can. Very good class. We spent the first 15 minutes doing timed snatches along with two handed swings then she had set up 6 bells of progressive weight (lightest was 35 pounds and the heaviest was 88 pounds) For the first lap, we had to do 10 sumo squats with each bell. Let me tell you, by the time I finished with the 88 pounder, my thighs felt like I had cement blocks strapped to them. We did the same thing (only backwards…started with heaviest weights and finished with lightest) only plie squats instead o sumos. Amazing how the 35 pound bell felt like a marshmallow after lifting the big boy.

When is my next fricking feeding?

2008-08-18T15:16:00.002-04:00

I’m working on my terrible swearing habit as my new job is in a nice proper office and not a factory where you can throw around f-bombs any time you like. So I will try to clean up the blog as well.

Diet Doc is going so well (obviously….. considering my loss on Saturday). I am not physically hungry. I actually have been eating around 24-28 points, so it’s not like I have dropped my calories to dangerous levels. This program just rearranges what you eat when and how much at a time. I did have my first weekly cheat meal yesterday (3 slices of pizza from our favorite local bar), but I felt so full afterwards, and guilty. I shouldn’t have felt guilty because this is not only allowed, but it is a mandatory part of the progam.

The last couple of days have been so tough though….I have stayed on plan, but man I watch the clock all day waiting for my next feeding. You would think this week would find me filled with resolve because of the nice weight loss on Saturday and being hopeful that my weight loss is finally moving again. I think a lot of my unrest comes from the new job I’ll be starting in a couple of weeks and still wondering if I am making the right decision (I know I am). I was also a lazy bum yesterday and other than a 30 minute hike at the local park with Haven, sat my butt (look at that….I didn’t say ass) on the couch watching Olympic coverage.

I just have to keep at this and fight those urges and find something else to do instead of focusing on food.

Weigh in Report for August 16th

2008-08-16T17:14:00.002-04:00

When I said yesterday I thought I was looking at a good loss yesterday, my body wasn't kiddin! I was down 4.2 pounds this week for a total gone of 75.5!!!!! Today my WW leader gave me the little disk that goes on the 10% key ring for 75 pounds lost. What a nice feeling. I am so hopeful that my new eating pattern has really helped move me off the ugly plateu I've been on for so long.

Big News

2008-08-15T19:47:00.002-04:00

I am so sorry for being MIA this week. BUT, I have big news! I have been offered (and accepted) a job back in my home town. The week has been filled with secretive interviews, 2nd interviews and actually telling my boss that I am leaving. Emotionally draining for certain. In fact I came home from work tonight and promptly fell asleep for two hours. \

About the job....."career wise" if you consider my degree, this was a step backwards. My new job is being the secretary to the county clerk. "Life wise" this is a huge step in the right direction. The pros to taking this job are many; my commute will be a whole four miles each way. My mom will be working just one floor up from my office so we will be able to spend so much more time together than we have in the past. The county has a better retirement plan, optical, dental, and more vacation and paid holidays than you can shake a stick at!

It will be hard to leave my job as I do enjoy (nearly all) of my coworkers and really respect my boss. I have learned and grown so much in the past four years in this position. I don't think that the automotive industry is a very good place to be at this time in our economy, no one knows what the big three is going to do or how it is going to trickle down and affect the tier two and three suppliers. Some of the biggest cons to leaving are not job related. I will be leaving my kettle bell gym and the amazing girls that I have become friends with. I'll have to actually pay to join a gym as I won't have a gym in the building like I am used to.

I am aprehensive about how all these changes will affect my weight loss. I'll no longer be able to fit my workouts in the middle of the day. I'm going to have to have the fortitude to make sure that I workout before or after work. Of course, while the weather is nice, mom and I will walk on our lunch to fit in a bit more activity.

So these are good changes, but changes none the less. I am pleased to say that even with all the drama and stress this week, I stuck exactly to my eating plan and just know that I am looking at a good loss tomorrow.

Trying Something New

2008-08-11T14:25:00.003-04:00

The kettle bell gym I go to offers a program called Diet Doc. Now, if you go to the Diet Doc website, it’s filled with body builders and the like, but I like the science behind the plan and I have decided to try it. I don’t plan on quitting WW as of right now, because I do think the meetings and focusing on behavior management is very important and Diet Doc doesn’t focus on it as much as far as I can tell after being on the program a few days.

Diet Doc is about eating 5-8 small meals and only eating as much as your body will need for the next 3 hours. According to the plan, eating more than that causes your body to store the extra calories, and we all know, I don’t need to store anything for later! You are given a calorie goal and that translates into a protein/carb/fat goal for each meal and for the entire day. My goal is 130 grams of protein, 130 grams of carbohydrate and 30 grams of fat per day. It is really important for these goals to be evenly distributed between your meals (I am doing 6 meals per day).

It sounds complicated and it does take a bit to get in the mind set of what is a carb what is a protein (instead of counting calories, points and fiber)and how to combine them but once you get that part down then it is all about planning your meals. This does take a bit more planning. The other struggle is getting used to eating small meals. Dinner is not an occasion to eat a huge meal, dinner is simply your 6pm feeding and you would treat it just like your 3pm feeding. Little bit of protein, little bit of carb and a little bit of fat. I have to keep in mind that I have 6 opportunities to eat instead and no longer graze all day takes a bit of getting used to as well. I so want to get to a point in my life where food is not about enjoyment and it is just about fueling your body nothing else. I know that is a lofty goal, but it is something I can work toward.

I am encouraged and hopeful that this will help me continue to lose weight. I have been doing the program since Friday. So far I have met with my trainer twice for about an hour at a time, planning meals, and going over the program so you do get some face to face individual attention, which I think is important.

The pic is from 2002 of me in Beijing.

Weigh in Report for August 9th

2008-08-09T20:18:00.002-04:00

Well, Well, Well, I was down 1.8 pounds today for a total loss of 71.6 pounds gone. I am very please with the downward progress this week. Hopefully next week I will be at an all time low.....let's hope the scale spirits agree.

So what was different about this week? Two things come to mind. I was much more careful about spreading my points evenly throughout the day so that I didn't have 5 points at the end of the day to blow on junk food. I also mixed up my exercise this week more than normal. I hopped on the stairmaster one day, did two workouts at the kettlebell gym and an hour of bike riding one day.

The New I Want List?

2008-08-06T13:01:00.001-04:00

One of the many topics of conversation Saturday was about the catalyst for losing weight or the reasons that keeps us going. It dawned on me that I have accomplished most of my Want List, and maybe that is the reason I am not being as successful as in the past. I know I’ve never given you numbers of what my heaviest weight was or what I am down to, but you know I’ve gone from 26 to the size 16 I wear now. My want list was concrete, tangible things that I wanted to be able to do in my life. I wanted to go horseback riding (on the calendar this month) I wanted to be able to sit in a lawn chair without worrying I would break it (done).

I have accomplished a lot. I’ve come a long way. I know I fuss, moan and whine about not losing any weight since May, but damn, I haven’t quit and gone back to the Ding Dongs and Totino’s pizzas! That says a lot. Old Brenda would have thrown in the towel for not losing weight for two and a half months and would be sitting watching TV with her double date Ben and Jerry. Old Brenda would have stopped exercising already. New Brenda has stuck with it. Comments from you guys both on the blog and privately have helped so much.

I need to think of the things that I want to do 65 pounds from now that I don’t feel comfortable doing now. I need those tangible reasons that remind me that I’m not finished with this. Yeah, I can hear some of you saying “wear a skimpy bathing suit, fit into a size 6, reduce your risk of heart disease”, all valid goals for some but those don’t inspire me with passion. I need to know in my heart why I am doing this and why I will continue to the end. Maybe it’s that I know I need to reach goal in order to become a WW leader, maybe I do have that marathon in me that I need to finish. I did say I wanted to be a runner in my first Want List. I haven’t run a step in months, so there is some unfinished business there to revisit.

So it’s time to revamp the Want List from what I was to where I want to go. Suggestions are always welcome.

Never Fear, I am Here!

2008-08-06T13:00:00.000-04:00

I have not thrown in the towel. I am so sorry I didn’t post a weigh in report this weekend. I got sidetracked with a trip to Ann Arbor for a Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s fix with my mom and a couple of friends on Saturday right after WW.
I was down .6 pounds this week. I can live with that, it’s a movement in the right direction. It isn’t the apology from the scale I would hope to receive…( I was thinking some astronomical number and that it would also flash, “I’m sorry Brenda for screwing with you so much the last couple of months). But, down is down and that counts for something, half hearted apology accepted.

Saturday was a blast and reenergizing. The friends that went with us this month include Kristy, who I’ve known and adored for more than 15 years. She’s a power house of a person, with a degree in dietetics and has been diligently trying to help me get over this hump. She brought along her friend Blaine who is a personal trainer, avid runner, bike racer and nutritionist for a local gym. Nothing like having the most amazing brains in the car for a long road trip.

Blaine and Kristy went to work on my eating habits and the way I eat my points. I confessed to eating light during the day (only 12 of my 28 points are used by the time I leave work for the day) and gave me structured amounts to eat at each meal and snack. I am to eat 6 points for each meal and have two 4 point and one 2 point snacks throughout the day.

Kristy and Blaine talked about muscle memory and that they think our bodies may do the same thing when we eat the same food every day. My understanding of muscle memory is that when we ask our bodies to do the same routine every single day (30 minutes on the treadmill, 20 minutes on the Stairmaster…) our bodies just say, “Oh…..okay, I know how to do this and I will do it more efficiently today so I can save myself work in the end. Kind of like the super old commercial with the Dunkin’ Donuts guy. “It’s time to make the donuts….” It is all very rote and your body just starts going through the motions.

They both thought that not only do I need to stop eating my same English muffin with PB2 for breakfast and a salad for lunch with 5 ounces of chicken, they also thought that mixing up how many points I eat each day (instead of 28 every single day) would be a good idea. Neither of them thought I should drop my points or eat less and Blaine thought that a couple times a week I should add in an extra 5 points or so of protein on top of my normal points. She very clearly stipulated that the extra 5 points were not to be applied to eating no pudge brownies and ice cream.

So I got a great pep talk, which I really needed and some ideas to try. Well see how it goes.

97 More Days

2008-07-31T10:10:00.002-04:00

Whooo Hoooo! Only 97 more days until the presidential election. I think that our democracy and voting process are very important, but I am so beyond sick of all the mud slinging. I will be so glad when it is over.

I know I sound like a cynic, but neither of them is the perfect candidate and both are likely just telling us what we want to hear and aren’t likely to keep their promises once in office.

Back to an Old Favorite

2008-07-29T20:27:00.002-04:00

I started getting things back undercontrol Monday afternoon. Note I said afternoon........ I managed to polish off a packaged of vitamuffins in the morning (how did they get in my cart at Meijers????) I ended up with my points at 22 for the day, so I undid 6 points of damage which is a step in the right direction.

Today things really fell back in line. I didn't go to kettle bell today. I decided to workout by myself in the gym at work. It had been a long time since I did anything but change my clothes in there. The VP added a little mini fridge with bottled water while I've been gone. While I love my new friends and kettlebell workouts, this was a refreshing visit with an old friend. I didn't do anything particularly exciting.....one minute intervals between level 4 and level 10 on the treadmill walking at a brisk pace. I really worked up a sweat and felt great afterward.

I think this is another example of my extremism behavior. Instead of doing a little bit of everything, I get focused on one thing and do it ad nauseum. Moderation Brenda.....Moderation Maybe I need a tatoo of this on my forearm so I remember to live this way more often.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

2008-07-28T07:44:00.002-04:00

My attitude really sucked after weigh in on Saturday and my food journal can back that up. I guess I just figured if I am going to gain weight, I may as well eat. I know….. really bad attitude. I did well while I worked at the park, but once I got home, all bets were off. I went 10 points over my daily on Saturday and things only got worse on Sunday.

Sunday I had a birthday party to go to for a friend and I started freaking about what to wear or if I would have anyone to talk to. I started eating even before I left the house. I just started grabbing at food. Potato chips (which I don’t even like) with chocolate chips (makes the potato chips tolerable). Then I ate chicken leg and a fiber one bar. Once at the party, I went to town on the nuts and mints sitting on the table, I ate a BBQ sandwich and the huge piece of birthday cake they set in front of me. It wasn’t even chocolate cake, but I ate it all the same. You would think I would have recovered my senses on the way home but then I threw a pork loin on the grill along with some corn on the cob. I finished the night off with a no pudge brownie with ice cream and a fiber one bar just as I went to bed. Whew…you tired yet?

I estimate I went about 16 points over my daily points on Sunday. I may have gone over board, but I did write everything down…….you thought that would have stopped the madness. So the total weekend damage is about 26 points. I’ll round that figure up to 30 just to be safe.

My plan is to cut back my daily points each day to make up the insanity and add in two extra workouts.

Weigh in Report for July 26th

2008-07-28T07:43:00.001-04:00

Remember last week's weigh in report? Go read it again. Same thing happened this week.

Baseball is so Boring

2008-07-24T10:23:00.001-04:00

Last night my hubby and I went to see another minor league baseball game. I am not a sports fan in general, but enjoy going to the Tiger games in Detroit because there’s so much more to do than watch baseball.

Maybe it’s just this minor league team, but they just can’t seem to hit the ball anywhere. They don’t need to rake the field because it’s rare for anyone to actually run the bases. I will say it is a beautiful stadium and the staff are the most friendly and accomodating I've ever experienced.

I was so bored and all the food smelled so good. I could have eaten three days worth of points just out of boredom. I did go prepared though; I ate an egg white sandwich before I left for the game along with some steamed veggies. I also packed a vita muffin and some trail mix in my purse for sweet snacks. The only thing I bought to eat was a soft pretzel with salt. We didn’t eat any hotdogs.

While it was nice to spend time with my hubby, I told him he can invite a friend to enjoy the other two games that we have tickets for.

The Beer is Working!!!!

2008-07-24T10:22:00.001-04:00

My co-gardener just called and she said the beer slaying of the slugs is working. She said it is amazing how many dead slugs there were in all of our containers this morning when she checked on the garden.

Tonight it's my turn to fill up the containers with beer although I did find a recipe for something else that should produce the same result. I guess the slugs are attracted to the yeast. So I found a recipe that called for 1 cup of water, ½ cup of sugar and ¼ teaspoon of yeast. When the beer runs out we will likely switch to that concoction.

I am just so pleased that we found a way to rid our garden of a pest without resorting to nasty chemicals.

My Eggs come from Happy Chickens

2008-07-23T11:48:00.005-04:00

Last night I made my bimonthly trip out to the Amish farm to buy eggs. I get 12 dozen at a time and give three to my friend, and two to my mom and the rest are mine to last me two weeks. We really do go through all the eggs too. John and I eat the whites, the dogs get the yolks, and the shells go into my cooking compost! I save the containers and return them back to the Amish for refilling. I love that nothing is thrown away. Some Amish do run puppy mills and would never support an Amish family that did that, but this family only raises livestock. I've not seen any dogs.

Today I snuck a picture from my van of my happy chickens (I assume they are happy, as I was unable to interview them individually) scratching away at the grass eating grubs or other yummy insect goodness. I say I had to sneak a picture because the Amish farmer was there and the Amish do not like their picture taken. Trust me the white specks in front of the barn are chickens.

The more I read about where our commercial food comes from the happier I am that at least one thing I eat isn’t injected with who knows what and isn’t kept in a tiny cage. I am currently reading Michael Pollans, The Omnivore’s Dilema. It has been very informative read without the finger wagging of everything from the grocery store is evil. This guy just actually follows the route of food from beginning to our plate.

Yesterday was the first time there was a person around. There is a sign on the door that says eggs self serve and inside the door is a little table with dozens of eggs boxed up. The Amish do not believe in electricity so the eggs are not refrigerated. Some people freak out about this, but these are FRESH eggs, they don’t need refrigerated (think about it, the hen it came from is room temperature). My understanding is that commercial eggs are refrigerated because they have no idea how old they are and that way they can put freshness date on them of 4 weeks from when you buy them. I do refrigerate my eggs when I get them home, but a friend of mine doesn’t. He stores his in the breezeway of his house and has never had any problems. This Amish farm also takes orders for fresh chickens, and I think the next time I stop I will order a couple of chickens too

Garden Bounty

2008-07-23T07:59:00.001-04:00

I got a panicked call from my friend about our garden this weekend and did not take her seriously enough. She said we had slugs in our garden. I imagined a cute little snail without a shell just living in the garden. No such luck.

We have a total alien infestation of these buggers! They are eating and boring holes in all of our food! I found one inside a faded blossom of a zucchini plant eating the veggie as it formed. There are thousands of them all over everything. Everything is on the buffet for these aliens.

I did some checking on line and it said to put out trays of beer in the garden and the slugs will be drawn to it and they will drink the beer and die. I ran to the local party store and grabbed a 12 pack of the cheapest beer I could find. I asked the clerk as I was paying if this was their cheapest beer as I had slugs, and he commented that I must not like my drinking buddies if I am calling them slugs. So I had to explain what a slug was and what I had been told the beer will do to the slugs. Last night we set out 8 little lids and put beer in them. I am anxious for Stacey to call today and tell me if our natural remedy worked.

Anyway, I was able to pick some basil, zucchini, radishes, green beans, and dill. I chopped up the zucchini along with an onion, some small red potatoes, basil, and a can of diced tomatoes then I topped it with some shredded Monterey jack cheese. It was so good I brought the leftovers with me for lunch today.

Product Review: Trader Joe's Ground Buffalo Steak Burgers

2008-07-22T11:39:00.002-04:00

I have always heard that buffalo is supposed to be very good for you. It is a lean meat and most often grass fed so it is high in Omega 3s. I found these on my last shopping trip to Trader Joe's. I thought these were pretty reasonably priced. There were four good sized burgers (frozen weight was somewhere over a pound) in the package and I think they were $5.39 or something like that.

I threw them on the grill last week then topped with the usual hamburger fare. They were amazing. They were so meaty but without the grease. I figure any grease they contained originally was likely burned off from being on the grill. Each burger patty weighed 3.5 oz after cooking.

Now the nutritional information on the box said to count 7 WW points for each burger. I just don’t see how they could have that many points for only 3.5 oz of super lean meat. I would estimate maybe 5 points at the outside for a patty considering that the leanness reminded me of venison more than beef. So I counted it at 5 instead of 7. Thinking back, maybe that was part of my 1 pound gain this week.

Anyway, they were delicious off the grill, although I would guess they would taste just as good off the George Foreman grill. I also thought the price was right. This will be on my next Trader Joe’s list for sure.

Product Review: Trader Joe's Buffalo Burger

2008-07-22T11:38:00.002-04:00

I have always heard that buffalo is supposed to be very good for you. It is a lean meat and most often grass fed so it is high in Omega 3s. These were pretty reasonably priced. There were four good sized burgers in the packaged and I think they were $5.39 or something like that.
I threw them on the grill last week then topped with the usual hamburger fare. They were amazing. They were so meaty but without the grease. I figure any grease they contained originally was likely burned off from being on the grill. Each burger patty weighed 3.5 oz after cooking.

Now the nutritional on the box said to count 7 WW points for each burger. I just don’t see how they could have that many points for only 3.5 oz of super lean meat. I would estimate maybe 5 points at the outside for a patty considering that the leanness reminded me of venison more than beef. So I counted it at 5 instead of 7. Thinking back, maybe that was part of my 1 pound gain this week.

Anyway, they were delicious off the grill, although I would guess they would taste just as good off the George Foreman grill. I also thought the price was right. This will be on my next Trader Joe’s list for sure.

Product Review: Trader Joe's Meatless Balls

2008-07-22T10:29:00.002-04:00

This is the second time I’ve had the meatless balls from Trader Joes. Six meatballs are 3 WW points, which considering their size is a pretty good value. These are precooked so all you have to do is heat and eat.

The first time I had them for dinner I baked them in the oven for 25 minutes and they came out so good. Just a little crunch on the outside like I like. I just put them on top of the pasta and sauce when we were ready to eat.

This time I just added them to a can of Marinara sauce with some onions and mushrooms. I didn’t like them this way as well as cooking in the sauce made them soggy. The taste is still really good and I am always looking for meat substitutes that John won’t protest.

The other day he needed an ice pack for his leg and wanted to use them instead of a bag of veggies and I could have come out of my skin. Not my Trader Joe’s Meatless Balls!!!! He does like them he was just trying to get a rise out of me.

Car troubles continued.....

2008-07-21T17:18:00.002-04:00

I got a call from my insurance agency this afternoon. Evidently what the policeman said to me the morning of the accident was not what he decided to write on the police report! While he told me that we were both at fault for the accident, according to the insurance, the report indicates I was the only one at fault.

This means that not only aren't any of the damages to my car covered, but now my insurance says I have to pay the other persons deductable to the tune of $500! For goodness sake, I don't even have a car that will run let alone look like anything other than a white trash mobile and now they expect me to cover her $500 deductable on top of the unknown amount to fix my own car by the time all is said is done.

I will admit I was at partly at fault for trusting that she was turning left even though she turned right and didn't have a blinker on and not being able to stop my vehicle, that's the law, but damn it, she was at fault too!

The insurance is giving me a choice, I pay the $500 and nothing goes on my insurance record. If I choose to not pay the $500 they will put an "at fault" accident on my insurance record for 3 years and my insurance premiums will go up. She wasn't able to tell me how much they woud go up.

On my commute home I alternated between wishing the persons hair to fall out, to wishing the police officer's pants to fall down on his next call, to crying because where the hell am I going to come up with $500 when I don't even have the money to fix my own damn car!

What I didn't do when I got home, was stress eat! Instead I just collected all the poodle kisses that were needed to make me realize there aren't many more important things in the world than poodle kisses. I fixed my dinner (spaghetti with meatless balls) and ate it. There were even vitamuffins in the fridge!

So the score stands: Insurance company: $500, Brenda: self restraint and seeing the bigger picture.

Speaking of eating choices

2008-07-21T13:16:00.003-04:00

Here is a questionable combination: Tuna sandwhich and a grande sugar free mocha from Biggby's.

Every week I have a coffee lunch with one of my most amazing friends. She works at the local hospital and I pick her up we have coffee at Biggby's and chat about our lives. I so look forward to this face time with her. We chat via email all the time, but sometimes it's just good to see the face of a friend.

Today was our coffee lunch. Then I came back to the office and ate my tuna sandwhich. Gotta say now I feel a bit queasy.......

New Day

2008-07-21T12:49:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm done with my whining pitty party and moving on. I do not want to stay at this weight, but I don't feel like I am entirely in control so all I can do is live my life like I plan to live it until the end.
Make good eating choices, drink water, and move more. As I have said before that's what I can control. Funny how I keep saying that but it doesn't seem to sink in like it should.

Weigh in Report for July 19th

2008-07-19T19:47:00.005-04:00

@!#$*%$#**& (my attempt at an expletive rant)

I was up one pound today. My emotions swing from being pissed off to depressed to feeling like a fraud and a loser (and not the good kind). I worked my gate attendant job today so I had plenty of solitude to reflect on the results of the week. I mean, come on already! I have not been in new weight territory since the middle of May! May....we're talkin' like two frickin months ago! No real weight loss in two months.

On a side note this morning I only drove part of the way in to weight watchers and then pulled my bike out of the van and rode it the rest of the way. I estimate I rode about 2 1/2 miles each way. I also hit kettle bell class twice this week. I looked up the activity points for kettle bell and it is considered high intensity for 30 minutes and equals 5 activity points.

So I am looking over my journal and here are my points for each day. I am supposed to have 28 or 29 points per day not including 35 flex points and activity points. I am working off the idea that I had been restricting my calories too much and so I have made a point to use some of my flex and/or activity pionts. So here are the numbers: Sat= 38 ( I consider Sat my splurge day and allow myself 10 or so extra points) Sun=26, Mon=31, Tue=30, Wed=27, Thur=28, Fri=29. I don't think I went crazy this week.

I really hoped I would have a decent loss this week and either be back at my lowest or even in new territory. No suck luck (and I am beginning to thing this is weight loss thing has a lot to do with luck. It sure isn't calories in calories out like Jillian on Biggest Loser is always saying....at least not for me the last few months.

I will keep keeping on. I won't back down, I won't give up. I know that says something about me, I just wish I had some losses to go along with my resolve.

Working on the Garden

2008-07-17T12:58:00.002-04:00

This week I ran over to my friends to work on our cooperative garden. While she cooked dinner, her three children and I went to work with a hoe and pulling weeds. Surprisingly it was time to harvest a few things already. The kids and I stood eating fresh green beans right off the plants, we pulled a few small radishes that were a bit crowded and also pulled the last of the lettuce.

The lettuce we planted was a variety mix and one of them is so hot it’ll peal your pants off! We were guessing that it may have been related to the horseradish family. Talk about clear out your sinuses.
There are some roma tomatoes almost ready to pick (next day or two) and the rest of the plants are loaded with fruit. We are going to have so much canning to do. I could make out the very beginnings of the broccoli nestled in its leaves and the heads of cabbage are about the size of a child’s fist.

The cucumbers and various squash plants are enormous and full of fading flowers. The dill, fennel are looking good but something is eating the basil. The onion tops are looking strong and tall.

A few weeks in, we covered all the isleways with newspaper and then covered that with a nice covering of straw. That has made all the difference in the weeds.

Bathing Suit

2008-07-17T11:15:00.003-04:00

Hold on to your coulots everyone.

I bought a bathing suit today! I didn’t try it on (I made sure it could be returned though). My friend has a pool and after I gardened the other night I took a dip using one of her old swimsuits.

It has been at least 10 years since I have had a bathing suit on or went swimming. Her suit didn’t fit right so I wore my sports bra underneath it (glad it was just her and the kids). I really enjoyed it. The kids and I played games and did a lot of laughing and splashing.

I’ve always enjoyed swimming just never enjoyed the bathing suit part of it. So I decided I should find a suit (on the clearance rack of course) that I would feel more comfortable in should I decide to take another dip. I'm a long way from feeling comfortable wearing it in public but I am planning to go canoeing next week so I may even feel confident to wear it as we paddle down the river (I'll only scare the fish)!

Talk about a big step. Okay, this is not a pic of my new suit. It doesn’t cover quite this much.

Shout out to the Wisconsin Crew

2008-07-17T11:14:00.001-04:00

My mom is out visiting our family in Wisconsin and my favorite cousins Dee and Amanda were telling her how much they enjoy reading the blog. (Hmmmmmm I don’t even hear from one of them……Amanda!!!!)

Mom also tells me that cousin Amanda has dropped an amazing 140 pounds! Whooo hooo girlie! I’m doing the snoopy dance for you. I hear you look amazing. Sure wish I could be there sitting around the bon fire with all of you. Save me some deep fried cheese curds will ya?

Microchipping Your Pet

2008-07-16T12:36:00.003-04:00

The Today show this morning interviewed a family from Brooklyn, New York that had lost their dog and it ended up 850 miles away in Georgia. Their dog was returned to them because he had a microchip imbedded in him that the shelter was able to scan and get basic information from such as his name and where the family lived. The only reason they were reunited with their dog was because of that micro chip.

I am a big advocate of microchipping our pets. If you aren’t familiar, these microchips are about the size of a grain of rice and are inserted using a large needle into the area between the shoulder blades of the animal. The microchip can then be scanned (similar to at the grocery store) and contact information (via a form the owner and vet clinic fills out) is linked to that particular chip with the maker of the chip. Most shelters and vet offices have these scanners. I think you can get a chip inserted and registered for around $50 here in Michigan.

All of my dogs have either a Home Again ™ or Avid ™ brand microchip. Some people think this in invasive and prefer to just keep collars and tags on their animals. I like to do both because collars can come off. My dogs do wear collars and the tag on the collar has my phone number, my vet clinic phone number and the word microchipped. That way, when the dog is found the collar tells them right then and there that they are indeed microchipped. I also think (hope) that microchipping will deter someone from trying to steal your dog.

Back to Kettle Bell

2008-07-15T20:10:00.003-04:00

I worked out at the kettle bell gym today for the first time in two weeks. That cold really got into my lungs and I hated the thought of coughing all over everyone and leaving my germs all over the bells so I stayed away until I really felt 100%.

It was so great to be back. I missed the girls there so much. I think they actually missed me too. Nikki even even called me at work to make sure I was returning today. I received lots of hugs and was really flattered that they made such a fuss over me getting back there.

I could really tell it had been two weeks since I had worked out. My endurance took a hit and I had to use a lighter bell. I sure worked up a sweat. There is a new trainer leading the daytime classes and she is wicked! I thought Liberty was tough, but the apple doesn't far fall from the tree when it comes to Jen. It felt so good to huff and puff and be drenched with sweat again. I really missed it and can't wait to go back for more punishment tomorrow.

Even better than the workout is that post workout high. Those endorphins that get released give me the most amazing high for about three hours. I can't stop smiling and I caught myself singing at the top of my lungs on the way home. That high is so worth getting sweaty for. The feeling I get I'm sure puts any street drug to shame.

Fresh Ingredients

2008-07-15T11:11:00.000-04:00

Michigan is starting to get in good fresh fruit and veggies. Meijer’s has had plums and nectarines (still from California, not Michigan yet) on sale the last couple of weeks that are amazing. The farmers markets that I go to have had strawberries for weeks and are now selling plump juicy blueberries. You can also get plenty of lettuce, peas, radishes and broccoli already.

A coworker and I ate an entire pint of blueberries last week at lunch. Right now, blueberries are $3 per pint and Strawberries are $3.50 per quart. I justify it by reminding myself that I wouldn’t have thought twice about spending $3.50 for a bag of Pepperidge Farms cookies. Now that I value real food over junk food, I shouldn’t balk at paying it for fruits and vegetables.

I just love that I enjoy fruit as much if not more than junk food now. Sure, I eat the vita muffin tops occasionally or a skinny cow ice cream bar (I’m happy to say I have both those binging addictions under control), but I look forward to packing my bag for work with good stuff. I have a plum and a nectarine for morning snack and then bring an apple to eat on the commute home. A year ago, I’d have smacked you if you would have said I would voluntarily eat three pieces of fruit per day.

This weekend at the farmers market I picked up a head of fresh cabbage along with freshly dug red potatoes and onions. I used the cabbage to make another batch of cabbage roll casserole and we had the potatoes and onions on the grill last night. I just cut up them up and put them in an aluminum foil pouch with a touch of olive oil and throw them on the grill for about 12 minutes. Fresh food just tastes so much better than something that was shipped from goodness knows where and then sits in a cardboard box for a week or more. My local farmers market has even been giving away reusable grocery bags. Even though it is supposed to be only one per customer, I have asked for one each week so I have managed to accumulate three of them.

Car Troubles Stress Me Out

2008-07-15T08:10:00.001-04:00

The bad news is my car is still not drivable after last month’s car accident. I thought I was close but when I took the new wheel to be aligned, they discovered another $500 worth of repairs that needed done (tie rods, bushings, ball joints, bolts). Man, I’m already $250 in to repairs and I still can’t drive it. We aren’t even talking about making it look decent by pulling out the crashed fender, or putting on a new side mirror. I’m just trying to get it back on the road.

I am very fortunate to have a back up vehicle. I have a 17 year old van that I have been driving. It has its own set of old age problems. Leaking oil, no air conditioner, and a back window that is missing two of the four bolts that hold it on to the door.

The good news is that I am not stress eating. Car troubles have always really freaked me out and made me cry. Yes, I cry when I have car problems. I think it’s that helpless, at the mercy of the mechanic feeling that makes me cry and want to eat. Believe me, I’ve thought about it.

When I got the call about the additional $500 tie rods and other paraphernalia, I almost grabbed quarters and headed for the ding dongs in the vending machine. But I was able to stop and ask myself, what will that really accomplish? Yes the waxy chocolate and sugar laden filling will taste good as I eat them in a total of four bites, but then what. I will still need more car repairs and then I’ll know that I’ve done something that will start a terrible cycle.
I am really pleased that I have been able to talk myself down from the ledge and I think it shows that I am getting stronger and even restructuring my brain a bit.

The Compost Pile

2008-07-14T13:37:00.001-04:00

Whoo Hoo, the compost pile is a brewin’. I have had to shred some paper to add to the pile as I came to understand that my ratio of green waste to brown waste was off. I guess you are supposed to have 3 parts brown waste, to 1 part green waste. Green waste includes my fruit and veggie scraps, egg shells, and grass clippings. Brown waste includes dried leaves, twigs, straw and newspaper and dryer lint (I think).

I have lots of green waste and not so much of the brown waste. I shredded some newspaper and am now saving my cardboard toilet paper rolls and to add to the pile to correct my unbalance. If you have too much green then the pile doesn’t “cook” like it should and will begin to smell. There are lots of flies are come out when I remove the lid to put more food scraps in, but I just close it quickly. I’ve also begun to add some water every couple of days. I need to get out the pitchfork and stir things up, but I’m afraid I’m going to get grossed out when I see “disco rice” writhing in the pile. I’m sure it is normal, but still makes me itch.

I finally found something more permanent to hold our waste in the house until I’m ready to go add it to the pile at the end of the day. I had just been using a cool whip container (which was too small), but this weekend I found a 2 ½ gallon plastic paint bucket with a lid. I can accumulate for at least a day before taking it out to the pile. It does have a few holes in the lid so unfortunately I am still attracting fruit flies, so maybe I need to make sure to take it out daily. You can buy kitchen compost pails that are very pretty and even have charcoal filters in the lid if you like, but they are $30, and $3 for the paint bucket was much more appropriate for my budget.

I realize we are only a few weeks into this new habit but already we have reduced our actual garbage that goes to the curb to less than a bag per week. We throw away almost no food garbage now. Either we eat it before it goes bad, the dogs eat it, or it is something that can go in the compost pile. I even read that I can put dog hair in it (believe me I have plenty of dog hair). I just don't know if it is considered green or brown.

Weigh in Report for July 12th

2008-07-12T21:48:00.003-04:00

Betcha thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth didn't cha? More on that in another post.

Today I was down 3 pounds! Yippee. ONe more pound and I will be back to my lowest weight which was the 2nd week of boot camp when I lost 7 pounds.

So what did I do different? I ate all my point each day. No telling myself that if I cut out a few extra points I'll have a bigger loss. I even ate some of my flex points last Saturday. I also didn't do any formal exercise all week. The only activity was mowing the grass this week.

So I am going to do the same thing this week with the exception of the exercise. I have really missed going to kettle bell so I add that back in. Maybe I'll even eat a couple of activity points for it.

Hopefully I will get a similar result next week.

Back to Work

2008-07-08T09:57:00.002-04:00

Well the holiday is over and it was jammed packed with activity. John and I went to a local minor league ball game on Thursday, went to see the Bay City Fireworks on Friday with his family, and I worked Sat and Sunday as a gate attendant for our local county parks.

I love working as a gate attendant in the summer. It is a nice, low pressure job and the people are usually in a great mood because they are heading out tubing or canoeing on the river, and I get caught up on my reading in between customers. The only drawback is sitting out in the heat sucking in the dust that’s kicked up by all the cars going through. It’s an excuse to relax (read: no laundry, no dishes, no sweeping) and read while making money. I took Monday off from work to recoup and try to get over this nasty summer cold. I slept all day (I was only awake 5 hours). I feel much better today.

Sitting in solitude gave me lots of time to examine my eating habits and refocus my attention on getting back on track and losing weight again. I’m going back to basics: Counting points, weighing and measuring everything and not eating something that I have to “guess” the points on. I really think part of my problems has stemmed from trying new things (carob covered cashews from the health food store), and since I don’t know how to count something I “forget” to count for it at all. I am certainly doing myself a disservice.
I haven’t lost any real weight in months and while on the one hand, I can partially blame this lack of loss on screwing up my metabolism, I have to blame myself for the last month of not counting everything and not eating as well as I could have.

What is that saying… it’s not how many times you get knocked down that matters, it’s how many times you get back up. I think being willing to honestly examine what I’ve been doing and admitting when I screw up, is what’s going to get me to my goal.

Cholesterol Problems in Children?

2008-07-08T09:54:00.001-04:00

Did anyone catch the evening news last night? On NBC nightly news the American Academy of Pediatrics is now recommending to start screening children as early as age two if they are considered high risk (family history or are overweight) for high cholesterol and heart disease. They are also approving statins (like Lipitor) be prescribed as early as age 8.

What are we doing to ourselves? I’m reading a book called Eat to Live by Dr Furhman. One of the chapters is titled “Digging Our Graves with Forks and Spoons”. I thought his views seemed a bit extreme as I was reading. Basically he recommends a diet of nearly all vegetables (2 pounds per day minimum) and fruit, with a few beans thrown in. He vehemently opposes the eating of any animal products. That means no dairy, eggs, meat, and such. He firmly believes that those are the cancer and disease causing agents in our lives. About halfway through the book I was already deciding that I wasn’t going to attempt his diet style as it really seemed so restrictive, but now I wonder if I should take a second look.

We are killing ourselves with all the junk we are eating. I also read this weekend that the Japanese eat 30% more calories than we Americans do, yet they weigh 20% less? How can that be? This article said that because their calories come from Vegetables and non animal proteins, their body actually uses what they eat instead of storing it around their middle.
I like junk as much as the next guy. You do have to wonder what our society is going to look like in 20 or 30 years if we don’t change the way we eat.

Weigh in Report for July 5th

2008-07-05T19:55:00.002-04:00

Well, I'd love to tell you I had a great loss this week, but I actually gained 1.8 pounds this week. I totally fell down on the job. I "thought" I had been eating well, but honestly did not track or write down much. I also didn't go to kettle bell or do any other form of exercise at all this week. Plus I know I hit the trail mix pretty hard at the minor league baseball game I went to on Thursday night.

So I have no one to blame for this gain but myself. I took the week off from my healthy life and you know what, I am paying for it. I paid for it on the scale today but I also paid for it because I feel totally run down from this cold and I wonder if I would have improved quicker if I had been eating right and exercising.

Live and learn and get back up on the horse and continue to ride into the health sunset.

Grande Sugar Free Skim Mocha No Whip

2008-07-03T06:46:00.002-04:00

This is my drink of choice from Biggby coffee that just opened up near where I work. This is the first “real” coffee shop in this town. They had their grand opening last week and I am ashamed to admit this……but …….I went every single day last week for a coffee! I am ashamed because I know that this stuff is crap for your body plus a $4 a day coffee habit does not fit into my meager budget. All the staff and management know me by name already. (It’s like Cheer’s….everyone knows your name). This town was thrilled to have a chain coffee shop. On last Monday, (the official grand opening) the line was 25 people deep at 6am!

I did better this week, I met a friend for a lunch time coffee on Monday and then I stopped this morning for one. Next week I will allow myself to stop once per week and that’s it. Their website gives you all the nutritional information so I can count the calories.

Other than my budding coffee habit, my eating has been good despite being extra tired this week and catching a mother of a cold.

Is it easier when you have more to lose?

2008-07-02T13:54:00.000-04:00

I called my dear friend Diana today and she told me that she was officially made a Weight Watchers lifetime member this week. I am so proud of her. I think she lost just under 40 pounds total. She and her husband joined WW the same week that I did.

I just think it must be harder to lose 30 or 40 pounds than the 130 than I needed to lose. I say this because if I were only about 30 pounds over weight, I don’t think I would have even thought I needed to lose weight at all. I just wouldn’t have thought it was such a big deal and just continued on with my life. I’d have bought a bigger size and waddled on. This makes total sense because I was 130 pounds over weight before I decided to do anything. I just kept buying a bigger size each season. It took a huge mountain of a weight problem to get myself motivated.

I am proud of her and everyone else that realizes that just losing any amount of excess weight (even as small as 10% of their body weight) will make a difference in their health.

End of Quarter Inventory

2008-07-01T10:51:00.002-04:00

Not feeling very talkative today as yesterday I stayed until after 10 pm and helped with end of quarter inventory and ended up working a 14 hour day. Pretty tired today considering I got less than 6 hours sleep last night before I need to turn around and get back into work.

Friends and Coworkers

2008-07-01T10:51:00.001-04:00

I had a big fender bender on my way to work this yesterday morning. What a way to start a Monday. The end result is that the sheriff deputy found us both at fault which since I have PLPD insurance means that none of my damages will be covered. Minimum I need a new wheel and tire to the tune of about $250. The entire drivers side of the car actually needs replaced, but I will just have the front fender bumped out and call it good. I can think of a lot better places to put my money than just making my car look normal again.

What strikes me is how great some of the people I work with are. My coworker and friend were right on the scene helping me to change the wheel and put on the temporary tire so I could get the rest of the way in to work. Our truck driver is taking care of getting me a deal on the new wheel and tire and one of the tool room guys is all over bumping out the fender and doors.

So, as rotten as my Monday began, I was okay, the other person was fine and my friends and coworkers were right there to help me get things back to normal. I have to feel pretty lucky to have all these people I can turn to for help.

Birthday!

2008-06-26T09:45:00.002-04:00

“Don’t just count your years, make your years count” –Ernest Meyers

Today is my 36th birthday. I cannot even begin to tell you how different my life is this year from last. This year, I actually feel 36 (or a bit younger) instead of 65. I can’t even remember my birthday last year it was such a non significant day. I was miserable and so depressed; I remember I was really hurting from the dog show event a few weeks prior. I didn’t feel like I had any value. I ate to suffocate my feelings (not that that was a new thing, I’d always done it, it just got worse last year). I was on a railcar to the bottom of a coal mine. I actually didn’t hit bottom until a month later (I started WW on July 23rd).

This year, I have learned what real friends are. I had them; I just didn’t see and appreciate them like I do now. Three people have already called and sung happy birthday to me this morning. Last night I actually played with my friends kids on their trampoline. I have never been on one before! These kids are teaching me its okay to be silly. I like that. You should have heard them chanting “Go Brenda, Go Brenda”. How cute is that?

So starting with this past year, I am making my years count. I am actually living my life, not just letting the days slip by. And to think that this is only one year into my “new life”, imagine how I’ll have the world by the tail this time next year.

What do I want for myself next year on my birthday? I want ore of what I have right now. More of being happy, more of loving my husband, family and dogs, more of being physically and mentally fit, more of trying new things, and more of enjoying every day.

Happy Birthday to me!

Weekend High lights and Low lights.

2008-06-23T14:00:00.002-04:00

Low lights first. I went to an auction looking for a new bike. I found a decent one, and decided I would go as high as $40 for it. I wandered around following the auctioneer watching the other items go when I looked behind me and there was a second auctioneer and he had just finished auctioning off the bikes. The bike I wanted went for $5! No, I didn’t forget to put a zero on the end of that number. This was a nice bike too. It had big shocks on the front, and on the rear wheels, as well as some kind of a suspension thing on the center bar. (Can you tell I know nothing about bikes?) It’s not that I really “need” a new bike, but would have been happy to pick something up. I guess it was not meant to be. I had to keep telling myself that so I didn't spit nails I was so mad when I realized what happened.

Another low light is that my big upright freezer went kaput this weekend. I think the seal went bad. I ate more meat this weekend than I have in months. I managed to fit most of the meat into our freezer in the house, and anything that was remotely looking freezer burned I cooked up for the dogs. The rest was freezer burned veggies and bread so we really didn’t lose much money. I am going to look for something smaller and more energy efficient to replace it.

One of my high lights of course includes my .4 pound loss on Saturday. I also picked strawberries on Saturday and that was quite enjoyable even if it was back breaking. The berries were only $1.40 per pound if you picked them yourself otherwise they are $3.50 per quart this season. Kind of pricey I think. I made John and I some healthy, low sugar strawberry shortcake.

Another high light is that I made my first ever compost bin. I took a 55 gallon plastic barrel (which I already had) and drilled a bazillion holes in it, then put it outside to start composting some of our food waste. I have so many fruit and vegetables peels and scraps that just go into the landfill where they can’t break down because they are trapped in a plastic bag. I need to make a list for John so he knows what can and cannot go into the compost pile. I am still foggy on a few things. I know meat, bones and processed foods are generally a no no. My main purpose is to reduce the amount of garbage we put out to the road. The nice soil it will eventually create will be a bonus, but that is not my primary reason for doing it. I am sick of paying $300 per year for garbage pick up. Between our recycling efforts and now our composting, I think we will reduce our garbage to at most one bag per week. I am terribly ashamed to admit we would put out five bags per week easily before we started recycling. So this is just one more layer to “greening” up our habits.

Weigh In Report for June 21st

2008-06-21T15:39:00.002-04:00

Well, I am encouraged to say the least. Today (after not officially weighing in for two weeks) I am down .4 pounds. I was really expecting a big gain from the fudgefest last weekend. I did get right back to the game plan of 1800 calories per day, but still......so much fudge was consumed!

So, I am going to continue eating as many whole unprocessed foods as possible and continue on my 1800 calories per day. It seems like this may be working (funny how I've learned that one week's result is not indicitave of future results). Yippeee!

Nutritional Information---Trustworthy?

2008-06-20T13:21:00.001-04:00

I subscribe to daily emails from Hungrygirl.com. I love the different recipes and tips that I get in my email each morning. Last week they gave me bad news. A reader wrote in questioning the nutritional information on one of my very favorite Trader Joe’s product, the Grilled Chili Lime Chicken Burgers. I have these calculated to be two WW point per burger.

This reader thought they seemed awfully greasy considering the amount of calories and fat on the label. Hungry Girl went to work. They did their own independent testing on this product and it appears the nutritional information is way off and the burger is more likely four points! Incidentally, this isn’t the first time trader Joe’s has been wrong. I guess that a year ago they had to pull their banana chips off the market because of faulty nutritional information.

So I guess this makes me question the nutritionals on the things we eat. Who actually determines the number of calories in the serving of an item? Is there an independent organization that double checks all this? If not, what is to stop a manufacturer to falsify the information in order to appeal to a certain market of people? As hungry girl said in her response to the reader. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Food for thought.

Mini Adventure Vacation ----Day 2

2008-06-17T10:39:00.003-04:00

We planned another early day for Saturday. We caught the very first ferry to the Island at 7:30am. Most of the passengers on that ferry were people who worked on Island. Motorized vehicles are not allowed on the island. I felt sorry for the construction workers that had to put all their supplies in a wheelbarrow and wheel it to their worksite. I never saw a 4 wheeler, or golf cart. People just loaded stuff into the basket of their bike and took off to their jobs.
We rented bikes right away so we could start our bike riding before the throngs of people were out on the roads riding. It was a chilly morning, but so tranquil riding around the island.

We only met a few other people on the road. Surprisingly I actually met someone jogging around the island that I knew from boot camp in May! Three hours away from home and I still see someone I know! I also met the sister of one of my dearest friends working in one of the shops! It was really an easy ride. I don’t even think I broke a sweat. I know that since it was an “adventure vacation” we probably should have pushed ourselves but it was just nice relaxing and I figured that at least we could give ourselves credit for actually moving and not just sitting on a bench eating ice cream (that was later). It took us just an hour to ride the 8 miles around the island and then we turned our bikes in.

By that time people were streaming off the ferries and the main street was beginning to get crowded. After enjoying a Starbucks coffee (yep there is a Starbucks on the island) we took off on foot to see the inner island. I’m not sure how long we walked but according to the garmin, we put in a total of 15 miles. Eight of the miles were riding our bikes so I guess we walked about seven miles the rest of the day. I don’t think we really intended to walk that far, but since I had the map we (really I) got turned around and didn’t know where we were going for a while. At least it was an island so we knew eventually we would reach the water!

When we got back to the main street we did a bit of shopping and eating and then caught the 4 o’clock ferry back to the mainland.

I can’t tell you how much fudge I ate, but I know it was way too much. We ate a bit more of it on our way home Saturday evening and by the time I got home Saturday night, my eyes didn’t want to focus, I had a killer headache and terrible stomach upset. My body was letting me know that it can’t tolerate the sugar that I had eaten for the last couple of days.

I learned a lot about my new habits. I went on this trip knowing that I was not counting points, yet I still found myself trying to make healthy choices. I truly let myself enjoy the fudge and the ice cream without guilt or remorse. I knew that this weekend would not be a spring board back into the pool of bad habits that I used to live by. I allowed myself to enjoy everything knowing that come Sunday I would be back to healthy living. I had no idea how much my body would crave something such as cottage cheese and spinach!

I am so grateful to have spent this time with such a good friend. Our days were filled with lots of stories and laughter. We are already starting to plan our next mini adventure vacation for July.

Mini Adventure Vacation---Day One

2008-06-17T09:41:00.001-04:00

Deb and I had a great time on our first mini adventure vacation last weekend. We left her house at 7am on Friday and made it to Mackinaw City about 10:30am. We started the day out shopping and wandering around the many shops. The smell of fudge permeated the air! After lunch we walked a couple of miles along the shore line looking at the beautiful homes.

In the afternoon we headed across the bridge to St Ignace. We started out climbing Castle Rock (almost 200 feet above sea level). This is such a neat tourist trap! You have to pay 50 cents to climb the stairs and then when you come back down, you can have your picture taken in front of giant statues of Paul Bunyan and his Blue Ox. (The legend according to the pamphlet is that Paul scooped out the Great Lakes with his hands). When we were done in town we headed west about 15 minutes to the sand dunes so we could walk along Lake Michigan. We walked around for over an hour along the shore just laughing and talking.

St Ignace has changed so much since the summer I lived there. As a kid no one stopped in Mackinaw City unless you needed gas to get across the bridge. There was nothing there to see. It is actually quite sad because the situation is reversed and now St Ignace has practically folded up. Mackinaw City has built itself up so much with an amphitheater, and cute shops that people don’t feel the need to actually drive across the bridge anymore. I was shocked at how many of the mom and pop restaurants and motels were closed up now. Never fear though, Murdicks fudge was still open! Whew! We bought a couple of different kinds of fudge to snack on that evening. Man it was good!

Wow! Kind of Harsh!

2008-06-16T12:15:00.001-04:00

I received a surprisingly harsh message from a reader in response to my post called WW Rant. Maybe I need to explain my ever changing belief system when it comes to food in my life. I was told to drop my “holier than thou” attitude and get off my high horse. I really must say it surprised me. I will be the first one to say that “my way” is what is working for me right now, today. That doesn’t mean it is the "right way" for someone else and it doesn’t rule out that I many learn something tomorrow and adjust from there. I am figuring all this out one day at a time just like anyone else. I apologize for coming across in a way that seemed judgmental to anyone.

I still do eat some (as little as possible) processed food. I have tried to especially cut sugar substitutes and white flour out of my life. I just don’t think our bodies were meant to subsist on these ingredients. For goodness sakes, up until a few months ago, I ate a lean cuisine for lunch every single day. I just found that my body feels better and more satisfied when I eat something whole and fresh like a spinach salad with chicken on it. When I started WW last year I was willing to buy anything they said I should if it meant that I lost weight and could sustain my addiction to sweets. Many people don’t have the addiction to chocolate as I did. It was all I could think about. You’ve seen my earlier posts about binging on Vitamuffins or fiber one bars or using all but a few of my daily points on junk food. The greatest thing I ever got out of Boot camp in May was cutting all that stuff out and breaking my addiction with chocolate.

Did I eat some Mackinaw Island fudge and enjoy ice cream in a waffle cone on my vacation this weekend? You bet your ass I did! Did I enjoy it? You bet your ass I did! Was I sick for two days after? You bet your ass I was! I’ve been home for two days and don’t want to see anything resembling sugar for a very long time!

Here is my understanding of how sugar substitutes work in our brain. When we eat something (be it HFCS, Splenda, or whatever they put in the low fat and fat free treats) the stomach gets a message from our tastebuds saying “Hey we just felt sweet and so you are going to get some awesome calories in a bit.” When the stomach doesn’t receive the calories, it sends a message to our brain saying “WTF! You were supposed to send calories and didn’t. Go get something else.” I think it can put us on a terrible rollercoaster ride and I am glad I don’t have those strong cravings anymore.

Granted, I am NOT a scientist, this is just what I’ve read and I pretty much feel that this is how my body reacts. That’s why, when all this low fat stuff came out it gave me permission to eat more and the chemical reactions in my body reinforced the overeating and binging.

So, If you love the WW products and it helps you in your weight loss that is fantastic. Your journey is the only one that should matter to you. Their products taste good I’m sure many of us can agree on that! We all need to do what is best for us. I just have a hard time having all these boxes of “high priced stuff” marketed at us because we are their captive audience.

First Mini Adventure Vacation

2008-06-12T13:09:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow I am leaving for my first "active" vacation. One of my very dear friends and I are driving up to Mackinaw and taking a ferry to the Island and riding bikes for the day and then doing some hiking the next day in St Ignace.
There fore I will not have a post until Monday. By then the sugar buzz from the fudge I am going to enjoy will have left my body and I'll have lots of stories and pictures to share.
Have a great weekend everyone!

Weight Watchers Rant

2008-06-12T13:01:00.003-04:00

I went to a weight watchers meeting last night but didn’t weigh in. One, I was wearing jeans and I had eaten popcorn so I knew the scale would be skewed. Plus, I knew if I weighed in and saw a gain I would attribute it to my increase in calories and I may start cutting back my calories again. Since I am leaving for a two day vacation tomorrow I thought it would be good to have an extra mental boost before I went.

Last nights meeting topic was on indulgences. When you want to treat yourself for a job well done, a loss, or anything else that needs rewarding, what things do you like to indulge in? Most people still talked about food which made me very sad. Go here and get this and it’s only 2 points, or mix this with that and then add splenda….. You can eat a ton of the soda pop cake for only x amount of points. They only talked about food or alcohol rewards.

Don’t get me wrong, I love weight watchers and I think that the program is basically good and bonding with the other people at the meetings is really important. Here's an idea...... how about doing what is best for us instead of treating us as though we are a cash cow. Teach us about the big picture of what our body needs and can use. Not how to get the most sweets and junk food for our daily allotted points.

Which leads me to by biggest rant with WW. It makes me crazy to see all the stuff that weight watchers sells. Smoothie mixes, add ins for water, cookie bars, candy, chips, oatmeal and now flavored straws to put in your milk. Wow, is it just me or is weight watchers missing the boat? Here’s another idea….How about telling people that your body really can’t use all the chemicals and artificial sweeteners and preservatives that are in those items? How about telling them that artificial sweeteners have been shown to increase hunger and cravings? How about educating the consumers that the core plan and clean eating is what your body needs? No, instead they see a venue to make even more money off us (as if $40 bucks a month isn’t enough). I don’t mind the exercise videos, pedometers, cook books and measuring tools. It’s the food that they sell. These items are so expensive. I think the new Peanut Butter bliss bars are $7.50 for 6 bars! On Saturday’s there is one woman that has no less than 4 or 5 boxes of these things in her arms as she checks in every week!

On a side note, I know that I previously shied away from the core plan because they say you don’t count the points and use the fullness messages your body sends to your brain to stop eating. My brain and stomach don’t speak the same language so I never figured it would work for me. But if they taught that you do the core plan and count the points, maybe people would feel more comfortable trying it. BUT is the reason they don’t teach it that way because people would stop buying all the crap they are selling???? (Yep I am a big conspiracy theorist)

So, what did I share as my indulgence? I talked about buying a new pair of shoes or a new workout outfit or not feeling guilty spending money on my upcoming mini vacation to bike around Mackinaw.

Storm Fear

2008-06-11T12:10:00.001-04:00

Living in Michigan means at least a thunderstorm per week during the summer. Out of our seven dogs, we are fortunate that only Haven is afraid of storms. I am always on the lookout for new ideas to help Haven cope so I will share what I know about this phobia as it has related to her. I am by no means an expert and some of the things I have tried that didn’t work for us, may very well work for someone else.

Haven was born in May and we didn’t get her from my breeder until August but I don’t remember anything usual that first summer as a puppy. Then again I was so preoccupied with her broken leg that I may have missed indicators.

I think there are two things that can bother the dog. One is the change in barometric pressure that precedes and accompanies a storm. This is what I believe bothers Haven the most. It can be a clear day and she will start showing signs of stress long before a storm arrives. As a storm approaches, Haven will begin to pant heavily, pace around the house, and be “wild-eyed”. She cannot bring her self to stop moving and is not comforted by sitting next to one of us. If a storm starts after we are all in bed/crates, she will dig at the bottom of her crate door until her toes bleed. Her crate is situated under a window in the dog room and I wonder if the sound of the rain hitting the window sets her off. I am a light sleeper when it comes to my dogs so I hear her and put her in a crate in our bedroom. Once she settles into the new crate, she is fine and sleeps the rest of the night. I hate thinking about my poor girl if a storm hits and we are not home.

There are a variety of things on the market that are supposed to help. I recently tried Rescue Remedy (about $16) which is an herbal liquid that you give to the dog, and though I only tried it a couple of times, I did not notice an improvement of her symptoms. ( I did spill much of it on my bed and I can say that I slept better that night) To be fair I will try it again this summer. More recently (last weekend) I bought a product called Calm Caps (about $16). The ingredients include Kava Kava and Valerian Root. These were from a vendor at the dogs show called Nature’s Farmacy. I’ve given Haven two doses of these and she did seem to calm a bit, but I also knew the storm was coming and dosed her more than an hour before any thunder. Something I have not tried but would like to try are the calming coats you can buy. The theory is similar to the way it calms a baby when wrapping them in a swaddling blanket. The pressure exerted on the body by the jacket calms them. These are pricey but I have heard good things about them.

The other thing that can affect the dog is the sound of the thunder and the flashing of the lightening. This noise phobia is also seen during the 4th of July celebrations with fireworks.
In puppy class I tell my students to make a positive association with the noise. Even if it is the middle of the night, get up and play a game of ball in the house, and as long as they are not showing signs of stress, feed lots of treats. Make it a happy time.
You can also purchase cds with storm sounds and by playing them over and over and increasing the volume over time may desensitize the dog to the sound of thunder.

If anyone else out there has had experience with this please chime in and tell us what worked or didn’t work for you and your dog.

A fridge in the Gym?

2008-06-11T10:58:00.001-04:00

Boy, lots of improvements this year in our corporate gym. Not only did we get our new piece of equipment (the Matrix Accent) but yesterday I noticed that there was a mini fridge and it was stocked with fruit, veggies, and bottled water. How neat is that? The VP just grabbed me in the hallway and asked if I had seen the new addition and I told him it was a fantastic idea and we should think of adding a masseuse next!

I have to keep reminding myself of these perks when I moan about having to commute so far to work and spend so much on gas. I essentially have a free gym membership!

Variations of a Salad

2008-06-11T10:55:00.002-04:00

I eat a salad every day for lunch. Last week I had a sub at subway and I think the carbohydrates really made my workout suffer later that afternoon. So I will stick with my salad.

I used to use romaine and add chicken, mushrooms, tomatoes, and lots of bac-os topped with FF ranch dressing. I have recently switched from using Romaine lettuce to organic baby spinach. I believe there’s more nutritional value to spinach and I do really enjoy the taste. While I do love chicken on my salad sometimes you need to mix things up. Plus you’ll be pleased to know that I no longer buy or use bac-os. Whew, another bad habit broken!

Today I made what I call a “pizza salad” I stuck with my baby spinach but instead of chicken I cut up a couple of servings of Turkey pepperoni and added mushrooms and a serving of FF mozzarella cheese. Instead of FF ranch dressing, I used low fat balsamic vinaigrette. Kind of spicy and very good!

Play Ball!

2008-06-09T14:33:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned earlier I had tickets to a Tiger game on Saturday. Well, actually John (my husband) had tickets to a Tiger game with a couple of our friends and then had the opportunity to work so I was the lucky recipient of the ticket. First off, I adore the two guys I went with, Darren and Paul. Paul, John and I were all groomsmen at Darren’s wedding. I’ve known Darren for more than 15 years and Paul a few years less than that.

The day was perfect for a game. 80 degrees, sunny (I brought lots of sun block) and great seats. I even took off my shoes and socks and tanned my toes while we sat there. Plus, the Tiger’s won! During a slow spot we got up and wandered around the park and Paul and I rode the baseball themed ferris wheel.

I tried to plan my calories for the day I even took healthy snacks (cherries, cheese and was crackers, yogurt, a few fiber one bars and trail mix) to eat on the way down and for a snack on the way back from the game. I still ended up going over board. I had a couple of dogs, we all shared a soft pretzel, then Paul and I shared some sushi (yep, a fresh sushi bar at a ball park!)
So I made mostly good choices, and I tried to make up for my overage by reducing what I ate on Sunday.

No weigh in report for June 7th

2008-06-08T21:05:00.003-04:00

I wasn't able to weigh in this week as I had to be at the dog show to administer the AKC Canine Good Citizen test starting at 7am and my last dog was at 11am. I was grateful that I had planned to go to a Tiger game that afternoon so I had a reason to leave as soon as I was done testing dogs.

This was the first time I have been back to a dog show since everything happened last year and I decided to stop showing my dogs. A wave of nostagia hit me as I heard the hum of the dryers, and the saw the crates and grooming tables lined up. It was hard to see the people that I had hoped not to see. I found it difficult to explain where I had been for the past year to acquaintances. I knew I would be questioned so I had rehearsed a polite reply. I just told them that it was time to focus on me and my life for a while and not show dogs. I stayed out of the building where the poodle people were set up and did not go watch any of the judging.

I tested a total of 10 dogs and 9 of them passed. The dog that did not pass tried to bite my assistant as she bent down to examine his feet. That is not behavior that expected of a CGC dog. While the owner was surprised, she said they would work on the behavior and test again at a later date. Most owners only handle their dogs feet when they are going to trim their nails. This sets up a negative association with having their feet touched. I teach the people in my puppy class to handler their dogs feet in the evening while relaxing and that every time they touch the dog's foot, to feed the dog a treat. This will create a positive association of being handled. While my dogs still don't eagerly line up to have their nails trimmed, they do not pull their paw back from me when I want to handle it.

Budgeting the Calories

2008-06-05T08:40:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was my 14th wedding anniversary. Since next year is a milestone year we are planning to go to Vegas to celebrate our 15th. So far the plan is to renew our vows with an Elvis impersonator.

John and I planned to go to Applebee’s for dinner and have a meal sans being glued to the TV or being surrounded by begging dogs. While I waited for him to get home from work, I went on calorie king and planned what I was going to eat. I budgeted in the augratin soup, sirloin steak, with veggies, and rice and one of those dessert shooters they have there.

When John got home he had a sack from my favorite mom and pop grocery store. I knew what was in the sack before he even told me. A few nights ago we were talking about cravings and I said that I was hungry for a Ric’s brownie (hands down the best brownie ever! In the old days I could eat an entire pan single handedly in a couple of days). I had said I just wanted one, not a whole pan. So he stopped and got me one brownie. What a treat!

Here is the great part: old me would not have adjusted my dinner plans to work in the calories the brownie held, rather old me would have just ate the brownie in addition to the dinner and justified it as a special occasion. Not anymore. I cut out the augratin soup and the rice and did not get a dessert shooter to offset the calories. It was so nice to be able to savor the brownie and not feel guilty afterwards. That brownie was so good. It was just as decadent as I remember.

I should eat how many calories??????

2008-06-04T11:58:00.003-04:00

My wonderful friend with the dietetics degree was so nice to take time out of her super busy (read 4 children and a bustling daycare) to do all the calculations for me to know how many calories my body really requires. Here is much of her email to me.

She used the equation called the Harris-Benedict Equation. She believes that it is an accurate measure of BMR (basal metabolic rate or the amount of energy that is required just to exist.) and takes activity level into account.

She calculated my TDEE (total daily energy expenditure or actual number of Kcals used to maintain current size and and current activity level.) to be 2358 Kcals. In order to lose weight at current activity level (I choose the moderate activity 3-5 times per week), she said I can safely reduce my TDEE by 15 - 20%. This would = 1885 - 2005 Kcals per day. There is another recommendation of cutting 500 Kcals off of your TDEE in order to lose weight, which puts you at 1858 Kcals.

She recommend that I plan to eat 1800 - 1850 Kcals per day and see if that gets my weight loss moving again. Of course, eat clean, aim for 25% protein, 25% fat, and 40% carbs.

This sounds like a LOT of calories to eat. But I am willing to try it. Obviously 1200 calories wasn't helping the weight loss so it won't hurt (much) to try this for a couple of weeks. On the plus side, I will be unable to weigh in at WW for the next two Saturdays. This saturday I will be administering a CGC test for the local dog club and next Saturday I will be on my first mini adventure vacation with a girlfriend up north. I call this a plus because I know that if I saw a big gain on the scale this week, I may chicken out of trying this for a more than a few days let alone a couple of weeks. This way, I'll weigh in on the 21st and should get a real look at whether this new calorie level is working or not.

Another "Camp" and a Metabolism Lesson

2008-06-03T13:13:00.003-04:00

I tried out another “camp” (I won’t call it boot camp, as I don’t think it’s a much like what I just finished.) Blaine is a personal trainer and she is also certified in nutrition. You can join her camp or do one on one personal training sessions. The month long “camp” is outdoors rain or shine at various locations around town and the workouts are similar to what I did last month. There are two workouts per week and the cost $70 each month. You also get support from her via email or phone and before and after measurements.

A couple of my friends have been training with her for a while and really rave about her. The thing I really liked about this her is that for every task she gave us to do, she showed a few modified ways to do it and stressed that we should only do what we were comfortable with and to stop for water when ever needed. There were about 15 of us there last night. We did an obstacle course at a school playground. The workout was tough, but enjoyable. It was a mixture of cardio (jogging from station to station) and strength training.

After the workout, a few of us gathered at a picnic table and Blaine was happy to answer our questions (I wasn’t the only first timer there). Of course my first question was about the diet. She said that she gives us a guideline but since we were all different she would be available to answer questions or we could schedule an appt for a nutritional consultation with her to personalize it more. She also stated that 1200 calories was likely too low for me to be eating. I appreciated that when I told her about the struggles I’ve had over the last month; she didn’t have bad things to say about the trainer and was very professional. Our area is a small pond and I appreciate that she didn’t try to pump herself up by putting another local trainer down.

She spent some time explaining metabolism in layman’s terms. This was stuff I kind of knew, but the analogy she used was fantastic and I am going to paraphrase and share it with you.
She said your metabolism is like a bon fire. There are a lot of options of what we can put on the fire. Some fuels like newspaper (simple carbs, fruit) burn quickly but don't keep the fire going long term. Newspaper is fine to use on the fire, but realize that it will need something more substantial in order to keep going.
Some things like plastic bottles or garbage (sugar, white flour) burn too, but they really just really change composition and actually leave a nasty residue. Little twigs burn, but not for very long (meals with not enough calories, quick, easily digestible protein)
Nice sized logs keep the fire burning for a while (good sized meals three to four hours apart, quality protein, and whole grain carbs). You will need to add a log every few hours though in order to keep the fire burning.
But be careful, if you put to many logs on the fire, it will smother and go out (over eating, binging) another side effect is that log since it didn’t get burned up, stays right there and is being stored (like your body stores extra calories as fat).

I haven't decided if I am going to sign up for the month. The budget doesn't look good for this month to squeak an extra $70 out. I may just take it easy this and do my kettle bell classes in June and fill in with bike rides and long walks with the dogs. The next session starts on Monday so I'd better make up my mind soon.

How Many Calories for Bugs?

2008-06-01T18:49:00.004-04:00

I loaded up my bike this afternoon and went to my favorite park (same place I CC ski in the winter). I have a little back pack that I stashed some water, my cell phone and a map of the park (don't want to get lost like I did this winter skiing).

What a ride! There are so many hills and roots over the roads it was a blast. I ate a lot of bugs as I sailed down the hill yelling Wheeeeeee!!!!! It was so much more fun that riding on a street. Lots of twists and turns made the time fly by.

The smell of the honeysuckle blossoms was divine and there were lots of trilliums blooming along the trails. The park was pretty busy. I must have met a dozen people or so while I was there. Lots of runners and people with their dogs.

I rode about 45 minutes and covered nearly 5 miles.

A couple of my favorite recipes

2008-06-01T16:13:00.003-04:00

There are two dishes I always go back to. They are both good for you, and low in points. I thought I would share them from you.
This first recipe is called cabbage roll casserole. I got it out of one of the gooseberry patch cookbooks and then tweaked it a bit.

1 small-medium head of cabbage (chopped)
1 large onion (chopped)
1 pound ground meat (turkey breast, ground sirloin or venison)
1 28 oz can of tomatoe sauce
2 cans diced tomatoes
1 cup instant brown rice (uncooked)

Brown the onion with the meat then mix in with all other ingredients. Put in 13 x 9 pan cover with aluminum foil and back for one and a half hours at 350 degrees. I have this figured to be about 3 points per cup. I think it is all considered core as well.

Taco soup or as I like to call it "6 can chili"

I got this recipe from WW and then changed it for out tastes. The WW recipe called for peppers and corn, only three cans of beans and more water. I like this thick.

1 pound lean ground meat (turkey breast, venison, ground sirloin)
1 large onion
1 can tomato sauce
2 cans diced tomatoes
4 cans of beans (great northern, pinto, black, and chili beans)
1 package taco seasoning
1 package dry ranch dressing

Simmer all these ingredients for an hour. It ends up being about 2 points for a cup. I'm not sure if this is core or not. I am not normally a fan of chili, but I think the ranch dressing in this makes it taste amazing. I usually throw a couple of TBS of FF sour cream on it instead of crackers.

Thank you

2008-06-01T16:10:00.002-04:00

Thanks to all who commented on my post yesterday. It really means a lot to have the input of so many other wonderful women. I am hoping to get more input from the dietician, and in the mean time I have gone back up to my normal 29 points per day. I am fully prepared that I may have a gain next week when I weigh in but will happily take that if it means I get my metabolism working again.

Weigh in Report for May 31st

2008-05-31T11:42:00.003-04:00

Guys, I am really at a total loss of what I am doing wrong. I gained yet again this week. I was up 1.2 pounds today. So according to WW my total boot camp loss was 3.8 pounds.

Here are the basics of what I am doing. I am eating about 1200-1300 calories per day. Exercising about 5 times a week (40 minutes) at a moderate to high intensity. I know that I am really working my body hard as there isn't a day this month that something wasn't sore. I am drinking my water. I am eating mainly core foods (hello egg whites!) and very little processed food or sugars.

I talked with a dietician friend and her thought was that I may not be eating enough calories. She was unfamiliar with how to factor in all the exercise but at my weight she thought 1500 calories should be my minumum. She thinks my body may have gone into starvation mode.

So what to do this week? I'm going to go back to my normal WW points. The thing is, I know that eating more is going to give me a gain next week. I just don't understand why my body has to be so complicated.

Today at the WW meeting we worked on winning outcomes and set goals for 4th of July. I find it really hard to set a goal when I don't feel like I am in control of this process.

Kettlebell Rocks!

2008-05-30T10:22:00.004-04:00

I am having such a great time with kettlebell class. Wednesday we lugged and threw around sand bags as well as worked out with the bells. She told us that we are actually called giriveks (the Russian word for a kettle bell practitioner). It is such a workout. I am sweating within a couple of minutes doing this.

I enjoy the instructor (Liberty) so much and the women that are in the classes are chatty and friendly. It is so nice being in a class with only a couple of other people.

One of the reasons I like it so much is that I really feel safe doing whatever she asks. She is always watching our form and giving us feedback and if it looks like we are struggling tells us to back off a bit.

Also important to me is that I feel like she is really looking at where my weaknesses are and is purposely giving me exercises to strengthen those areas. Yesterday (Thurs) she really focused on my abdominal muscles because she knows I have no strength there.

I actually attibute my loss of 13.25 inches as much to doing kettle bell the last few weeks as I do boot camp.

I affected "Green" change

2008-05-30T10:14:00.001-04:00

Today I finished sealing the deal on changing over the cleaner we use in the factory to clean the floors.

About two months ago a salesman from Biosolutions approached me about this “green cleaner” that they developed along with the EPA. This new cleaner has a balanced PH so if an employee got it on their skin; they just have to wash it off normally. The cleaner we used to use had such a high PH that it would “defat” the skin with contact. It is also completely safe for the environment.

Everything does come down to dollars and cents and this cleaner was only about .01 cent more than what we were using. I’m sure we wouldn’t have switched if it was exponentially more expensive.

I feel like I changed my little corner of the world today.

Bootcamp Results

2008-05-30T10:07:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was the testing to see how much stronger and how much we lost doing boot camp. Then we met a local bar/pizza joint for the results. About 30 people showed up to hear their results. Not to make light of my results, but I will be honest and tell you that when she took our measurements yesterday she really pulled the tape measure more than what I remembered when she took our pre boot camp measurements. All I’m saying is that the results may be inflated because of this.

I received the inchworm award. I lost the most inches. I lost a total of 13.25 inches over my hips, waist, and iliac (midriff). I also lost 9 pounds according to her scales. I increased my crunches by 8 in one minute and my push ups by 23 in one minute.
There was a guy (thin, fit and a runner) that lost 27 pounds! Everyone lost weight and inches and was stronger as a result of the three and a half weeks.

So after hearing my results, I briefly reconsidered doing the Alumni camp next month. But even though I got good results it doesn’t change the feeling that it wasn’t that fun of an experience for me. (Not compared to kettle bell, anyway) So why go back and do something I didn’t like just because it yielded results.

I did save enough calories to enjoy three slices of pizza but decided that I was satisfied with two slices (best pizza in town) and actually had the strength to throw the other slice away.

Overall I am grateful I participated in boot camp. I do feel as though I’ve made some lasting changes this month. I feel like I broke my addiction to sweets. I have had a box of vita muffin tops in my freezer for over a week and I have only had one. I also bought a box of skinny cow fudge bars two weeks ago and haven’t even opened them.
I have also over come my fear of group classes and worrying about what others are thinking of me exercising.

End of Boot Camp

2008-05-28T10:39:00.000-04:00

Last night was the last workout for boot camp. I didn’t go. I dreaded the thought of it all day and decided to be selfish and not make myself do something I dread. Tonight I have to go for my post body scan and then Thursday we have post testing to complete and then that is the end.

There is an Alumni camp for people that have been through boot camp offered next month. It costs $30 and offers 2 workouts per week and you must attend 4 workouts in the month. I had planned on signing up for it, but have changed my mind. I don’t know if it was the weight gain on Saturday that pushed me over the edge or what, but I just don’t want to do boot camp anymore.

I am really enjoying Kettle Bell class so I will plan to do that three times per week and then fill in the rest of the week with the gym here at work. I’ve just decided that if I want activity to be a part of my life, it has to be something I enjoy. There are so many things I want to try. I don’t want every workout to feel like a life or death ordeal.

I am happy that I did boot camp this month. It made me grow. I learned that I can accomplish so much more (mentally and physically) than I ever gave myself credit for. It has given me the confidence to do group classes. I realize that I am there for me and that is all that matters. I also learned that even strangers will pull for you. All the boot campers yelled and encouraged each other at every workout. Lastly, even though I thought 1200 calories was a little low, I do appreciate that I really cleaned the garbage out of my diet and I will add things back in a little I am going to do my best to stay “clean”

The Garden

2008-05-27T13:31:00.002-04:00

Saturday a friend and I started our cooperative garden at her house. I don’t really have a place for a garden at my house since everything is fenced for the dogs. Haven loves to dig in fresh dirt. Nothing would stand a chance at my house. Since my friend has a huge yard, we decided to put our garden at her house.

Saturday we rented a rototiller (this area had not been a garden for many years) for two hours and worked up the ground. I am estimating here but I think it ended up being about 30 feet long by 15 feet wide! We really bit off a big garden area! We shopped for plants and seeds after we returned the rototiller. (BTW the tiller rental was $18 per hour with a two hour minimum. Quite reasonable I thought).

We started our shopping at our local organic coop. They had lots of organic seeds and plants in the greenhouse that were started right there at the coop. They were out of peppers so we went to another place for those. For the most part though, our garden is organic and we don’t plan on using any pesticides either. We plan to both take care of the garden weeding and watering and we are splitting the costs as well as the harvest 50/50. I don’t know my portion of capital investment but I am thinking it will be around $50.

We ended up planting 14 pepper plants, 27 tomato plants, 6 each of cabbage and broccoli, a peanut plant, 6 pea plants, dill, cantaloupe, watermelon plants. We also planted seeds of zucchini, summer squash, winter squash, radishes, carrots, beans, corn, cucumbers, and a few others I am sure I have forgotten. Whew, did I say we planted a garden or did we plant a garden! I see lots of canning of tomatoes in our future.

The long Weekend and Weigh in Report

2008-05-27T09:42:00.000-04:00

What a jam packed 5 days off I had. Thursday I visited with old coworkers and did a little clothes shopping and had a pedicure. Friday I was very productive and actually cleaned my garage! I took back half of the pop cans so far and cleared over 20 bucks.

Saturday weigh in was disappointing to say the least. I was up 1.4 pounds. I wasn’t expecting a loss considering last weeks huge loss, but I sure wasn’t expecting a gain! My body is so very frustrating. So, I decided that I was going to take Sat and Sunday off my clean eating. I enjoyed, (really enjoyed) a bagel and a mocha and even made some Fat Free Sugar Free pudding. I didn’t go overboard on calories, but ate what I wanted.

The non clean eating continued on Sunday. I attended the wedding of one of my dearest friends Amanda. Amanda and I had some undergrad classes together and she is also a member of the kennel club. She would often show Morgan for me too. Being that Amanda is a dog person, it was no surprise that the ring bearer was her golden retriever Oakley! The wedding was beautiful and the reception was a lot of fun. Gotta love the open bar! I enjoyed three drinks and it took me a few hours to get to the point I could drive home. I am such a lightweight. I’ve never been much of a drinker, I always preferred to eat my calories. Dinner was prime rib with little red potatoes, and grilled veggies. I even ate the cake that they served for dessert. Certainly not a boot camp approved evening.

Yesterday I worked at my summer part time job as a gate attendant for the county park system. This is one of the most boring jobs ever invented but it is so relaxing. For eight hours I sit on a picnic table and charge admission to the park. I get to catch up on my reading, catch a few rays, and sometimes visit with some interesting people. It is an excuse to just do nothing. No dishes, no vacuuming, no laundry. Just be still. I can even bring a dog with me! I did spend a bit of time doing dips on the picnic table, crunches, pushups, lunges and a bit of yoga.

So back to the grind of work and boot camp today. At least it is a short week. I plan to get to the kettlebell class today. I have boot camp workout tonight and tomorrow night and then the finale party is Thursday evening. I am ready for boot camp to be over.

Vacation

2008-05-22T20:56:00.002-04:00

I have a Thursday and Friday off this week. It is the first time I've ever taken more than one day off in a row at this job. The automotive industry is so dynamic and immediate that it seems there is always a fire that needs putting out.

I was supposed to have a garage sale at my house this weekend but with all the time spent on boot camp this month I just did not have the huzpah to clean the garage out too. We'll just put that little task off until next month.

I did manage to drag my ass out of bed at 5am this morning and attend another exhilarating boot camp workout on the sledding hill. More relays, more relays, and more relays up the hill. My legs felt like jelly and my heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest, but I really dug deep and gave it everything I had. Kiersten the trainer must have noticed because she named me camp champ for the day. (She choses one person per workout that gave it their all and had good form in all they did) Way cool.

I must have talked myself out of going at least 25 times between getting home from work last night and even as I was letting dogs out to potty at 5am. Basically I used guilt to get myself moving this morning. Tomorrow I am treating myself to my first pedicure in years. This was my almost done with boot camp reward. I asked my self last night how in the world I could in good conscience enjoy my pedicure Friday knowing that I had willingly missed a workout! Ahhh, guilt. What a universal motivator.

Bottle That Feeling

2008-05-21T13:50:00.001-04:00

I had a great kettle bell workout yesterday. There were only two of us there for the class so it was like having a personal trainer. I feel such a high when I get done working out. I feel so strong and capable, like I can conquer the world. Why can’t I bottle that feeling so I can sniff it when I am trying to talk myself out of going to workout (such as tonight)?

Well, I am attempting to bottle it in a way. I am trying to really revel in that mood when I am having it. Saying to myself out loud how proud and how powerful I feel right at that moment. I am hoping that eventually I will be able to recall that euphoric feeling just by thinking about it. Sounds a bit far fetched, but its worth trying. I want to practice being in the moment and acknowledge the sensation of pride that comes with doing the work.

Right now, I am sitting and telling myself that if I go to boot camp tonight, I will let myself skip tomorrow 5:30am workout. (I am on vacation for the next two days so the lazy side of me is telling me that I deserve to sleep in on my days off). No, what I deserve is a strong, healthy body and I’m not going to get closer to that body by lying in bed when I have an ultra peppy trainer waiting for me on the sledding hill to run relays.

The Daily Commute

2008-05-19T13:50:00.002-04:00

I drive about 45 minutes to and from work each day and right now I love that it is almost light out at 6am! I really don’t mind the drive. There is hardly another soul on the road, so no idiots or traffic jams to deal with (gotta love rural Michigan). There are a lot of things I look forward to on my drive as well.

First there is “man with no hands”. This gentleman is in his 70’s or 80’s and is a double amputee. He has hooks for hands. They don’t slow him down a bit. He has the most beautiful flower beds (everything in perfect rows). Many mornings he is already out there with his hoe working (mind you this is at about 6:15 am!). Man I don’t look forward to getting old and not being able to sleep in. Many afternoons he is out mowing his lawn on the tractor or working in his enormous garden. I saw him feeding scraps to the dog next door one morning and if he isn’t out working when I go by, the dog is at his door waiting for him. One of these days I have to stop and say hello (and learn his name)and tell him how much I enjoy looking at his flowers each day.

I mentioned in an earlier post about the family that is eating breakfast each morning in their dinning room. It reminds me of a Normal Rockwell painting. Seeing that family around the breakfast table starting their day just makes me smile.

Then there is the sheep farm. I love late May when all the baby sheep are in the field with their moms. There are hundreds of them. Those babies are not easy on the moms when they decide they want a drink though. Ouch! The family has done a lot of work on the old farmhouse and it looks really nice. In the summer they sell vegetables at a road side stand in their yard.

I can’t forget to mention the new buffalo farm. When the buffalo are up near the road I count seven of them. It seems strange to see them in Michigan. They have really big horns.

There is one place I pass that has a collection of bird cages in the side yard. There must be 30 of them. I wonder why. Of course my favorite places to visit are the asparagus farm and the strawberry farm that I have the best produce and great prices.

So yes, I am paying $3.95 per gallon and spend about $70 per week for gas, but I am able to find plenty to enjoy along the way.

Bootcamp Weekend

2008-05-19T13:27:00.002-04:00

Well, It sure was easy going to boot camp workouts on Saturday and Sunday knowing that my hard work is paying off.
Saturday we did a little obstacle course on the playground. First we had to weave in between the kids on the swings (they loved it) then go to the picnic tables and do ten step ups on the right leg and ten on the left leg. Then we had to turn around and do ten dips ( I didn’t even know I could do dips!). Here comes the fun part. We had to climb up this little plastic mountain then crawl though a tunnel and go down the slide. The last leg of the course was a short jog back to finish. We did this three times. It was actually quite fun.
We did some bear crawls through our partner’s legs along with some running and clapping push ups and plank holds.
The next half of the workout involved the water balloons we were instructed to bring. We paired off and one of us did sit-ups catching the balloon on our way down and then tossing it back to our partner on the way up. Each time a balloon broke we had to jump up and do ten up downs. In the end we threw the balloons at each other until they were gone.

Sunday’s was on the sand hill at the same park. Lots of hopping, running and high stepping up the hill. Then we had to pull and hold our partner in a suspended position on the swings. Again with the pushups and planks.

What I love about boot camp is that we don’t need any equipment to do any of this. It is just you and your body. There is no excuse to not do this. We only have two workouts this week so I have plenty that I need to do on my own this week. I think the mail box shuffle will be on my agenda.

Weigh in report for May 17th

2008-05-17T12:15:00.002-04:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!! I am down 7.2 lbs this week for a total loss of 72.2 pounds so far.

To say I have a renewed love for the torture of boot camp is the understatement of the year. This shit is paying off way more than I thought.

Today's boot camp workout is in a few minutes and involves water ballons! I'll give a full report tonight.

Hoooo Raaaa! Bootcamp!